Boyfriend bought me a ring but won't let me have it

Milliebob

I'm just looking for some advice from some people with a bit more life experience than me.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and have an 18 month old baby. We are Both in our late twenties. Ever since we first got together we've talked about marriage, both of us eagerly. It's always been extremely important to me, and he made out like it was to him too.
In October we were in a jewellers and I was looking at diamond rings (as you do!) and he suggested I try one on, and ended up buying one. I was absolutely ecstatic, happiest I've been in ages, thinking I was finally getting my happy ending and going to have the same name as my son. Only thing is he's not let me have the ring and he's hidden it. Ik figured maybe he wanted to propose at Christmas, but that never happened, and then maybe New Years. But no.
I tried asking about it and he just makes up some bull excuses about there never being the right moment. I'm starting to fall into depression about it, it feels like he's holding me hostage with it above my head. I've told him this but he's not taking me seriously, I even asked why he bought the thing in the first place if he had no intention of giving me it, and he just says that of course he intended to give me it. God only knows when. It feels like he's holding all the power and he knows it and there's nothing I can do. I really really don't know what to do, I've told him over and over again that I don't care about a big proposal, I didn't even want a ring before, I just want to be married so we are a real family.

seawaves

It sounds to me that he has lost it!

Milliebob

No I know exactly where he's hidden it, in his tool box under the sink.

Buzzybee90

Milliebob wrote: »

No I know exactly where he's hidden it, in his tool box under the sink.

Maybe he doesn't want to get engaged yet, but when he does propose, he wants a ring you'd actually like.

fluffnutter

You don't have to be married to be a 'real family'. But that aside, you want to (which isn't unreasonable), he doesn't. And more than that, he appears to enjoy raising your expectations and dashing them again. Nice.

If you're really bothered about the name thing, change the baby's name to yours. And ditch your fella. People only have power over you if you give it to them.

notanewuser

Milliebob wrote: »

I'm just looking for some advice from some people with a bit more life experience than me.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and have an 18 month old baby. We are Both in our late twenties. Ever since we first got together we've talked about marriage, both of us eagerly. It's always been extremely important to me, and he made out like it was to him too.
In October we were in a jewellers and I was looking at diamond rings (as you do!) and he suggested I try one on, and ended up buying one. I was absolutely ecstatic, happiest I've been in ages, thinking I was finally getting my happy ending and going to have the same name as my son. Only thing is he's not let me have the ring and he's hidden it. Ik figured maybe he wanted to propose at Christmas, but that never happened, and then maybe New Years. But no.
I tried asking about it and he just makes up some bull excuses about there never being the right moment. I'm starting to fall into depression about it, it feels like he's holding me hostage with it above my head. I've told him this but he's not taking me seriously, I even asked why he bought the thing in the first place if he had no intention of giving me it, and he just says that of course he intended to give me it. God only knows when. It feels like he's holding all the power and he knows it and there's nothing I can do. I really really don't know what to do, I've told him over and over again that I don't care about a big proposal, I didn't even want a ring before, I just want to be married so we are a real family.

It's not long till Valentines Day.............

Not sure why you don't consider yourself to be in a "real family" now. If it was that important to you you should have waited before you were married before having a child together.

There's no reason you couldn't have had the same name as your child whatever your relationship status.

If you're that bothered, take the ring out and start wearing it. You don't want a proposal, you're not prepared to let your OH do something himself, so why not do it yourself?!

Gloomendoom

Milliebob wrote: »

No I know exactly where he's hidden it, in his tool box under the sink.

Well then, just take it out, put it on and start planning your wedding.

fluffnutter

Milliebob wrote: »

No I know exactly where he's hidden it, in his tool box under the sink.

So get it and wear it.

ska_lover

Ok I am going to tell you what I think from your original post, I hope it doesn't sound harsh, but here goes

Chill out Milliebob, he is clearly going to do it as he had purchased a ring.

It sounds to me that you are potentially emotionally blackmailing him with it - 'oh i'm so depressed because you wont propose when I want you to' and piling on the pressure- which is all a bit control freak to me. Do you normally behave like this, or is it just the potential engagement that is causing it? You could be showing a side to you that he didn't know existed - Just be careful

He obviously is going to do it in his own sweet time - perhaps on Valentines day?

You need to realise in a marriage you do not get to control everything, things are shared - and you won't always get your own way. If you are still immature enough to expect your own way 100% of the time, or you are going to throw a strop, then clearly you are not ready for marriage and are better off single.

Valli

fwiw I think you need to back off a bit; give him chance to propose.

as has been said, it'll soon be Valentines Day.

HPoirot

The more you fret over it, the less he is likely to find the perfect moment to spring a proposal. Chill out, he may just do it when you have forgotten about the ring lurking in there.