Boyfriend bought me a ring but won't let me have it

Milliebob

Fluffnutter, exactly my thoughts about Valentines Day too, we've beer acknowledged it before so why he would pick then is beyond me.

Goldie I think I agree with you, I'm trying my best to just get on with it, I think he's maybe waiting until he thinks I've forgotten about it or something. Trouble is it's all I think about every single edging minute of the day.

shop-to-drop

Tell him to make getting married more special you aren't going to have any more sex until your wedding night.

LOL do you think that would make him get a move on?

Blackpool_Saver

I would ask him straight out if he is waiting for a great moment or if he is having doubts...... make it clear the not know is making you feel insecure and unhappy. I f he cares about you he will put your mind at rest, if he won't give you a straight answer then I would be reconsidering him as a life partner at all.... a nice person doesn't let others be unhappy when they can take that unhappiness away......

valk_scot

Milliebob wrote: »

We've got our whole wedding planned, but he won't commit to a date, understandably since we're not even engaged.

If you've both planned a weeding together then you're already engaged! Being engaged just means you've both agreed you're going to get married one day and if planning a wedding together doesn't mean you've already agreed to get married then I don't know what does. The "proposal" is long since surplus to requirements and completely meaningless if you've already agreed on the wedding plans. The ring? Well, since you were already technically engaged when you bought it you could have been wearing it as you left the shop.

Milliebob

AcidHouse I totally understand what you're saying, and I've thought it seriously myself. I admit I do love weddings and the excitement of it all, but at the end of the day I just want to be Mrs whatshisname, be HIS wife and grow old together with lots of children and grandchildren around us.
We were in Vegas in October and everyday we talked about going to the drive thru and surprising everyone when we got back. If would have loved that. Guess who vetoed it. The day we got home he said he wished we'd just done it.

paulineb_2

Milliebob wrote: »

I'm just looking for some advice from some people with a bit more life experience than me.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and have an 18 month old baby. We are Both in our late twenties. Ever since we first got together we've talked about marriage, both of us eagerly. It's always been extremely important to me, and he made out like it was to him too.
In October we were in a jewellers and I was looking at diamond rings (as you do!) and he suggested I try one on, and ended up buying one. I was absolutely ecstatic, happiest I've been in ages, thinking I was finally getting my happy ending and going to have the same name as my son. Only thing is he's not let me have the ring and he's hidden it. Ik figured maybe he wanted to propose at Christmas, but that never happened, and then maybe New Years. But no.
I tried asking about it and he just makes up some bull excuses about there never being the right moment. I'm starting to fall into depression about it, it feels like he's holding me hostage with it above my head. I've told him this but he's not taking me seriously, I even asked why he bought the thing in the first place if he had no intention of giving me it, and he just says that of course he intended to give me it. God only knows when. It feels like he's holding all the power and he knows it and there's nothing I can do. I really really don't know what to do, I've told him over and over again that I don't care about a big proposal, I didn't even want a ring before, I just want to be married so we are a real family.

I think the fact that youve said about finally getting your happy ending by getting the ring speaks volumes. Youve been with this man 4 years, you have a child together, but the happy ending is having the same name as your son?

What about having the same name as your bf? Some people are keen to be married, but others arent so keen. It doesnt necessarily mean that they dont love their partner, it could be 1001 different reasons as to why.

Its not the engagement ring thats going to make you happier, its the wedding. If he puts the ring on your finger tomorrow, you are still going to have to make plans to get married.

The more you make a big deal of it, well, look at it from his point of view. You bought the ring, he was planning to propose and then you started asking him when you would get the ring. If you had said nothing, he could have given you the ring ten times over.

Thats not power games as far as Im concerned, thats not trusting your partner enough to give you something special that hes bought you without having to ask for it.

He'll have his view and you'll have yours. I think its time for some honest talking and I dont think its worth falling into depression over.

Georgiegirl256

fluffnutter wrote: »

How can it be spontaneous or a surprise if she was there when he bought the ring?! He's just torturing the poor girl!

He maybe wanted to make sure that he got a ring that she loved, which she should do, as she picked it!

When and how he chooses to propose and how might be a surprise and totally catch her off guard. Why should she dictate on how it happens? Give the guy a break!

There's nothing worse than a woman who reeks of desperation.

meer53

Milliebob wrote: »

Yes, we both want another child, but I've told him I don't want another out of wedlock (first baby was a happy accident).
I've got our whole wedding planned, but he won't commit to a date, understandably since we're not even engaged.
He bough the ring on 0% store finance, another theory I have is that when he applied for it in the store he wasn't expecting to be approved, and was hoping he decision would be taken out of his hands, making him the good guy.

I changed this bit for you !

You don't need to be engaged to get married. You sound a bit needy to me, needy women scare blokes off :eek:

Step back and forget about the ring. Just enjoy being a family. He'll propose when he's ready. If he doesn't then you have your answer.

*max*

How can you not be engaged if you've been planning your whole wedding? So you've been discussing what your wedding will be like, who to invite, where to have it...etc...without even knowing if you are going to marry (because to me that's what an engagement means). What a weird situation.

Also weird...Who buys an engagement ring WITH his girlfriend and then doesn't give it to her for months? Because presumably he wants to do it "properly"? Well, doing it "properly" would not have included buying it in her presence without having popped the question first I'd have thought.

I have an idea that this whole thing is going to come down to earth with a flop soon. Whatever he does now is going to be at best anticlimatic!

Milliebob

I tried that over Christmas and didn't 'put out' for six weeks. He was in a FOUL mood last weekend and I thought it might change his mind so I gave in. Didn't work.

Yes I could have worn the ring out of the sop, but the point is, he wouldn't let me.

I told him an hour ago to grow some balls and tell me the truth if he doesn't want to get married. I've made it very clear how miserable he is making me. I just think he's not taking me seriously.