Boyfriend bought me a ring but won't let me have it

fluffnutter

I'm in two minds about this. I agree that 'I'm so depressed because you won't propose' and 'I want us to be a real family' are OTT and liable to freak out the average fella...

But a bigger part of me thinks what kind of bloke buys his missus an engagement ring three months ago, squirrels it away and refuses to discuss it? Sounds like a power game to me.

Either he's got something amazing planned (although why he thinks it's so important to stick to this when his girlfriend is clearly miserable is beyond me) else he's a bit of a !!!!!!.

AcidHouse

fluffnutter wrote: »

You don't have to be married to be a 'real family'. But that aside, you want to (which isn't unreasonable), he doesn't. And more than that, he appears to enjoy raising your expectations and dashing them again. Nice.

If you're really bothered about the name thing, change the baby's name to yours. And ditch your fella. People only have power over you if you give it to them.

Wow, every word of this ^^

Men are really good at talking about marriage.
It helps them put off actually proposing to you, keeps you with them, gets your hopes up, postpones the proposal you want.

Just because he bought the ring doesn't mean he was taking it seriously at the time. What a cruel barstuard, seeing as he clearly knows how much you seriously want to be married.

He probably feels that if marriage is that important to you, it doesn't matter to you who you're actually married to, as long as you can say you're married.
Do you actually want to marry him, or do you just want to be married?

If you really want to get married so you can be 'a real family', it's too late for that. If you've got your own beliefs in that respect, you shouldn't have had a baby with him out of 'wedlock'.

I'm afraid you're probably in that horrible situation of, 'why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free'.

There's nothing you can do to force someone to want to marry you, so you're going to have to find a way to deal with your inner need to be married.

fluffnutter

HPoirot wrote: »

The more you fret over it, the less he is likely to find the perfect moment to spring a proposal. Chill out, he may just do it when you have forgotten about the ring lurking in there.

Because women who are desperate to marry and were with their partners when they bought a ring are liable to forgetting about it are they?

Ooh what a surprise! I'd forgotten all about that ring and the fact that I want to get married and you don't!

fluffnutter

It doesn't make sense, this idea that he's got something planned. If you're going to spring a proposal on someone you don't go ring shopping together first.

sleepymans

Your "partner" is a control freak.
Get hold of the ring, sell it and kick the bloody bloke into touch!

Hermia

I wonder if he has got cold feet. Perhaps he got caught up in your excitement when you tried the ring on, but now he is not sure it's what he wants. You need to talk to him about it in a neutral way. don't start saying you are depressed or getting massively over emotional.

marleyboy

Let him do it the right way and not because you tell him to. If he has bought and hidden the ring from you, he has his reasons for doing so, respect them.

The wrong time for him to propose, is when you push him to, he will propose, but will want it to be special and romantic, possibly, as a surprise moment. As has been said, Valentines Day is only around the corner, be patient not pushy and all will fall into place as it was meant to.

shop-to-drop

Do you think he got carried away with the moment in the shop, maybe with assistants egging him on and is now having second thoughts?

Georgiegirl256

Jeez, give the guy a break. With you continually nagging on at him, when he eventually does propose, he's probably only going to do it because you've nagged on at him, it'll take the shine off it.

Most proposals are a surprise, and this is more than likely what he is trying to do, he's got the ring you like (because you chose it), and now he's waiting for a time when you'll least expect it. If you keep on at him, he'll just be doing it to shut you up, not because he's planned some spontaneous romantic gesture.

peachyprice

Milliebob wrote: »

I've told him over and over again that I don't care about a big proposal,

Maybe it is important to him though.