Boyfriend bought me a ring but won't let me have it

HPoirot

fluffnutter wrote: »

Because women who are desperate to marry and were with their partners when they bought a ring are liable to forgetting about it are they?

Ooh what a surprise! I'd forgotten all about that ring and the fact that I want to get married and you don't!

What's a girl to do? She can at least pretend so he can come out of his hiding place

tiger_eyes

Not to sound cynical, but is it possible that in the months since buying the ring he's had money problems and had to sell it? You say the ring is hidden in a tool box, but have you actually seen the ring recently?

fluffnutter

marleyboy wrote: »

Let him do it the right way and not because you tell him to. If he has bought and hidden the ring from you, he has his reasons for doing so, respect them.

The wrong time for him to propose, is when you push him to, he will propose, but will want it to be special and romantic, possibly, as a surprise moment. As has been said, Valentines Day is only around the corner, be patient not pushy and all will fall into place as it was meant to.

It's interesting to hear the male perspective marleyboy, but I don't want a fella who refuses to discuss things with me, who doesn't take me seriously when I say I'm upset and confused and, worst of all, thinks Valentines Day is a suitable day to propose. Of all the unoriginal cliched days he could have chosen....

On a more serious note, why are women 'pushy' if they say 'Remember that ring you bought me? Where is it and does it mean we're going to get married?'. Seems a totally reasonable thing to want to know IMO. Why should women keep quiet and not 'push' men? He's bought a ring. She was there! Now three months later she wants to know what the score is but she has to keep her gob shut and 'respect' him. Aarrggghhh.

fluffnutter

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Most proposals are a surprise, and this is more than likely what he is trying to do, he's got the ring you like (because you chose it), and now he's waiting for a time when you'll least expect it. If you keep on at him, he'll just be doing it to shut you up, not because he's planned some spontaneous romantic gesture.

How can it be spontaneous or a surprise if she was there when he bought the ring?! He's just torturing the poor girl!

fluffnutter

HPoirot wrote: »

What's a girl to do? She can at least pretend so he can come out of his hiding place

Yeah. He's in his man cave like Gollum, stroking the ring and whispering 'my precioussssss'

Milliebob

Thanks for all your responses folks, each and every one is helpful to me.

To respond to the whole thing about nagging him to propose etc, it's only since New Years I've been questioning him about it, which I think is fair since he's had the thing for three months!
I'm in two minds as to what to do, I don't want the whole thing to be ruined when it finally happens, but in my head it already is, I'm just full of doubt.

And everybody that's saying Valentines Day is coming up, so was Christmas and New Years a month ago! I would bet a million pounds he doesn't do it then.

Really feels like a power thing, he knows I can't talk to anybody about it because it will ruin the whole 'We're engaged' thing which I've always looked forward to.

And yes, I've seen it recently. I don't think it would be a good way to start married life to just put it on and book the wedding would it!?

valk_scot

Thing is, if you've discussed marriage and agreed it's going to happen then you are engaged. The down on the knee proposal bit + ring is just window dressing. Presumably you have some sort of future plan given that you have a child?


And if the word "marry" hasn't entered the discussion so far what's to stop you asking him?


Who paid for the ring btw? His bank account or the joint one?

Goldiegirl

fluffnutter wrote: »

It's interesting to hear the male perspective marleyboy, but I don't want a fella who refuses to discuss things with me, who doesn't take me seriously when I say I'm upset and confused and, worst of all, thinks Valentines Day is a suitable day to propose. Of all the unoriginal cliched days he could have chosen....

.

Exactly my thoughts.


OP, I think what I would do, I'd just drop it, and get on with day to day life.


Then when he does decide it's time for his big romantic gesture, just say no thank you, you are quite happy as you are - that'd take the wind out of his sails ! :rotfl:


Then when he's had time to digest how upset he feels, and begins to understand how you might have been feeling, then he might be willing to sit down and talk about how you both see the relationship progressing, as a partnership between two equals - with no one on a power trip

Milliebob

Yes, we both want another child, but I've told him I don't want another out of wedlock (first baby was a happy accident).
We've got our whole wedding planned, but he won't commit to a date, understandably since we're not even engaged.
He bough the ring on 0% store finance, another theory I have is that when he applied for it in the store he wasn't expecting to be approved, and was hoping he decision would be taken out of his hands, making him the good guy.

AcidHouse

Milliebob wrote: »

Thanks for all your responses folks, each and every one is helpful to me.

To respond to the whole thing about nagging him to propose etc, it's only since New Years I've been questioning him about it, which I think is fair since he's had the thing for three months!
I'm in two minds as to what to do, I don't want the whole thing to be ruined when it finally happens, but in my head it already is, I'm just full of doubt.

And everybody that's saying Valentines Day is coming up, so was Christmas and New Years a month ago! I would bet a million pounds he doesn't do it then.

Really feels like a power thing, he knows I can't talk to anybody about it because it will ruin the whole 'We're engaged' thing which I've always looked forward to.

And yes, I've seen it recently. I don't think it would be a good way to start married life to just put it on and book the wedding would it!?

Hi OP - The bit I've put in bold above - this confirms what I thought from the original post. To me, you seem to be in love with the idea of being married, but do you want to actually marry him? Maybe he thinks the same - that for you, it's all about the process, the buzz of the announcement, the big day etc. Unless he feels it's about you & him making a commitment and not a 'hey look at us getting engaged & stuff woooo' then no, he'll probably never propose. If I've got the wrong end of the stick then I apologise.