Boyfriend bought me a ring but won't let me have it

heartbreak_star

Apparently it's already planned and prepped, just waiting for the proposal.

HBS x

seven-day-weekend

Having met and got married within four months over forty years ago, I don't understand this. Surely you know whether you love the person or not and want to spend the rest of your life with them? If so, what's the problem?

You don't have to have a wedding costing a fortune with a cast of thousands if that's what's putting him off. My neighbours got married in their lunch hour with just us as witnesses.

I think he just doesn't want to marry her, tbh.

Person_one

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Having met and got married within four months over forty years ago, I don't understand this. Surely you know whether you love the person or not and want to spend the rest of your life with them? If so, what's the problem?

Most people don't know within four months, to be fair!

The OP does know that this is the person she loves and wants to spend the rest of her life with, that's the whole problem. If he doesn't feel the same that's not going to be easy for her to cope with at all. It;ll be devastating for her.

catkins

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Having met and got married within four months over forty years ago, I don't understand this. Surely you know whether you love the person or not and want to spend the rest of your life with them? If so, what's the problem?

You don't have to have a wedding costing a fortune with a cast of thousands if that's what's putting him off. My neighbours got married in their lunch hour with just us as witnesses.

I think he just doesn't want to marry her, tbh.

Me and OH met and were married within 5 months over 30 years ago and didn't live together first.


I can understand why couples live together but the trouble is if then one doesn't really want to marry there is not much the other can do. Also of course there is a child involved which complicates matters more.

Person_one

catkins wrote: »

Me and OH met and were married within 5 months over 30 years ago and didn't live together first.


I can understand why couples live together but the trouble is if then one doesn't really want to marry there is not much the other can do. Also of course there is a child involved which complicates matters more.

You make it sound like if you don't live together then you can force your partner's hand into marriage! :eek:

seven-day-weekend

Person_one wrote: »

Most people don't know within four months, to be fair!

The OP does know that this is the person she loves and wants to spend the rest of her life with, that's the whole problem. If he doesn't feel the same that's not going to be easy for her to cope with at all. It;ll be devastating for her.

They have been together four years so he should know by now whether he wants to marry her or not. I know she wants to marry him.

Person_one

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

They have been together four years so he should know by now whether he wants to marry her or not. I know she wants to marry him.

Yes, he should, what are you suggesting she do though?

tea_lover

In the bf's defence (wait for it before flaming me!) he may just not be sure about marriage, rather than marriage to the OP specifically.

I've been with my OH for nearly 9 years, lived together for 3. I've got no doubt that this will be the person I spend the rest of my life with, but I don't know if I want to marry him. Sometimes I do, sometimes I'm not so sure. It's not a reflection on him, just my ambivalent feelings toward marriage itself.

However, I do think the bf was out of order to buy a ring then effectively hide it for 6 months.

seven-day-weekend

Person_one wrote: »

Yes, he should, what are you suggesting she do though?

Ask him outright if he wants to set a date and why she can't have her ring yet. If I'd been with someone for four years and had a child with them I would either want them to commit or explain why they didn't want to.

unicorn1984

My best friend was engaged to a super rich guy, had a beautiful house and they booked the venue, she bought her dream dress and then out of the blue he decided he just didnt want to get married anymore..... the invitations had gone out, and she had to send letters to all the guests to explain they werent getting married afterall. She told me they were planning to start a family- his idea, before they got married, (he was in his forties, she, her early 30's). A few months later, no wedding and the family he had wanted he now didnt and they broke up. People can change their mind.....

On the flip side, the same woman, met a new guy who was perfect for her a couple of years later. They had been going out for about 18 months when she found out he had asked her Dads permission to propose to her, and then she was like a woman possessed, analysing everything he did, watching-waiting for the moment he was going to propose. Every romantic night in, every meal at a restaurant, family gathering she was expecting a proposal.....! Maybe your boyfriend got carried away at the time, and saw how happy it made you and now is regretting doing it that way and is trying to find a time when you dont expect it to make it a real surprise, special?

My Mum is terrible at keeping secrets and let it slip to me that my boyfriend had asked her permission to propose to me (I dont get on with my Dad so that's why he asked her!), so by September (he proposed at Christmas) I knew WHEN he was going to propose, WHERE, and even had a picture of the ring.... totally ruined it.

Maybe don't mention it again, (try) and put it to the back of your mind and relax. If he has this huge pressure over him and the (ever so slightly) dramatic depression story, he isn't going to propose because now its gone from a happy event to a ticking timebomb of emotions!!!