Boyfriend bought me a ring but won't let me have it

fluffnutter

Pollycat wrote: »

That's a view of marriage that I don't share with you - and I've been married for over 25 years.

I think the OP has become obsessed about this ring.
Maybe her partner is terrified of what the conversation between them is going to be like once he does produce the ring.
Wedding. Wedding. Wedding

Probably! But looking at it another way... perhaps she wouldn't be so obsessed had she started wearing the ring when he bought it!

I sometimes think this happens a lot... man creates a situation by procrastinating and refusing to discuss something, or by making empty promises. Woman then gets bent out of shape and starts nagging. Then man says 'See! That's why I don't want to do X. I knew you'd be like this!'.

Prothet_of_Doom

!!!!!! you have a child. What more commitment do you need?

shop-to-drop

Prothet_of_Doom wrote: »

!!!!!! you have a child. What more commitment do you need?

What a ridiculous statement! Even having a planned child together in itself doesn't require commitment to the mother. OP has already said the child was an accident so how can that show his commitment to her.

January20

Prothet_of_Doom wrote: »

!!!!!! you have a child. What more commitment do you need?

You could turn this argument round though: They have a child together and live together (I presume?) so why is he so scared of marrying her?

My opinion is he has all the benefits of being married without having to do the deeds so why should he change anything?

I wonder why people for whom it is really important to get married get themselves in such situations? If marriage is so important to a woman (I'm saying woman ONLY because the OP is female) why agree to live with somebody? Why agree to the child having his name? (I'm not asking why have a child because I know the child wasn't planned but in other situations I would). I really don't get it!

Mojisola

Putting aside the love and commitment which can be there without the "bit of paper", being married brings important legal and financial securities.

https://www.advicenow.org.uk/living-together/livingtogether-in-a-nutshell,10010,FP.html

System

My opinion is he has all the benefits of being married without having to do the deeds so why should he change anything?

My exact thoughts too.


My thoughts are that he bought the ring at a moment of weakness and has since changed his mind. He likes his life just as it is without the added 'complications' of marriage.


I'm sure I could have come up with a better word than 'complications' but I'm still half asleep.

shop-to-drop

Judi wrote: »

My exact thoughts too.


My thoughts are that he bought the ring at a moment of weakness and has since changed his mind. He likes his life just as it is without the added 'complications' of marriage.


I'm sure I could have come up with a better word than 'complications' but I'm still half asleep.

I think the word you were looking for is 'commitment'.

victory

January20 wrote: »

My opinion is he has all the benefits of being married without having to do the deeds so why should he change anything?

What benefits when the poster said she ' never put out for 6 weeks'

System

shop-to-drop wrote: »

I think the word you were looking for is 'commitment'.

Yes your right. Another coffee needed here I think.:(

Person_one

January20 wrote: »

You could turn this argument round though: They have a child together and live together (I presume?) so why is he so scared of marrying her?

My opinion is he has all the benefits of being married without having to do the deeds so why should he change anything?

I wonder why people for whom it is really important to get married get themselves in such situations? If marriage is so important to a woman (I'm saying woman ONLY because the OP is female) why agree to live with somebody? Why agree to the child having his name? (I'm not asking why have a child because I know the child wasn't planned but in other situations I would). I really don't get it!

Well, I can only speak for myself, but I'd agree to live with someone because there's no way in hell I'd be getting married to somebody I'd never shared a bathroom or the chores with! Living together before marriage makes a lot of sense.