Boyfriend bought me a ring but won't let me have it

Jessie11

Tbh it sounds to me like he cba with a wedding, with all the comments about the hassle and fuss. Can you afford a wedding/the one you've 'planned'?

mountainofdebt

The other thing that strikes me is that the OP's partner fears that once they are officially enganged, then their conversation will centre around the wedding.

By not being officially engaged, he's trying to avoid this situation arising.

RobotsinDisguse

I'm sorry OP but to me your thread title says it all

"Boyfriend bought me a ring but won't let me have it"

Making a commitment to be married isn't really about him letting 'you have a ring', it's a mutual decision to respect, love and take care of each other.

Getting married shouldn't change anything between you. A piece of paper won't change how secure you feel, or how he feels towards to. A declaration of love and commitment in front of your nearest and dearest is lovely and life affirming, but it isn't going to fix anything that might not be quite right with your relationship.

You do seem somewhat hung up on "planning the wedding", instead of simply carrying on your life together. Getting married is just a few moments in one day, a marriage is a long term commitment.

I really do wish you all the best, I hope you have a strong mutually respectful relationship in which to raise the child you already have. Perhaps if you can focus on this then maybe you'll worry less about waiting for him to give you jewelry.

Adrenalina

RobotsinDisguse wrote: »

Getting married shouldn't change anything between you. A piece of paper won't change how secure you feel, or how he feels towards to.

I disagree. I was very keen to get married, my OH not. For four years I waited. Every so often he would drunkenly hypothesise about asking me. Anyone with less moral conviction would have tried to convince their partner the next morning that he had REALLY proposed.
Eventually I had to use other heavy influences. The ones that drove me. At every step I had to convince him all over again. Asking my dad. Asking me. Buying a ring. Planning the ceremony.
Once it was done I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. Now we are tied together.
We have been married for nearly five years now and are happy. He doesn't regret getting married at all. For him, nothing changed that day. He didn't change his name, nor does he wear a ring. For me, the whole foundation of our life together changed, in a good way. I'm really glad we did it. I sometimes wish he was a bit more romantic, a bit more thoughtful, the kind of guy that looks ahead and plans for what might come. But he's not. He is straightforward, down to earth and easy-going. He fears change and just wants things to be as they are. And really, that's the guy I fell in love with

Person_one

Good god what a mad thread! Just confirms to me that the tradition of the man being in charge proposing and the woman being expected to pretend she doesn't think or care about marriage is completely bonkers.

Getting married is a big deal, it should be a joint decision, talked about at great length beforehand, not a daft power game!

OP, bit odd to change your story so quickly on the sex thing when you realised posters here weren't impressed by it...

*Louise*

bagpussbear wrote: »

I think you need to step back a bit as I think you are over thinking the whole situation. He only bought you the ring in October, so only 3-4 months ago, and I think he wants to plan a special proposal this year.

Don't let it get you down. Don't mention it again. Perhaps he wants you to forget about it for a bit in order he can actually 'surprise' you. Act like you aren't bothered.

If say you are still waiting 18 months later, then yes I'd say he was messing you around.

Give the man a chance to spring something nice. :-)

This would be my advice- act like you're not bothered about it. He sounds like he is dreading all the fuss and attention so he is putting it off.

Who on earth wants a proposal from someone who has been nagged into doing it?

Okydoky25

I picked my own ring and then waited 4 months for him to propose. During that time we went on a very romantic break but still no proposal! He eventually did it when he had planned.

Yes it drove me crazy but we got there.

fluffnutter

Just to remind people... you don't need a proposal to get married.

Pollycat

Adrenalina wrote: »

I disagree. I was very keen to get married, my OH not. For four years I waited. Every so often he would drunkenly hypothesise about asking me. Anyone with less moral conviction would have tried to convince their partner the next morning that he had REALLY proposed.
Eventually I had to use other heavy influences. The ones that drove me. At every step I had to convince him all over again. Asking my dad. Asking me. Buying a ring. Planning the ceremony.
Once it was done I felt an overwhelming sense of relief. Now we are tied together.
We have been married for nearly five years now and are happy. He doesn't regret getting married at all. For him, nothing changed that day. He didn't change his name, nor does he wear a ring. For me, the whole foundation of our life together changed, in a good way. I'm really glad we did it. I sometimes wish he was a bit more romantic, a bit more thoughtful, the kind of guy that looks ahead and plans for what might come. But he's not. He is straightforward, down to earth and easy-going. He fears change and just wants things to be as they are. And really, that's the guy I fell in love with

That's a view of marriage that I don't share with you - and I've been married for over 25 years.

I think the OP has become obsessed about this ring.
Maybe her partner is terrified of what the conversation between them is going to be like once he does produce the ring.
Wedding. Wedding. Wedding

This_Year

Milliebob wrote: »

I tried that over Christmas and didn't 'put out' for six weeks. He was in a FOUL mood last weekend and I thought it might change his mind so I gave in. Didn't work.

There's a word for that. :eek:

OP, you sound desperate and incredibly immature. A ring on your finger will not resolve the issues in your relationship.

(BTW I think that your son should have your surname but that's by the by)