Boyfriend bought me a ring but won't let me have it

Fuzzy_Duck

fluffnutter wrote: »

Just to remind people... you don't need a proposal to get married.

This. What exactly was said when the ring was bought? Did he say he wanted to hang on to it so he could formally propose with it? If not I would have assumed that it was yours to wear.

You become engaged as soon as you agree to marry- it doesn't require a romantic proposal and/or a ring. You obviously want a ring, and he has bought you one, so it seems daft there's been so much angst over this. If he's hanging on to it because he wants to 'surprise' you with a formal proposal at some point, then fair enough- he bought it and gets a say in this. If not, then yes, it does sound to me like he's gone off the idea.

Having said that, you have a child together, so I would have thought this is a committed relationship. Perhaps it is not the marriage he is scared of- it's all the wedding planning. If that's the case, you need to remember it's his wedding too and compromise on some things so he feels comfortable with it.

Errata

Cut to the chase. Shove a Hula Hoop on his finger and book the registrar.

seven-day-weekend

Prothet_of_Doom wrote: »

!!!!!! you have a child. What more commitment do you need?

You don't need ANY commitment to have a child together. Just a one-night-stand.

jenhug

Best way to get a man to do something is to stop nagging them.

rach_k

It sounds kind of like when my kids see me buy a packet of biscuits, then nag nag nag for them from the moment we get home. Perhaps I'm saving them for a special treat, maybe I was going to give them one but the constant nagging has annoyed me so I've changed my mind. Perhaps I'm waiting for them to forget about them so I can surprise them. Whatever the reason, nagging is a sure fire way to ensure I put the biscuits away and they don't get them.

I'd suggest stop talking about it, stop playing games, stop thinking about it at all. If you already live together and have a child together, being married won't change your day-to-day lives together that much. Concentrate on showing him that you are a good couple, work on making your relationship strong without the wedding then maybe one day he'll get to surprise you.

Person_one

rach_k wrote: »

It sounds kind of like when my kids see me buy a packet of biscuits, then nag nag nag for them from the moment we get home. Perhaps I'm saving them for a special treat, maybe I was going to give them one but the constant nagging has annoyed me so I've changed my mind. Perhaps I'm waiting for them to forget about them so I can surprise them. Whatever the reason, nagging is a sure fire way to ensure I put the biscuits away and they don't get them.

I'd suggest stop talking about it, stop playing games, stop thinking about it at all. If you already live together and have a child together, being married won't change your day-to-day lives together that much. Concentrate on showing him that you are a good couple, work on making your relationship strong without the wedding then maybe one day he'll get to surprise you.

Sorry, but, why is the decision to get married only up to him? He's not the parent here, he's not in charge!

Mojisola

rach_k wrote: »

It sounds kind of like when my kids see me buy a packet of biscuits, then nag nag nag for them from the moment we get home. Perhaps I'm saving them for a special treat, maybe I was going to give them one but the constant nagging has annoyed me so I've changed my mind. Perhaps I'm waiting for them to forget about them so I can surprise them. Whatever the reason, nagging is a sure fire way to ensure I put the biscuits away and they don't get them.

I'd suggest stop talking about it, stop playing games, stop thinking about it at all. If you already live together and have a child together, being married won't change your day-to-day lives together that much. Concentrate on showing him that you are a good couple, work on making your relationship strong without the wedding then maybe one day he'll get to surprise you.

Why should one of a couple have to wait for the other to decide - this isn't a parent/child relationship!

And it isn't the 19th century either!

If being married won't change their day-to-day lives, why wait?

Couples in this situation - where one wants to do the legal bit and the other seems reluctant - need to talk about it. Either he doesn't want to get married full-stop (in which case the OP will have to decide whether she can carry on as they are) or he doesn't want to do the "wedding" stuff (so is getting married in a low-key way acceptable to her?) or some other reason.

Until they both explain to each other how they feel, nothing will be settled. If they can't resolve this issue without having a sex strike or ignoring what their partner is saying, maybe the relationship doesn't have a future either way.

GBNI

Christ, I feel sorry for the guy! And not putting out for 6 weeks as you had no contraceptive pill? What a load of crap. There are other forms available over the counter and I'm fairly sure a doctor will do a repeat prescription within 48 hours. Sounds like you're just playing games. 'You won't give me what I want, so I won't give you what you want!' I'm sure that's a lovely atmosphere to bring a child up in.

pops5588

I must say the one thing that has stuck out to me, ignoring all the power games rubbish, is that he bought the ring on 0% finance. If he can't afford a ring, maybe he can't afford a wedding? OP, you said you have planned the wedding out already. Maybe in the process of planning the wedding he realised how much it was going to cost and panicked. He might just be trying to buy a bit more saving time but doesn't want to admit it to you that he isn't quite financially ready.

If I were you I would stop, take a breath and try and find a bit of patience or do it yourself...

pimento

The time to do it was before you started living as his wife. What incentive does he have to get married when he already has the benefits of a wife without a ring?