What would you do?

victory

TBeckett100 wrote: »

Have a back up sofa. I imagine this may set him into a spiral of drink and he may come home in a rage if he thinks you have been out. Have somewhere you can go

Agree with this, although you say it is amicable now, it never is that easy....

pickledonionspaceraider

I agree with the above- you need somewhere else to stay - at the very least as a back up.

I do hope you can move on from this and find a charming man who will treat you so much better

I am a big believer in actions speaking louder than words, and his words say he loves you, but his actions do not represent love. Be careful of him trying to manipulate you with words, should you end up staying there

Honestly, I would rather couch surf for a bit than stay there - as it won't be truly over until you move - for either of you.

Practicalities, how are you fixed for cash? Do you have, say, a months rent , in hand?

luckycat99

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

I do hope you can move on from this and find a charming man who will treat you so much better

I am a big believer in actions speaking louder than words, and his words say he loves you, but his actions do not represent love. Be careful of him trying to manipulate you with words, should you end up staying there

Practicalities, how are you fixed for cash? Do you have, say, a months rent , in hand?

I hope I can meet someone too - that's what's keeping me going, the thought that there might be someone better out there for me.

He has said tonight that he had been planning a surprise party for me to celebrate a big recent personal acheivement. I softened briefly but then remembered that I should remain sceptical.

I have no money in hand. I live paycheck to paycheck. Savings went on wedding - which I won't get back.

gettingtheresometime

Have you thought about a house share?

Try https://www.spareroom.co.uk

TBeckett100

luckycat99 wrote: »

I hope I can meet someone too - that's what's keeping me going, the thought that there might be someone better out there for me.

He has said tonight that he had been planning a surprise party for me to celebrate a big recent personal acheivement. I softened briefly but then remembered that I should remain sceptical.

I have no money in hand. I live paycheck to paycheck. Savings went on wedding - which I won't get back.

Yep, that's emotional blackmail. Ask friends and family if they knew of the surprise party.... I suspect they don't and therefore it's just words.

Watch out for these little "aren't I sweet" comments and then remember why you have no money in the bank and have to be codependent, because he has gambled it.

It's tough I know.

There will be someone out there for you. However if he thinks you are on the market and you are still in his house, prepare for the worst. Alcohol, jealousy and rejection are usually the main defences in court

TBeckett100

luckycat99 wrote: »

I hope I can meet someone too - that's what's keeping me going, the thought that there might be someone better out there for me.

He has said tonight that he had been planning a surprise party for me to celebrate a big recent personal acheivement. I softened briefly but then remembered that I should remain sceptical.

I have no money in hand. I live paycheck to paycheck. Savings went on wedding - which I won't get back.

By the way how old are you?

Yorkie1

Good luck for the future, OP.

It must feel awfully tough at the moment, but you will regain control of your life and finances, and things will eventually start to look up.

TrickyWicky

luckycat99 wrote: »

We are living together still as I have nowhere else to go and can't afford to leave as he owes me a lot of money.

Is there anyone he doesn't owe money? He doesn't owe you money at all. As far as you're concerned, he's written that off - thats why he borrowed it from you in the first place. Unless you have something in writing and signed by you both, that debt does not legally exist. People who borrow money from people they know do so because they know this.

luckycat99 wrote: »

I know he sounds like a sh*t to all of you but I do really love him and he loves me

You are kidding yourself. He's had what he wants from you and now you're just a convenience for him. He does not love you. Sure he might tell you he does and show you the odd bit of string_along_affection but thats all it is - it's attention to keep you hanging around for his convenience and that is ALL it is.

I'm sorry to put it to you like that but someone has to wake you up so that you can move on with your life. The guy is a waster and he's wasting you while he's at it and sacrificing your life that you should be living.

Get out ASAP and get on with your life. Find yourself someone new who respects you and likes you for who you are. Don't go for the bad boy type again because it'll all end in tears. Sure you might have a thrill for a while but it will not be a stable long term relationship that you clearly desire.

Sorry if the truth hurts but you really need to move on and enjoy your life.

Pollycat

That's a big, brave decision, luckycat, so well done to you. :T

You know it's not going to be easy, but I wish you all the best in the future.

Take note of those posters advising you to have a safe place to run to should it be necessary. I hope it won't be.

luckycat99

TBeckett100 wrote: »

By the way how old are you?

I'm 35.

Thanks for the supportive messages. I have to say that comments about whether he loves me or not aren't what I find helpful. The point is that I have ended the relationship and will leave. I would like this to be a safe space where I don't feel I'm being criticised for previous decisions.

I do appreciate everyones support and advice though. It is helping me to consider all the aspects I've not thought of yet.