What would you do?

MFWannabe

luckycat99 wrote: »

Thanks for the support and reminders why I shouldn't wobble. I'm back on an even keel now. Well almost. I've had a mixed day today. Felt quite upset and anxious at work so had to go and sit in the car in work carpark till it passed. Then felt very angry for most of this evening.

It's been a difficult weekend. His mum, who I'm quite close to, sent me an email and that started the wobble.

In terms of practical steps for moving I have collected a stack of boxes off Freecycle and am seeking legal advice. I also told him I'll be staying at my friends flat for the next month.

Tiny steps...but still steps in the right direction.

Thanks guys x

Once you move into your friends flat you'll feel such a sense of relief; you won't want to move back x
Use this month staying at your friends flat to gain as much info as possible and to seriously look for somewhere else to live once you have to move out of your friends (I assume you have to? Is there anyway you could stay a bit longer?)
Maybe if you can't afford to rent on your own you could look for rooms to rent? This would be cheaper in the short term too while you save some money and also a good way of making new friends.
I take it his mom wants you to stay with him? Probably because she doesn't want him back at theirs and so he's someone elses problem
Try not to let others get to you. You have to do what is right for YOU. And no one else.

luckycat99

I'm waiting to move into friends flat. Can't wait. He's such a tw%t. Just had an argument with him. I asked him if he would compensate me for the fact I've been paying half his mortgage for the last 7 odd years. I've looked into this and this seems to be the precedent, if not then having a share of the equity. He's been an idiot and said I'm after my "entitlements" and I want my cake and eat it. I pointed out that actually this is a description of him - he wants his mortgage paid for and then me leave with nothing - despite the fact this is his mess up. He seems to think that I should suffer because I split up with him. He said I could have chosen to stay with him and then not put myself in this position. He doesn't have a clue! He can't see that he has ruined my life - it's all "poor him".

I'm so upset and angry. I hate him and I can't believe I didn't see through him sooner. I'd had a reasonable day today and he's ruined it - like he ruins everything.

sunshine_shell

i'm in the process of leaving my husband and i've had wobbles but not any more!!

And i'm not letting him ruin anymore of my life, use the anger towards him to prove to him you made the right decision!

luckycat99

His behaviour is making the wobbles disappear. I don't recognise the man I fell in love with. The self-pity and lack of concern for anyone else is sickening. It is strengthening my resolve to get out.

I don't know much about your situation but all the advice I can give is to follow your gut. Deep down you know whether you are doing the right thing. I used to follow my heart with him as I loved him so much - I ignored my head and my gut as I thought the love was the most important thing. Don't get me wrong - love is important and I'm not a cold person at all, but I think love (and fear of getting it wrong) is what kept me in this relationship for so long. Eight and a half years later - I realise I should have done this years ago.

I'm going to hold onto my anger - long enough to get out, after that I'll work through it so I don't turn into an angry person or a man-hater.

Good luck and stay strong.

I_try

That is the best piece of advice anyone gave me when I split up with my ex-husband - listen to your gut. It tells you what your heart doesn't always want to hear and your head isn't quite able to put together. There where many times when my gut was telling me the complete opposite to what my head and heart were saying and I thought I was paranoid or losing my grip on my sanity but my gut proved correct every time.


Look at the long term and listen to your gut, it might take a while but you will come out the other side. Sending hugs your way.


Have a look at Narcissim, your ex sounds disturbingly like mine and what I have read of narcissm may as well have just had his name written in the definition. It helped me to see that his behaviour was not my doing as he made me believe it was and immunised me to the 'aren't I sweet/considerate/helpful/good to you' routine he would try when bullying wasn't working.

NewShadow

You might want to get in touch with shelter/ the land registry to register your interest in the property.

Just in case he decides to sell quick and spend/hide the cash or if his bookies come to collect.

Financial shares
The non-owner may have a right to a financial stake (a beneficial interest) in the property. If you can't agree what share s/he should get, you can ask the court to decide. The court may recognise the non-owner as having a financial share if:

you have a written agreement saying that s/he has a share
s/he paid part of the deposit when you bought your home
s/he has paid part of your mortgage payments
you have a verbal agreement (such as if s/he gave up somewhere else on the understanding that s/he would be able to stay long-term)
The owner may be able to sell or re-mortgage the property in the meantime. The non-owner may be able to stop her/him from doing this until a decision can be made by getting a court order or registering her/his beneficial interest with the Land Registry.

http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/Buying_and_selling/finding_a_place_to_buy/sole_ownership

luckycat99

So I've not been on here for a while. I thought I'd update and ask for more advice please.

I left him and moved out. I now live in a house-share. I haven't done anything about the money with the house as I (foolishly) worried about our friendship. I saw him today with his new woman and I'm crushed. I know it was my choice to leave and that I did the right thing and that I'm better off without him, but it hurts like hell because I never stopped loving him.

Well I think I need to stop being Mrs Nice-guy and pursue the money. I've had legal advice and been told I'm entitled to between £40-100k. She advised not to go via court as it could be pricey and difficult. She quoted me £1k and then an additional £1k to consult with an expert on Married Womens Property Act (which would be very relevant to my case). I don't know how reasonable this quote is and I don't know how to find a solicitor who is the expert in this. It makes sense to me to go straight to the person with the expert knowledge rather than go to someone else who will be the middle-man for accessing this advice. If that makes sense.

I have tried looking online and at the Law Society website but to be honest I'm not really sure where to begin as I've never had to use a solicitor before. I basically want someone who will help me get results.

I would really appreciate any advice.

Thanks.