What would you do?

When_the_going_gets_tough

You are going through a hard time right now - but this seems entirely for the best long term and your life will improve when you are on your own and can look forward instead of back to what might have been. Can you find extra work - both to drive down your debts and keep you busy?

luckycat99

Having another wobble. Just went through the old birthday/valentines/xmas cards from him. Very upset and thinking about all the people who can and do forgive their partners after something like this...

poppycracker

dont wobble, stay strong. From what you've said, you've already forgiven him more than once.

MFWannabe

Don't wobble Luckycat.
They never change no matter how many chances you give them; you just become more dragged down by them.
Been there, done that, got the t-shirt unfortunately.
Things do get better; may seem tough at first but believe me it makes you stronger.
Please consider living elsewhere; the longer you stay in his house the more he will always think you'll get back together. And you'll always be scared when he goes out drinking what sort of mood he will come home in
Can you stay with friends for a few months while you save to live on your own?

mwa

Hello Luckycat,

I just wanted to say hello, I have been reading through your threads and think that you are a very brave and sensible lady for making what I am sure will turn out to be a very good decision for your long term well being.

It is normal to have wobbles when the bottom of your world has fallen out and you desperately want to stick a huge plaster over the whole thing and pray it turns out ok. But I think it sounds like the sensible part of you knows this isn't going to happen.

Stay strong and try to get out of there as soon as you can, being around him isn't going to make it any easier to move on.

Big hugs
MWA xx

TBeckett100

No wobbling allowed luckycat!

He will be charming, until you walk out that door, it won't be over in his mind and his charm offensive will continue.

Just remember that this man is the man who spent your financial future and threatened to hit you. Not to mention a man who would rather nurse a pint than his relationship and has kept very significant secrets. The relationship was toxic. Read back your posts. A whole year has passed. To wobble now is to go back and throw away the progress you have made this year. Leopoldo won't change their spots.

You need to value yourself more Luckycat.

Keeping_Positive

If you spare a fiver I would recommend the bok Living with a dominator by Pat Craven. Its a really good eye opener.

I moved into a temp flat and now a small dated flat with handouts from a lovely 3 bed but I wouldnt move back even if I had to go to a bed sit. Its mine and thars what counts.

MFWannabe

Hope you're okay Luckycat

luckycat99

Thanks for the support and reminders why I shouldn't wobble. I'm back on an even keel now. Well almost. I've had a mixed day today. Felt quite upset and anxious at work so had to go and sit in the car in work carpark till it passed. Then felt very angry for most of this evening.

It's been a difficult weekend. His mum, who I'm quite close to, sent me an email and that started the wobble.

In terms of practical steps for moving I have collected a stack of boxes off Freecycle and am seeking legal advice. I also told him I'll be staying at my friends flat for the next month.

Tiny steps...but still steps in the right direction.

Thanks guys x

meritaten

stay strong - ignore those who try to get you to stay - how the hell does his mum know what YOUR life is like?
You need to go - the sooner the better. and a clean break hun.