Male Approaching 40 still trying to find "the one"

Cloudydaze

paulineb wrote: »

There are a few decent meet up groups in Glasgow, in fact there are tons of them (Im not in Glasgow, but its my nearest big city).

I think thats a much better way of getting to meet new people than on POF or on match and theres a variety of different groups.

I don't disagree that Meet Up groups are a good way of meeting people but I wouldn't say they are much better than dating sites.

At least meeting someone from a dating site, you know that they are single, looking for a relationship and have an expressed an interest in you.

Kynthia

Thinking of all men or all women in generalisations won't help you find someone. All women don't like a guy to be a laugh a minute and the entertainment for the evening. Lots of people like different things in the opposite sex, but there are some key things that are needed in order to get from first meet to a relationship.


You have to seem interested in the other person, make excuses to spend time with them or actually ask them out if they appear interested too. However don't come across as desperate, always talking about relationships or wanting one or coming across too strong or chasing someone who has barely shown an interest. You don't have to be hilarious but there needs to be conversational flow and finding each other interesting and fun to be around. Don't be negative and come across as so laid back that your boring or a non-achiever. You don't have to have run the marathon or earn millions but have achievements or done things you are proud of. You have to have qualities that the other is looking for and finds important, but sometimes people don't even know what person and qualities would suit them so there's no point faking any. Online dating is very forced and pressured so for many people find it better to just do activities, go to events and parties, socialise, meet new people, develop hobbies and have a full life. That way they might get to know someone new where there is that spark of attraction but have a fun life even if they don't.

lostinrates

CC-Warrior wrote: »

Dating is overrated, .

I miss dating. . In general I don't think we are good at dating in uk but I loved it. The worst thing about being married is no more dates.

paulineb_2

Cloudydaze wrote: »

I don't disagree that Meet Up groups are a good way of meeting people but I wouldn't say they are much better than dating sites.

At least meeting someone from a dating site, you know that they are single, looking for a relationship and have an expressed an interest in you.

Ill disagree on that one, I've had few positive experiences on dating sites but that's just me, they work for some people, I've found it pretty soul destroying and I've preferred meet up.

paulineb_2

Actually, there's a Glasgow group on meet up made up of people who used to be on match. Com, called ex match.commers, looks as if they have quite a varied programme of events and they only charge for some of the meets and then its a quid, some of the other groups charge a bit more.

Cloudydaze

NWOIHTS wrote: »

I am happy with the way I am but I find it strange people seem to have such high expectations when it comes to dating.

Just to add, I think it's strange that you think it's strange that people have such high expectations when it comes to dating!

I'm happy with my life. Yes I'm looking for someone to share it with but I'm not settling for second best!

Cloudydaze

paulineb wrote: »

Ill disagree on that one, I've had few positive experiences on dating sites but that's just me, they work for some people, I've found it pretty soul destroying and I've preferred meet up.

I wonder if it's a regional thing. A friend in Glasgow has had a similar experiences.

I'm in London. I've had numerous fun, interesting dates with very suitable and lovely guys. Most just lack the elusive mutual 'spark'!

paulineb_2

I don't think I've got very high expectations of dating, right now id settle for someone who isn't a two timing Walter Mitty wannabe/psycho, but that's why I'm no longer on dating sites, I met a couple of people who were, well hard work doesn't cover it.

As I said in previous posts, I know people who met on dating sites and are really happy, but it wasn't for me.

I think sometimes you do need to step away from the PC and get out there, my experience of pof as a 40 something female was that a lot of people wanted you to appear on their life and fix it, or people who were obviously lonely and then you got the people who said hello and five minutes later wanted your address so they could come round and have a conversation about pot plants, no that would be so they could give you one because you're obviously gagging for it.

And I know a few females with much the same tales as me, I'm sure men also have had a few lucky escapes on there.

I think that's very much the problem sometimes, rather than dating, a lot of people just want to skip the dating and go straight to shagging, men and women both.

Its not been so bad in meet up, probably because you are in a group, the focus isn't so much on dating.

I think online as well there are always a group of people who just want to message and not meet, as it's the kid in the sweet shop scenario for some, some people have a lot of choice as well.

paulineb_2

Cloudydaze wrote: »

I wonder if it's a regional thing. A friend in Glasgow has had a similar experiences.

I'm in London. I've had numerous fun, interesting dates with very suitable and lovely guys. Most just lack the elusive mutual 'spark'!

It could very well be. Both people I met from pof weren't Scottish, but the fact that it's a smaller country and there's only a certain percentage of people on pof anyway, means that there's obviously a lot less people to choose from.

A girl I know who got engaged to someone through that site, he's English but she's in the north of Scotland and said all her dates pre him were lovely, its just pot luck.

Skinnylatte

I married some-one off POF - now divorced! Am, well and truly fed up with the whole dating thing. If I spend the rest of my life single then it will be an improvement on writing yet another profile and fielding endless pointless messages, not to mention the numerous let downs