Male Approaching 40 still trying to find "the one"

SuzieSue

NWOIHTS wrote: »

one of which I fancied, and liked me too as I heard from others, but didn't have the balls to take it any further,

Why not? I know it isn't easy, but there is no point trying to meet people if you don't take the next step and ask them out. All you need to do is talk about films you've seen or concerts you've been to and that'll give you the opportunity to invite her to the cinema or a concert.

indiepanda

Internet dating can be hard work, but I stuck at it for 4-5 months, meeting up with 12 different guys, the final one of which is my boyfriend of 20 months.

I have to admit for a while I felt like I was in danger of getting the material for a stand up comedy routine rather than a relationship, but it was worth it in the end.

If you are really serious about meeting someone suitable you have to be prepared to sort through a fair number of at best idiotic and at worst downright salacious messages to find the few gems in there of nice guys who are looking for a girlfriend rather than just a shag - and some guys I spoke to said it was much the same for them. But then is that really any different to meeting people down the pub / at a nightclub? I am too shy to go approaching strangers when out, and I didn't want to spend my life waiting for someone to approach me.

I am a member and in London they have a number of under 40s events as well as events open to all (I'd say the average spice member is probably closer to 50), and the women tend to outnumber the men. It's not a "singles club" though a lot of members are single / divorced, and given the bias in numbers I would never suggest it as a route to meeting a man for a woman, but the other way round, definitely.

They do a wide variety of events - I mainly do hiking - but they do various extreme sporty things, cultural things, social evenings. If you couldn't find anything you liked on their events program I would be surprised.

Fireflyaway

Its important to stay true to who you are . If you put on a front then don't be surprised that the woman might go off you when she sees you are not what she thought you were.

For men there isn't that rush that woman sometimes feel - biological clock and all that! 40 is not old and its better to wait and find the right one.

I met my husband through a dating site. Its sort of straight to the point. You can meet up with several people in a short space of time where as waiting to meet people by chance can take years! Personally I find all this banter and arrogance stuff a turn off. Its just a front for insecurities in many people and I find people who are too loud and 'funny' irritating! I know some girls like it but some don't. be yourself and in time you will find someone.

vodkachick68

indiepanda wrote: »

Internet dating can be hard work, but I stuck at it for 4-5 months, meeting up with 12 different guys, the final one of which is my boyfriend of 20 months.

I have to admit for a while I felt like I was in danger of getting the material for a stand up comedy routine rather than a relationship, but it was worth it in the end.

If you are really serious about meeting someone suitable you have to be prepared to sort through a fair number of at best idiotic and at worst downright salacious messages to find the few gems in there of nice guys who are looking for a girlfriend rather than just a shag - and some guys I spoke to said it was much the same for them. But then is that really any different to meeting people down the pub / at a nightclub? I am too shy to go approaching strangers when out, and I didn't want to spend my life waiting for someone to approach me.

I am a member and in London they have a number of under 40s events as well as events open to all (I'd say the average spice member is probably closer to 50), and the women tend to outnumber the men. It's not a "singles club" though a lot of members are single / divorced, and given the bias in numbers I would never suggest it as a route to meeting a man for a woman, but the other way round, definitely.

They do a wide variety of events - I mainly do hiking - but they do various extreme sporty things, cultural things, social evenings. If you couldn't find anything you liked on their events program I would be surprised.

Good on you for meeting someone nice through Internet dating. I've all but given up with it as there are so many timewasters on there not to mention men only after one thing and pretending they are lovely when they turn out to be sods!! I was on pof for 8 months and I can say that I am happier off the damn site than I was on it...it drove me nuts to be honest and I'm really hoping I find "the one" naturally though I'm 47 and keep thinking I'll be on my own for the rest of my life lol!!

indiepanda

vodkachick68 wrote: »

Good on you for meeting someone nice through Internet dating. I've all but given up with it as there are so many timewasters on there not to mention men only after one thing and pretending they are lovely when they turn out to be sods!! I was on pof for 8 months and I can say that I am happier off the damn site than I was on it...it drove me nuts to be honest and I'm really hoping I find "the one" naturally though I'm 47 and keep thinking I'll be on my own for the rest of my life lol!!

I know what you mean about the time wasters... oh and the men after one thing. One guy expected our first date to be me going to his flat for sex - not even meeting in a bar first to see if there was any chemistry (or check he didn't seem like a serial killer!!!). We didn't meet at all....

I think you need to have a pretty thick skin, be in a very good place in your life and be able to laugh things off to survive internet dating. It's a numbers game and most of them are losing ones.

I suspect the nice guys get snapped up very quickly - I was my boyfriend's second internet date, he was only on there for a couple of weeks. I didn't hang around either - saw he'd viewed my profile a few times in the same day but not messaged me. Almost talked myself out of messaging him as he described himself as athletic and I am more curvy than athletic and in my insecurity imagined he'd probably been put off by my photos.

Thought some more and concluded if that was the reason, he wouldn't have looked multiple times, could have seen I am not skinny on the first look, so bit the bullet and messaged him. Got a speedy, articulate and pleasant reply, spent all evening messaging back and forth and when I went to bed signed off saying it was nice chatting and perhaps we could do it again in person. By the morning had a reply back and we agreed to meet the day after... and the rest is history.

Oh, and the reason he hadn't messaged me? Fed up of getting pursued by guys literally young enough to be my son (e.g. worst case was 19 to my then 41!) I had something on my profile about not wanting to date someone young enough to be my son. He'd worried at nearly six years my junior that would be too young. Not sure I know of any 6 year old mothers... Glad I didn't let my insecurities talk me out of it anyway. I had almost got to the point of giving up when we met.

vodkachick68

indiepanda wrote: »

I know what you mean about the time wasters... oh and the men after one thing. One guy expected our first date to be me going to his flat for sex - not even meeting in a bar first to see if there was any chemistry (or check he didn't seem like a serial killer!!!). We didn't meet at all....

I think you need to have a pretty thick skin, be in a very good place in your life and be able to laugh things off to survive internet dating. It's a numbers game and most of them are losing ones.

I suspect the nice guys get snapped up very quickly - I was my boyfriend's second internet date, he was only on there for a couple of weeks. I didn't hang around either - saw he'd viewed my profile a few times in the same day but not messaged me. Almost talked myself out of messaging him as he described himself as athletic and I am more curvy than athletic and in my insecurity imagined he'd probably been put off by my photos.

Thought some more and concluded if that was the reason, he wouldn't have looked multiple times, could have seen I am not skinny on the first look, so bit the bullet and messaged him. Got a speedy, articulate and pleasant reply, spent all evening messaging back and forth and when I went to bed signed off saying it was nice chatting and perhaps we could do it again in person. By the morning had a reply back and we agreed to meet the day after... and the rest is history.

Oh, and the reason he hadn't messaged me? Fed up of getting pursued by guys literally young enough to be my son (e.g. worst case was 19 to my then 41!) I had something on my profile about not wanting to date someone young enough to be my son. He'd worried at nearly six years my junior that would be too young. Not sure I know of any 6 year old mothers... Glad I didn't let my insecurities talk me out of it anyway. I had almost got to the point of giving up when we met.

Mmm yes I know what you mean about having a thick skin lol,some of the messages I have received have been ahem..interesting lol. I even got a message from a woman wanting to know if I would participate in a threesome:eek: I think Internet dating needs alot of effort and maybe I haven't been trying hard enough? Trouble is I am pretty fussy when it comes to men,if there isn't that spark or chemistry then forget it! I'm not talking love at first sight just that spark which needs to be there for me anyway lol. It's so nice to hear people that have met online like yourself cos it's proof that it does work sometimes,and I know a few of my friends and aquaintances that have met online with good results😀maybe I should venture back on there and see what happens lol.