Male Approaching 40 still trying to find "the one"

prowla

Gloomendoom wrote: »

Oh dear. Have you considered counselling?

I might try it - I'm quite good at giving advice.

NWOIHTS

So I have now chucked match.com it's a lot of !!!!!!

I had 2 previous relationships from match but now it seems no one is even bothered replying anymore or putting effort in. I think most are on there just to gloat and sugar coat their life, and see how many views they can get. In fact to tell the truth I find these dating sites really depressing now so I am going to give them a big body swerve.

Anyways onwards and upwards. Now going to the baths Mon/Wed night as well as my usual Saturday, mainly to try and lose some Winter blubber! Wednesday was actually a wee bit of an eye opener there was a few women there about my age, one of them gave me a quite long stare but I think it was a look of 'how could you let yourself go like that'

I'm also thinking of visiting other pools in the area and see what's happening there.

Person_one

I just...can't...

Bazey

Expectations too high. Stop being a d!ck and you might just find someone.

Good luck with that.

paulineb_2

I actually got chatted up in a swimming pool once, around 20 years ago, this guy swam up to me and said something along the lines of you look nice, would it be ok if I asked you out. I gave him the death stare and said no thanks (I was polite) and swam off. It was absolutely cringeworthy. I know some people chat people up at the gym, but I go to the gym to work out, I go swimming to swim.

Please dont contemplate going to a pool to check out the talent, its just wrong, theres no other word for it.

CC-Warrior

NWOIHTS wrote: »

So I have now chucked match.com it's a lot of !!!!!!

I had 2 previous relationships from match but now it seems no one is even bothered replying anymore or putting effort in. I think most are on there just to gloat and sugar coat their life, and see how many views they can get. In fact to tell the truth I find these dating sites really depressing now so I am going to give them a big body swerve.

Anyways onwards and upwards. Now going to the baths Mon/Wed night as well as my usual Saturday, mainly to try and lose some Winter blubber! Wednesday was actually a wee bit of an eye opener there was a few women there about my age, one of them gave me a quite long stare but I think it was a look of 'how could you let yourself go like that'

I'm also thinking of visiting other pools in the area and see what's happening there.

I think you may be trying to hard.

NWOIHTS

Thought I'd jump in here and put in a little update. Well I joined one of those meetup groups a while back, made some decent friends, mainly female would you believe, one of which I fancied, and liked me too as I heard from others, but didn't have the balls to take it any further, got out quite a bit, got more confidence, feel less anxious going out and meeting people in general. I say this as I was always really quiet and never knew what to say to people when talking, especially strangers.

Net result still single although had a "bit of a kiss" with one girl one of the nights out but she ended up a bit of a mad stalker, and still contacts me.

All in all have started building bridges for my confidence, outlook and general mingling experience. No big gains yet but it's a start. Is anyone else doing similar things to build their social confidence?

Maddybee33

Hi Guys and gals

Is it just me or is becoming nigh on impossible to find a suitable partner now? I am not tarring women or men here but I am finding a lot of the opposite sex just don't seem to be interested unless you can put someone in hospital with split sides from laughing at your banter, and/or you have that arrogant streak but with a James Bond wry slime.

Tell you what it is I am a happy easy going guy and just like to sail along and take things as they come, but this isn't enough it seems, I have to be a full time entertainer, adventurous to the max, and be caring and a gentleman all at the same time!

For me I know what I am and I am not going to put on a fake act to pretend I am someone I am not. I am happy with the way I am but I find it strange people seem to have such high expectations when it comes to dating.

So guys please share with me your stories as I'd love to think it is not just me seeing this in the dating arenas now. How do you find the dates you are meeting? And from women can you tell me why you require men to be so full of banter all the time, is this really necessary for life, love and procreation?

I know you girls will say no but we don't all like guys with a cheeky banter and arrogant side but what I see on the streets tells me a very different story!

Over and out!

N

I think that your problem might be trying to find 'the one', as opposed to someone that makes you feel happy and whom you have a ton in common with.

What on earth do you mean about a guy full of 'cheeky banter'- I really think that you need to get off the streets! My SO and I both hate what is commonly known as 'banter', and our idea of fun is ordering dominos and watching a really terrible movie together.

We're still young, but we met 7 years ago through a friend (that neither of us talk to anymore because he's not as 'nice' as he thinks he is) we've been dating for 6 years. I hope it lasts, it feels like it will, but for all we know we could be in your position some day.

I know you don't want someone half your age telling you this (but heck, I'm going to do it anyway ;-)) but I think there's SOME wisdom (take that for what it is, with a pinch of salt) in the whole 'it'll happen when you least expect it'- often people, women in particular, can tell when you're getting desperate, and trying a little too hard- and a relationship borne of that will never work out well. Just relax, be yourself, make friends, maybe you'll end up falling for one of them.

Edit- wow. I didn't realise that this was posted so long ago! At least you're getting out there, OP :-)
I've never been a confident person, myself. In fact, I am pretty damn socially awkward xD I just happened to find a guy that's just as awkward as I am, and who loves me for who I am.

NWOIHTS

Maddybee33 wrote: »

I think that your problem might be trying to find 'the one', as opposed to someone that makes you feel happy and whom you have a ton in common with.

What on earth do you mean about a guy full of 'cheeky banter'- I really think that you need to get off the streets! My SO and I both hate what is commonly known as 'banter', and our idea of fun is ordering dominos and watching a really terrible movie together.

We're still young, but we met 7 years ago through a friend (that neither of us talk to anymore because he's not as 'nice' as he thinks he is) we've been dating for 6 years. I hope it lasts, it feels like it will, but for all we know we could be in your position some day.

I know you don't want someone half your age telling you this (but heck, I'm going to do it anyway ;-)) but I think there's SOME wisdom (take that for what it is, with a pinch of salt) in the whole 'it'll happen when you least expect it'- often people, women in particular, can tell when you're getting desperate, and trying a little too hard- and a relationship borne of that will never work out well. Just relax, be yourself, make friends, maybe you'll end up falling for one of them.

Edit- wow. I didn't realise that this was posted so long ago! At least you're getting out there, OP :-)
I've never been a confident person, myself. In fact, I am pretty damn socially awkward xD I just happened to find a guy that's just as awkward as I am, and who loves me for who I am.

Wow thanks maddybee for your thoughts! Yeah I realise about 'the one' but I think it rings true, although I think we have 'the one' in our head, and 'the one' who is meant for us, if that makes sense? I don't mean it as someone perfect, what is perfect? I think it's that perfect scenario that fills our head, but instead it's the perfect person for us.

I think I have calmed down from desperately seeking 'the one' to just going with the flow and seeing what happens. I think that I always never believed in this statement because I always used to do what I wanted and never really thought about meeting anyone but nothing ever happened, but the truth was I had missed so many opportunities where I've had girls bump into me, smile start talking and I had a bit of a chip on my shoulder thinking they were just winding me up, or playing games, or because I was quiet I would usually blurt out something to make convo and say something inappropriate or cringy.

So I would just act aloof and disinterested therefore driving them away. But I know now that wasn't the case. I always wondered when I seen there face change to thunder when I done this, now I know.

Lucky for you meeting someone who is compatible. I'm quite slow on the uptake when trying to talk to people so usually what happens is the convo dries up and nothing happens, I've not met many girls similar to myself, the ones I come across always seem to be cheeky and almost condescending/!!!!!y for some reason. I've read that some women use this as a test to see if you can take it. I don't know but I find it repulsive and false so I try and stay away from it, or not take part at least.

katiasm

A lot of 'NICE' ladies unfortunately seem to be on the Jeremy Kyle show.
If you're a decent person, there doesn't seem much chance.