Male Approaching 40 still trying to find "the one"

NWOIHTS

Hi Guys and gals

Is it just me or is becoming nigh on impossible to find a suitable partner now? I am not tarring women or men here but I am finding a lot of the opposite sex just don't seem to be interested unless you can put someone in hospital with split sides from laughing at your banter, and/or you have that arrogant streak but with a James Bond wry slime.

Tell you what it is I am a happy easy going guy and just like to sail along and take things as they come, but this isn't enough it seems, I have to be a full time entertainer, adventurous to the max, and be caring and a gentleman all at the same time! :think:

For me I know what I am and I am not going to put on a fake act to pretend I am someone I am not. I am happy with the way I am but I find it strange people seem to have such high expectations when it comes to dating.

So guys please share with me your stories as I'd love to think it is not just me seeing this in the dating arenas now. How do you find the dates you are meeting? And from women can you tell me why you require men to be so full of banter all the time, is this really necessary for life, love and procreation?

I know you girls will say no but we don't all like guys with a cheeky banter and arrogant side but what I see on the streets tells me a very different story!

Over and out!

N

Seanymph

mmm.

The 'sailing along' thing is attractive. No one wants a drama every ten minutes, well no one over the age of about 15.

But what isn't attractive is indifference.

So although my OH isn't up and down and permanently entertaining - and generally speaking he goes with the flow and doesn't rock our boats, what he does do is get interested or involved or organised enough that I feel sure that I am a priority and he cares deeply for me.

I wouldn't want him to be so easy going he appeared indifferent to me.

So perhaps have a think about how that easy goingness comes across to a woman who would like reassurance and confidence that you are definitely interested.

Dozey_crow

NWOIHTS wrote: »

Hi Guys and gals

Is it just me or is becoming nigh on impossible to find a suitable partner now? I am not tarring women or men here but I am finding a lot of the opposite sex just don't seem to be interested unless you can put someone in hospital with split sides from laughing at your banter, and/or you have that arrogant streak but with a James Bond wry slime.

Tell you what it is I am a happy easy going guy and just like to sail along and take things as they come, but this isn't enough it seems, I have to be a full time entertainer, adventurous to the max, and be caring and a gentleman all at the same time! :think:

For me I know what I am and I am not going to put on a fake act to pretend I am someone I am not. I am happy with the way I am but I find it strange people seem to have such high expectations when it comes to dating.

So guys please share with me your stories as I'd love to think it is not just me seeing this in the dating arenas now. How do you find the dates you are meeting? And from women can you tell me why you require men to be so full of banter all the time, is this really necessary for life, love and procreation?

I know you girls will say no but we don't all like guys with a cheeky banter and arrogant side but what I see on the streets tells me a very different story!

Over and out!

N

We all find different things attractive in a partner. I like banter and a man with s gsoh is very important to me fortunately my DH is really funny. This doesn't mean we banner 24\7 but we do have a laugh every day.

My only advice would be to try and meet someone through a mutual interest or hobby where you can get to know them in a non-pressurized dating environment.

I have been married for quite some time but I have many friends both male and female who are single. IMO the whole 'dating' label leads to higher expectations on both sides, more anxiety on both sides and possibly more 'fakeness' trying to impress by putting on an act that is ultimately unsustainable. People meeting on courses, in a social environment or even at work fare better than those going straight to dating because they get to know eachother well.

Just my opinion. So my advice would be to carry on being yourself, maybe try some new social activities and see what happens.

Good luck.

Laurajo_2

My husband (been together seven years, got married last year) was pushing forty when I met him....prior to that, he had had one relationship of three years, in his late twenties.

Personally, I'm at a loss to why...if I do say so myself, he's quite a catch...he does have a good sense of humour (read: he laughs at things I think funny) however is not one for great one liners or quips himself, and when out with his friends, tends to be a 'blender inner' rather than a ring leader. He's also very easy going and goes with the flow - which, to be honest, works well in our relationship - he is very much the voice of reason.

It was kind of difficult for me when we first got together - previous partners had all been very 'charismatic' (read: funny, witty and likeable in public; demeaning, inconsiderate and arrogant behind closed doors) and I must admit, at times I felt that he wasn't too interested in me, because he did seem somewhat indifferent and didn't seem to have much 'drive'.

May I ask, where you are meeting people/potential dates? Maybe that needs to change, because it sounds like you are only meeting one sort of person.

DaveTheMus

When was the last time you asked someone out?

Some people are defeatist in this regard and don't try because 'what's the point?'

Make a point of going out tomorrow and trying to strike up a conversation with a few women and asking them out?

A mate of mine will stop women he's walking past in the street or in shops and try his luck, I'm always surprised by the amount of times he actually get's a phone number......

Person_one

A sense of entitlement to female attention and grievance that women aren't falling over themselves to get to you is not particularly attractive.

Hermia

Whilst I love a man with a GSOH I am not interested in 'banter' and don't think my girlfriends are either. We don't tend to hang around in bars and clubs which is where I imagine a lot of banter takes place though. As with all these sorts of questions you have to look at where you are trying to meet women. If you are spending every Saturday night at a club or bar where the women are all drunk and giggly and the men are all competing with each other you are possibly not going to find what you are looking for.

lostinrates

I'm in my thirties and have been married for about , um ten years. Not exactly sure, you'd have to ask him.:o


We have IMO a really good marriage, we are very in love and lust, we are mutually supportive, laugh a lot, love a lot, and are good friends.

The real secret though is that IMO....there is no 'one' and if you are looking for ' the one' you'll look a long time. I had relationships before him and would like to think I might have been in a happy long term relationship had I not met him.


My DH is rather low on banter, so its not what I was looking for I guess, but he does do a very good astute wry smile. .

FBaby

A man who can laugh at himself whilst having a responsible attitude to life is attractive. A man who takes himself seriously but thinks life responsibilities don't deserve much consideration isn't.

paulineb_2

I dont require men to be full of banter any time never mind all the time, in fact the word makes me cringe.

whitewing

Now that I have been married a few years, I am amazed at how many lovely, single men there are around. It's not that my standards have slipped, it is probably just that I am more relaxed with myself and men I meet respond to that. (I'm not getting involved with anyone or even flirting, I can be more objective from a distance when my whole future happiness isn't so dependent on what I think of someone).