Male Approaching 40 still trying to find "the one"

Hermia

paulineb wrote: »

I dont require men to be full of banter any time never mind all the time, in fact the word makes me cringe.

Same here. Along with selfie it is a word that irritates me greatly. It always makes me think of a bunch of male chimpanzees showing off!

NWOIHTS

Laurajo wrote: »

My husband (been together seven years, got married last year) was pushing forty when I met him....prior to that, he had had one relationship of three years, in his late twenties.

Personally, I'm at a loss to why...if I do say so myself, he's quite a catch...he does have a good sense of humour (read: he laughs at things I think funny) however is not one for great one liners or quips himself, and when out with his friends, tends to be a 'blender inner' rather than a ring leader. He's also very easy going and goes with the flow - which, to be honest, works well in our relationship - he is very much the voice of reason.

It was kind of difficult for me when we first got together - previous partners had all been very 'charismatic' (read: funny, witty and likeable in public; demeaning, inconsiderate and arrogant behind closed doors) and I must admit, at times I felt that he wasn't too interested in me, because he did seem somewhat indifferent and didn't seem to have much 'drive'.

May I ask, where you are meeting people/potential dates? Maybe that needs to change, because it sounds like you are only meeting one sort of person.

I'm not going out of my way to try and meet anyone and that is because anytime I have actually met someone I liked it was spur of the moment and I wasn't planning on trying to meet anyone.

Usually though it takes you by surprise and before you know it they have gone and then you click your fingers and think dang I'm not quick to act person I like to observe and think things through.

NWOIHTS

DaveTheMus wrote: »

When was the last time you asked someone out?

Some people are defeatist in this regard and don't try because 'what's the point?'

Make a point of going out tomorrow and trying to strike up a conversation with a few women and asking them out?

A mate of mine will stop women he's walking past in the street or in shops and try his luck, I'm always surprised by the amount of times he actually get's a phone number......

I've never actually asked someone that question but have had a few relationships, it was more just setting a date or whatever.

Yeah I am very defeatist I will put my hand up to that!

I tried talking to a few women maybe at checkouts and stuff and you just get this blank stare like why are you talking or just a wry smile and that's it.

I'll be honest I can't fake this chatty charming guy thing. The problem I think is females think because I don't talk much I am nervous and shy but I am not I am just quiet. I think more than talk.

Bella73

When you say you like to "sail along" is that actually coded for your flipping lazy and can't be bothered?

One of my colleagues if with a guy "who is soooo laid back" her words not mine....er no.... He's actually a lazy sod who does nothing and expects life to give him everything he wants, doesn't have a job as hasn't found one that suits him...been unemployed for years...now I'm not saying this is you at all but some women do like a bit of input...doesn't have to expensive but are you actually emotionally in putting anything at all or are you just sailing around waiting for it all to be glorious and perfect?

Alternatively you are looking in the wrong place or as your are "looking" you might be coming across as rather desperate which is very off putting.

Try talking to women that you like without thinking I want to date you etc etc as your signals might not be great.

NWOIHTS

Hermia wrote: »

Whilst I love a man with a GSOH I am not interested in 'banter' and don't think my girlfriends are either. We don't tend to hang around in bars and clubs which is where I imagine a lot of banter takes place though. As with all these sorts of questions you have to look at where you are trying to meet women. If you are spending every Saturday night at a club or bar where the women are all drunk and giggly and the men are all competing with each other you are possibly not going to find what you are looking for.

About 70% or more of that dating profiles I read say must be able to make me laugh or looking for good banter. I don't know if this is a sort of pretense or whatever it is but I make a point of just ignoring those profiles.

Person_one

NWOIHTS wrote: »

I'll be honest I can't fake this chatty charming guy thing. The problem I think is females think because I don't talk much I am nervous and shy but I am not I am just quiet. I think more than talk.

Female whats?

If you mean female humans, we're called women.

NWOIHTS

Person_one wrote: »

A sense of entitlement to female attention and grievance that women aren't falling over themselves to get to you is not particularly attractive.

It really isn't anything to do with grievance or thinking women should be falling over themselves to get to me - although that would be good now that you mention it!

NWOIHTS

Person_one wrote: »

Female whats?

If you mean female humans, we're called women.

What the hell is wrong with saying females?

Netwizard

NWOIHTS wrote: »

Hi Guys and gals

Is it just me or is becoming nigh on impossible to find a suitable partner now?

N

Nope. I'm the same. Not had a date / relationship in 30 years, despite working in an environment where there are a lot of women to men ratio!

Up to about 30 years old, the women happily admit to liking the "bad boys" but after 30 odd, they seem to want to settle down and find someone less like that.

The way I see it is that I have some very good lady friends, and that's good enough for me nowadays. Not bothered about going out on the weekends trying to find or impress anyone. I guess it just works better for me nowadays.

And anyone who says "The ideal woman will turn up with you stop looking" is rubbish, at least in my case

Person_one

NWOIHTS wrote: »

What the hell is wrong with saying females?

Its the wrong word, female is an adjective. Its also rather dehumanising don't you think? Makes us sound like lab monkeys.

I'm not at all surprised you used it though. :cool: