Male Approaching 40 still trying to find "the one"

System

Even as a 20 something I had difficulty meeting people (despite having an active social life), hence increasing my chances via online dating

I imagine it would be harder if I was 40 something,

Cloudydaze

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

Actively looking for a partner can come across as a person being desperate.

Seriously?! Does wanting to be in a relationship and being proactive about meeting someone come across as being desperate?

System

Cloudydaze wrote: »

Seriously?! Does wanting to be in a relationship and being proactive about meeting someone come across as being desperate?

Well sitting at home waiting for the one to materialize certainly isn't proactive or fun, trust me I tried it for a few months :rotfl:

I don't think it's bad to be proactive, besides I like a man with a bit of get up and go

paulineb_2

I am fine on my own, however, meeting people isnt that easy. Ive posted before about this, even in my 20s the people I met and had relationships with were friends of friends. Im not someone who dates much and never have. The thing is, to meet someone you have to make effort. Im a member of a few meet up groups, never joined them looking to meet a potential partner, just to get me out. Lots of people use online dating, not just people in their 40s, people in their 20s and 30s as well, because a lot of people find that meeting the one or even the one for now isnt a simple matter. Ive always approached being on POF with a pinch of salt. I actually used POF more to go to the nights out they organised rather than dating, but its not just a matter of someone will do for me, some people treat it like a kid in a sweet shop scenario. But others really dont.

Meeting someone really special is the problem, you have to put effort in to find them. Yes there are time wasters, yes some people are just looking for a quick shag but some people have met people they wouldnt have connected with otherwise and are in relationships just due to signing up on a website.

brockg

Finding "the one" can be a challenge no matter what age we may be. When we are young we are all looking for the one, and typically find someone who works for now. Of course we don't realize this at first, but we have all been in relationships with "the one" only to find out a few months or years later that they were not even close. I would wonder what sort of activities you are involved in? Do you have hobbies or anything of the sort that would allow you to find and interact with someone who is interested in similar things?

System

paulineb wrote: »

I am fine on my own, however, meeting people isnt that easy. Ive posted before about this, even in my 20s the people I met and had relationships with were friends of friends. Im not someone who dates much and never have. The thing is, to meet someone you have to make effort. Im a member of a few meet up groups, never joined them looking to meet a potential partner, just to get me out. Lots of people use online dating, not just people in their 40s, people in their 20s and 30s as well, because a lot of people find that meeting the one or even the one for now isnt a simple matter. Ive always approached being on POF with a pinch of salt. I actually used POF more to go to the nights out they organised rather than dating, but its not just a matter of someone will do for me, some people treat it like a kid in a sweet shop scenario. But others really dont.

Meeting someone really special is the problem, you have to put effort in to find them. Yes there are time wasters, yes some people are just looking for a quick shag but some people have met people they wouldnt have connected with otherwise and are in relationships just due to signing up on a website.

I think I'm biased as I met my bf on POF, have been together nearly 2 years. Our paths would never have crossed if not for that site, especially as he lives in another city. My best friend had been single about 5 years before I convinced him to give online dating a try, his first date was with a girl who is now his gf and honestly she's perfect for him he would as I never have met her otherwise

That's not to say I didn't have bad dates and dating mishaps. I mean I've met bfs in weird places. One I met at Alton towers, another I met at Leeds fest! The worst relationship I had I met in a "normal" situation when out, though I do wonder if I was just drunk throughout that whole relationship :rotfl:

paulineb_2

Yeah, Ive had more than one relationship where I think I took leave of my sanity for the entire duration.

System

paulineb wrote: »

Yeah, Ive had more than one relationship where I think I took leave of my sanity for the entire duration.

Thankfully I've only had the one but by god

I wish I could go back in time and slap some sense into myself!

I blame the fact if had one too many sambucas when I met him and he seems like a normal human being, not a cheating, lying (verging on) abusive scumbag!!

skintchick

OP have you rewritten your profile yet? I've read the thread now but my first though when reading your op was that you sounded aimless, possibly lazy and definitely looking for an easy life, and lacklustre, from what you said about yourself. None of that is attractive.

Why not get some help here to write a good profile?

lori64

CC-Warrior wrote: »

The other problem is when you get to a certain age and have not settled down/never been married, society looks down on you as if there's something wrong with you.

I know what you mean...it's even worse if you have no kids either.
How dare I be 49yrs never married, and admit I never wanted kids.:rotfl:

Oddly enough, it was usually by people who were married and miserable. It's other peoples issue, not mine. I find at times many people do what's expected of them and follow everyone else whether its what they really want to do or not!

I quite like being single anyway, have spent majority of my life out of relationships than in them.

I found internet dating sites weren't really for me. I'm just not looking anymore. I found there wasn't much choice in my area of Scotland, and many people join sites after splitting up with an ex looking for an immediate replacement.