Male Approaching 40 still trying to find "the one"

bendis

Late to join the conversation...

OP, perhaps the issue is with you looking for 'the one'. That's setting the bar very high from the beginning. Just think about it in terms of "I'd like to find someone I'm attracted to and I can have a conversation with and see where things go". "I'm looking for the love of my life" is very heavy, especially in today's shallow world

Having said that, I'm not the best person to give advice I'm F 39, 'single and looking' and not getting anywhere (I like to think it's because I don't have much time to go out - as I have a child and can only go out 2 nights a week - but it's probably more than that!). I tried and abandoned POF and Guardian Soulmates, still on OKC and Tinder. Made a couple of nice friends along the way so not all is lost

bendis

newcook wrote: »

and the 'selfies' with their shirts lifted up - do they think this makes women swoon?!

It sends a very clear message...

My favourite is 'men holding a big fish'. Has anyone noticed how many men on dating sites are posting photos with fish? I keep wondering... are there so many men into fishing? Or perhaps it's meant as a metaphor.. fishing = looking for a partner.

paulineb_2

bendis wrote: »

Late to join the conversation...

OP, perhaps the issue is with you looking for 'the one'. That's setting the bar very high from the beginning. Just think about it in terms of "I'd like to find someone I'm attracted to and I can have a conversation with and see where things go". "I'm looking for the love of my life" is very heavy, especially in today's shallow world

Having said that, I'm not the best person to give advice I'm F 39, 'single and looking' and not getting anywhere (I like to think it's because I don't have much time to go out - as I have a child and can only go out 2 nights a week - but it's probably more than that!). I tried and abandoned POF and Guardian Soulmates, still on OKC and Tinder. Made a couple of nice friends along the way so not all is lost

I agree, the one is quite something to have to live up to.

NWOIHTS

newcook wrote: »

We do exist!! Im 33, no kids (but want them), never been married (but want to one day), have been told Im quite attractive, am fun to be with, can hold conversation etc.

I already know what my problem is – Im too picky!! I know what Im looking for in a man and if someone on a dating site messages me and I don’t think they have what Im looking for I wont date them. I would rather be single than with someone just for the sake of being with someone until someone better comes along!

Do you ever ask them if they have what you are looking for just in case you are making a rash assumption?

CC-Warrior

Someone I know used the copy and paste 'scatter-gun' approach...and eventually it worked!!

I think the words were "Hi I'm ****** and single"

There you go!

CC-Warrior

The other problem is when you get to a certain age and have not settled down/never been married, society looks down on you as if there's something wrong with you.

paulineb_2

CC-Warrior wrote: »

The other problem is when you get to a certain age and have not settled down/never been married, society looks down on you as if there's something wrong with you.

I've never had any negative comments from anyone close to me about the fact I've never been married. The only people who have made comments are people I barely know, I'd never comment on someone's divorce, it really doesn't bother me at all.

cgk1

I didn't realise that POF was an actual 'dating' site, when I was a bit younger and single it was simply known as the site to use for random meet-ups not actual "I want a relationship" type stuff.

paulineb_2

Lots of people on pof state on their profiles they are looking for a relationship. Yes it has the rep of being a site where people meet up for sex and some people are clearly only looking for that, certainly don't think the entire site just want casual meets.

bendis

From my experience there are many people on both POF and OKC looking for 'serious' relationships, especially men late 30s or early 40s.

What I don't like on both sites is people who embelish their profile, they make it sound like they're perfect, have a fantastic life, just missing 'the one'. It drives me nuts!