Male Approaching 40 still trying to find "the one"

Herongull

The best thing you can do is join one or more groups which involves people doing something you are interested in which has people in your age range: hiking, tennis, board games, bird watching, whatever you like.

Get out there and have a great time being single and this increases the chance of you meeting Miss Right.

Meeting people through a common activity means you will already have things in common and you can get to know someone quite well before you ask her out. If anyone is acting fake or just trying to pull, everyone will know. If people genuinely enjoy the activity and the company, they will be themselves and show their true colours.

At the same time you will be expanding your interests and making new friends and (if you join the right group for you) having a wonderful time while you are looking for Miss Right.

Interesting, sociable people go out and do stuff they enjoy.

People on dating sites are: 1/ just tying to pull, 2/ don't have many interests, 3/ desperate, 4/shy. Of course there are exceptions, but why spend lots of time trying to attract the wrong people?

Go out and enjoy being single, become more confident, develop new interests and maybe you will meet Miss Right.

Gloomendoom

Person_one wrote: »

I think 'no drama queens' usually means 'no women who have too many opinions or too much self esteem'.

Too much of anything is rarely a good thing.

SailorSam

CC-Warrior wrote: »

May I also suggest, if this hasn't already been said already - join a dating site where people have more of an investment in it, i.e. a paid one. You can get a good cashback deal on match.com where the people might take it a bit more seriously as they've paid for it!

That's not a good idea.
Haven't you seen the numerous stories both in the press and on Tv. So many of the paid for sites have been exposed for having fake profiles, they even employ people to write them and send fake contact letters to customers who are about to leave.
At least by using the free PoF site the Op can only lose his pride, not the contents of his wallet.
Unfortunately he will have to put up with a few more deadbeats.

Delree

I'm mid thirties and single too. To be honest people want what they want and they aren't changing, me included. When you throw out messages on PoF and get no replies, that's just the way it goes, no point getting upset or frustrated or trying to analyze the hell out of it, that person you messaged didn't dig you. Shame but move on.

I'm fairly resigned to fact I might be single forever, or I could bump into my future wife tomorrow. Who knows just relax and enjoy the things you can influence, other people's wants, feelings and desires you cannot and you'll tie yourself up in knots by trying.

CC-Warrior

SailorSam wrote: »

That's not a good idea.
Haven't you seen the numerous stories both in the press and on Tv. So many of the paid for sites have been exposed for having fake profiles, they even employ people to write them and send fake contact letters to customers who are about to leave.
At least by using the free PoF site the Op can only lose his pride, not the contents of his wallet.
Unfortunately he will have to put up with a few more deadbeats.

Indeed that's the case, but I'd still bet money on POF having more scammers and fakes than anyone else. This is the gutter of online dating.

paulineb_2

CC-Warrior wrote: »

Indeed that's the case, but I'd still bet money on POF having more scammers and fakes than anyone else. This is the gutter of online dating.

I didnt really expect much from POF nor did I get it. I didnt take it too seriously either, I think if you take it with a pinch of salt you'll be ok.

There are decent people on there, Ive made a few friends on there, mainly female, who Ive met on a few occasions, one of my friends who lives in my home town has been seeing someone she met on POF for over 3 years now. Its just finding the decent people.

In my experience the same people who are on POF, a lot of them have tried match and other paying sites. I dont think paying the fees match charge would necessarily weed out the time wasters.

I know a lot of people who have come off match because they werent happy with the site either. I do understand why people choose to stay on free sites particularly in these economic times, but its finding people on a site who arent going to waste peoples time.

paulineb_2

Herongull wrote: »

The best thing you can do is join one or more groups which involves people doing something you are interested in which has people in your age range: hiking, tennis, board games, bird watching, whatever you like.

Get out there and have a great time being single and this increases the chance of you meeting Miss Right.

Meeting people through a common activity means you will already have things in common and you can get to know someone quite well before you ask her out. If anyone is acting fake or just trying to pull, everyone will know. If people genuinely enjoy the activity and the company, they will be themselves and show their true colours.

At the same time you will be expanding your interests and making new friends and (if you join the right group for you) having a wonderful time while you are looking for Miss Right.

Interesting, sociable people go out and do stuff they enjoy.

People on dating sites are: 1/ just tying to pull, 2/ don't have many interests, 3/ desperate, 4/shy. Of course there are exceptions, but why spend lots of time trying to attract the wrong people?

Go out and enjoy being single, become more confident, develop new interests and maybe you will meet Miss Right.

I actually joined POF about 5 years ago, been on and off it a few times, I wasnt ever really trying to pull, just looking to meet new people.

I do have interests but they are fairly lonesome activities, I go to the gym and I go to the football which can be a social activity for a lot of people, but given Im female and many of my friends dont support the team I do or go to football themselves, I go on my own, meet up with my brother there, just to have a chat and say hi, say hi to a few people I know who also go to watch the game and then come home.

Im not desperate either, far from it. I just got to the age of 40 (Im 45 next month) and found that a lot of my friends were in long term relationships and didnt really have time to do very much socialising with me. I also live in a fairly medium sized town where not a lot happens, the highlight of peoples social life seems to be the local wetherspoons, not much happens around here. I am pretty shy in real life but not to the point where I cant ever meet someone and have a conversation.

I also used to go to some of the POF group meets in Glasgow and Edinburgh, a few people did meet up through them but for me it was just a social night out, I also organised a few in my town. The scottish meets have now disappeared which is a shame and there was always a bit of politics, theres a glitch on POF if someone reports your profile enough times though a link in it, off you go and that happened to me when I was organising a meet, no idea why.

The forums can also be a bit overzealous and if you say boo to the mod the wrong way its bannsville, so the last couple of years Ive been on, Ive just had a profile on, but I never got one single message from anyone simply asking me for a drink, it was either people looking for a shag or people who were obviously just out of a long term relationship looking for someone else to meet asap.

I absolutely agree that dating sites can be very hit and miss, but I expect that its very different being single in a big city than it is in a Lanarkshire town where I live and possibly had I known about meet up sooner, Id have joined that years ago, I didnt.

People go on dating sites for a lot of reasons. As long as the meets did happen it did kick start my social life and I met a lot of nice people in groups who Im still in touch with today, that was about it for me.

I also have to say meet up can be a bit hit and miss and there are some group organisers who charge people 5 quid a month just to go to meets and the group has 500 members and meet up allow that, Im obviously in the wrong job. Its to cover fees but the fees are about 10 quid a month, I advertise my fitness classes on meet up, thats how I know.

NWOIHTS

Cloudydaze wrote: »

Gosh, I like having a nice day out, visiting or travelling in the countryside and visiting interesting places and believe it or not, I LOVE a nice meal in a restaurant! Are we Soulmates?!

We very well could be

NWOIHTS

CC-Warrior wrote: »

Indeed that's the case, but I'd still bet money on POF having more scammers and fakes than anyone else. This is the gutter of online dating.

I did meet someone I really clicked with on there a few years ago so don't discount it. Unfortunately I royally screwed it up with her !

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

stebiz wrote: »

What would you talk about on a first date for a few hours? Music?

Seems to have worked pretty well for me.


Well, that and old films.




One of my mates, when I told him DD's opening line is 'Marvel or DC?' says that if a woman his age asked him that question, he'd be planning the proposal - and if she followed it up with 'Les Paul or Fender?' and 'the Wildhearts or Floyd?', he'd be booking the register office.


It's finding somebody who 'gets you'. You're less likely to find that in a generic environment. Go where your interests lie and you'll be more likely to meet more friends and somebody special.