Male Approaching 40 still trying to find "the one"

[Deleted User]

Women/men are not a single group. We are people first and our gender second!

What attracted me to my now husband is that we were friends for a year or more first, so I knew he could be trusted and knew his character. He is a kind, smiley, cheerful, interested in many things and find me beautiful. We have similar values. He is fairly well-groomed and keeps himself & clothes clean and tidy (but not like a mirror-addict boy-man). Similar interests and values have been the reason my marriage has succeeded (unlike husband #1....)

I do not want to entertained by him, but supported, surprised occasionally, cherished and complimented. We are very intimate in emotional terms, despite some problems caused by illness & disability.

We found each other romantically attracted some time after being friends - it grew. As I began to realise what a lovely man he was that's when I started to find him physically attractive, and vice-versa. We're a slightly odd pairing, in our respective heights/appearance/cultures but it's immaterial.

OP- are you going for a particular 'type' of person when dating? Maybe make new friends first and then see what happens

JustKeepSwimming_2

OP - what age range are you considering? If you are looking for someone a similar age to you then there is a quite high chance they will already have children - would you be happy to date a single mother with the possibility of "gaining" a family later on if it all works out?

There are two reasons for asking - I've been on & off dating sites (paid & POF) & many of the 40'ish men on there are only looking for women 20 years younger than them... not sure how successful they'll be

The other reason - I'm a single mum & have finally realised that I cannot fit dating into my already stupidly busy life. I work 30 hours/week, have 2 children & no family support (their Dad does what fits in with his forces job but that can change at short notice). I'd have to jump through so many hoops to get out of the door even if I found someone to date me that it just isn't going to work for now. So I'm resigned to not looking/dating for at least 3 years until I don't need a babysitter etc. & hope that I can pick up my social life then. I know a few other mums like me that have made a similar choice, so taking a group of us out of the dating pool.

paulineb wrote: »

I do have interests but they are fairly lonesome activities - snap & I enjoy the little time I can devote to these hobbies, so there is no time to take up something more sociable.

I'm not desperate either, far from it. I just got to the age of 40 (Im 45 next month) and found that a lot of my friends were in long term relationships and didnt really have time to do very much socialising with me. I also live in a fairly medium sized town where not a lot happens, the highlight of peoples social life seems to be the local wetherspoons, not much happens around here. I am pretty shy in real life but not to the point where I cant ever meet someone and have a conversation.

Also 45 next month (how do that happen? :rotfl:) & slowly resigned to realising I'll probably be single forever. But that's fine with me. If ever I feel a little down as I'm the only single in a coffee shop I just tune into the conversations going on around me & hear the couples bickering!

joolzred wrote: »

What attracted me to my now husband is that we were friends for a year or more first, so I knew he could be trusted and knew his character. He is a kind, smiley, cheerful, interested in many things and find me beautiful. We have similar values. He is fairly well-groomed and keeps himself & clothes clean and tidy (but not like a mirror-addict boy-man). Similar interests and values have been the reason my marriage has succeeded (unlike husband #1....)

I do not want to entertained by him, but supported, surprised occasionally, cherished and complimented. We are very intimate in emotional terms, despite some problems caused by illness & disability.

We found each other romantically attracted some time after being friends - it grew. As I began to realise what a lovely man he was that's when I started to find him physically attractive, and vice-versa. We're a slightly odd pairing, in our respective heights/appearance/cultures but it's immaterial.

OP- are you going for a particular 'type' of person when dating? Maybe make new friends first and then see what happens

That sounds like excellent advice. Friends first has always worked out better for me too (until he found a younger, fitter model).

whitewing wrote: »

Now that I have been married a few years, I am amazed at how many lovely, single men there are around.

So where are you hiding them all then :rotfl:

Gloomendoom

joolzred wrote: »

What attracted me to my now husband is that we were friends for a year or more first, so I knew he could be trusted and knew his character.

What first attracted me to my now wife was her looks. The rest developed from there.





Edit: Grammar question. Should that have been "were her looks"?

ostrichnomore_2

I do think there is a difference between single men and single women in their 40s - and yes, I know this is generalising and lots of people won't be like this, but it is something I've noticed coming up more than a few times. And it might make dating seem harder for men...

I think single women in their 40s tend to be a bit more accepting of it then men are. One the whole, they tend to have their lives quite sorted, and if they are interested in dating, it's as an extra to their current lives. They are happy if they meet a man and just as happy to be single. I think men in their 40s tend to be a bit unhappier about being single - they feel more of a gap that they want to fill. They socialise more with friends in a different way. Men will generally do sports together, or go to the pub, or maybe a band. But women will do a wider range of activities with their female friends, including go to the cinema, have a meal out, days out, things that men only do as part of dating (on the whole) and don't do with their mates. This means that there's more men competing for fewer really interested women. - she doesn't need a man to have a varied social life, in the way that a lot of men do need a woman to have a varied social life.There is less point for a woman to bother with a man who doesn't seriously tick all her boxes.

Bazey

Still single?

Become a ventriliquist.

http://metro.co.uk/2014/01/13/video-ventriloquist-uses-puppet-to-chat-up-women-on-train-4260786/?ITO=facebook

SailorSam

Gottle of gear, ..... Gottle of gear.
Ok thanks Bazey, i can do that now, i'm off to Asda to get myseldf a puppet.

CC-Warrior

whitewing wrote: »

Now that I have been married a few years, I am amazed at how many lovely, single men there are around.

It's a lot easier to find someone when you're already in a relationship! People seem to come out of nowhere.

MissShoes

I'm female, late 20s and don't think it's all about the banter. Currently dating and tend to avoid the louder/geezer types as it's not my preferred personality type. Maybe these women you're talking to OP mean chemistry/connection when they say banter, and it's less of an entertainment expectation and more of a mutual attraction and click?

Onwards and upwards!

Shoes :beer:

NWOIHTS

joolzred wrote: »

OP- are you going for a particular 'type' of person when dating? Maybe make new friends first and then see what happens

Yes well first of if I was doing the online thing then if I started talking to someone i'd guage their interest level first, if it was low, you know emailing (but no real interest) for the sake of it, I would really not try and pursue it or take it seriously.

But before that I'd make sure they were not a raving lunatic, someone "easy going" with a good career, preferably not married before or has kids - grump if you want that's my standard - and if I feel they are a good match to me after reading their profile.

NWOIHTS

CC-Warrior wrote: »

It's a lot easier to find someone when you're already in a relationship! People seem to come out of nowhere.

Exactly now I am single where did they go?