I phoned up my boyfriend's ex-gf. She's a therapist and she told me a few things.

Toucan_Pecan

LilElvis wrote: »

Medicaid is FREE! It's pretty rubbish, but you are entitled to it if you are unemployed.

And there is a reason why his ex is his only friend - he is totally unlikeable! Perhaps she just keeps him around because he is a good case study in narcissistic personality disorder.

When I phoned her the other day she said: "I learned that you can love a person but that you don't have to be with the person you love". I asked her why she loved him. She said she didn't want to get into that as it would bring up hurtful emotions.

LilElvis

Toucan_Pecan wrote: »

When I phoned her the other day she said: "I learned that you can love a person but that you don't have to be with the person you love". I asked her why she loved him. She said she didn't want to get into that as it would bring up hurtful emotions.

..... or that she doesn't want to admit that she has been a complete mug in putting up with him for donkey's years

Toucan_Pecan

LilElvis wrote: »

..... or that she doesn't want to admit that she has been a complete mug in putting up with him for donkey's years

haha.... He actually told her from the start:

1. I don't love you, I view you as a resting place from the destruction I caused his heart (bah blah)
2. He didn't want to ever marry her or have kids (she really wanted both)


They met when he was 24 and she was 33..... My God was it worth possibly giving up the chance of having kids for him??? I mean she's 40 now, but it seems incredibly selfish of him. If I cared for a woman in her 30s and I knew I didn't want to have kids with her... when she did want children - I would not stay with her...especially not rent free. It doesn't seem kind.

LilElvis

We all have to take responsibility for our OWN LIVES - including you, him and his ex. If he made his position clear then it was her decision to waste her 'fertile years' on him. If she wants children then she can still have them - it cost well over £20k in IVF treatment but I was 43 when I had my little girl.

This isn't really about him, or his ex, but how you want, and deserve, to be treated. It's your life and only you can decide what you want from it.

To use some great American pyscho-babble you need to "take ownership"

[Deleted User]

Hi,

Toucan_Pecan wrote: »

2. He didn't want to ever marry her or have kids (she really wanted both)

so, what do you foresee from your relationship, love? children? a happy carefree lifestyle?

Toucan_Pecan

LilElvis wrote: »

We all have to take responsibility for our OWN LIVES - including you, him and his ex. If he made his position clear then it was her decision to waste her 'fertile years' on him. If she wants children then she can still have them - it cost well over £20k in IVF treatment but I was 43 when I had my little girl.

This isn't really about him, or his ex, but how you want, and deserve, to be treated. It's your life and only you can decide what you want from it.

To use some great American pyscho-babble you need to "take ownership"

I understand that, but I still think it's unkind. He told me he provided her with company and she provided him with free accommodation (and sex..... he doesn't take women out on dates).

Toucan_Pecan

[Deleted User] wrote:

Hi,



so, what do you foresee from your relationship, love? children? a happy carefree lifestyle?

A break-up! Can't be around a man claiming I'm "faking being normal" because I'm "unbalanced and have borderline personality disorder".

LilElvis

Toucan_Pecan wrote: »

I understand that, but I still think it's unkind. He told me he provided her with company and she provided him with free accommodation (and sex..... he doesn't take women out on dates).

Though he sounds like a total waste of space he was honest with her from the outset - it was her choice to stay with him and she knew that this meant no marriage and no children. Given her profession she should have been aware that there is little point in hanging around hoping that she will be the one to change him. Just as you won't.

unholyangel

I'm with others, verging on disbelieving. However I do know that some people do let themselves be taken for a mug above and beyond what most people would stand for.

If OP is genuine then can I suggest that YOU are not responsible for how his life turned out. Many people are dumped for all sorts of reasons. The majority of them get on with their life and don't blame someone else for their choices.

Don't feel guilty or bad....that's exactly what he's aiming for when he blames you for it in the first place.

Personally I'd tell him I only date men and that doesn't include a 31 year old man child!

sedment

To quote Bridget Jones, he sounds like a emotional f*ckwit!! Get rid and get on with your own life!! As its too short to spend wasting time on idiots