I phoned up my boyfriend's ex-gf. She's a therapist and she told me a few things.

Toucan_Pecan

He's in the hospital recovering from an post-operative infection in a UK hospital (Will he have to pay????). I haven't visited him since Sunday. I'm not sure whether I should visit him, what do you think? He leaves the country on the 12th Jan (to go back to the USA).

**tl;dr**:
-- I [30/f]contacted my boyfriend's [31/m] ex [40/f] after he told me not to contact her.
-- She confirmed some negative aspects about him, but made excuses for enabling him (e.g., letting him live with her for 5 years without working and contributing to rent).
-- He has now told me that when he leaves hospital he will probably stay with her for a couple of months.

***Some background***:
-- He got with me and didn't tell me for a month he was still sleeping with her.
-- He has now told me that when he leaves hospital he will probably stay with her for a couple of months to recover.
-- I phoned her up to pass on this information myself. She replied to me: "A few months? maybe he was shooting off ideas. I haven't heard about that, we'll need to talk about that" NOTE: She didn't straight out say no... so she'll probably continue to enable him.


She told me that:

1) he's young and a man and will take a while to grow up (he's 31; she's 40)
2) He lives like he's in his 20s (he hasn't worked for 6 years and lived rent free with girlfriends over that time)
3) He uses sex to self-medicate himself
4) He is scared of living life
5) He never apologises
6) He is so frugal that if people didn't help him out he's probably waste away and die and that him being so cheap is a form of self-hatred.
7) Oh and she also told me no-one can help him, he will have to find life's answers himself.


What do you think he will say to me if he finds out I rang her?

tea_lover

Surely it's not school holidays again?

quidsy

huh?

this guy sounds like a tote catch, you should def fight for his love.

19lottie82

I'm not sure what you want people to say?

However he does sound like a total catch! :rotfl:

daisiegg

Buy a wedding dress and start ironing your bottom drawer.

Toucan_Pecan

tea_lover wrote: »

Surely it's not school holidays again?

I take it from that response that you can't believe the situation is happening. Actually it is and I don't know whether to be a "good" person and visit him in hospital after all this has happened or what. I actually spent 2 weeks looking after him in hospital like an unpaid nurse (bathing him, helping him walk, encouraging him to poo after abdominal surgery)... then I found out that after I would leave the hospital at 12 am daily and ring his mother in the States, his mother would be on the phone to his ex updating her about everything. Then he tells me he wants to go over and stay with his ex for a few months.

quidsy

why dont you do what a normal well rounded grown up would do, walk away.

You have been played for a mug, move on & learn to never let it happen again.

or continue feeding on the drama & pandering to a !!!!less waste of space.

How's that for advice

Well it would be if this weren't a troll but I am bored so...

paulineb_2

Toucan_Pecan wrote: »

I take it from that response that you can't believe the situation is happening. Actually it is and I don't know whether to be a "good" person and visit him in hospital after all this has happened or what. I actually spent 2 weeks looking after him in hospital like an unpaid nurse (bathing him, helping him walk, encouraging him to poo after abdominal surgery)... then I found out that after I would leave the hospital at 12 am daily and ring his mother in the States, his mother would be on the phone to his ex updating her about everything. Then he tells me he wants to go over and stay with his ex for a few months.

What is your point re all of this assuming its not a troll post?

Do you want to put a big sign on your back and say kick me?

Seriously, if this is real and not a wind up, run like hell, I think you know enough now to make that decision.

tea_lover

On the tiny, tiny off-chance that this isn't a wind-up you need to realise that she's not his ex, you're his bit on the side. Have some self-respect and leave him to it.

Toucan_Pecan

quidsy wrote: »

why dont you do what a normal well rounded grown up would do, walk away.

You have been played for a mug, move on & learn to never let it happen again.

or continue feeding on the drama & pandering to a !!!!less waste of space.

How's that for advice

We dated when I was 23 then I moved back to the UK to do a degree... he never forgave me for pursuing my education over choosing to marry him and claimed I owed him a month after I visited the States.

aileth

Who cares what he will say to you, let him doddle off with the therapist and get shut.