Teens and sex in the house

Person_one

One night stands and partners are completely different scenarios. I think it's controlling and strange to tell an adult that they can't share a bed with their partner, especially in their own home!

System

Lieja wrote: »

I'm 26 and have lived with OH for three years, and we still have to sleep in separate bedrooms if we spend the night at my parents'!

My parents clearly take these sorts of rules to the extreme and although I questioned it when I lived with them, I always got the response of "it doesn't matter what you think, it's our house and our rules and they won't be changing".

I respected the rule as a teen and I still do, although it does cause a bit of upset now and then when my mum wants us to stay over (as we live a fair distance away) and we politely refuse the invite. I could see the point in my teens, but it's all a bit ridiculous now!

Sounds like you've had a good chat with her and sorted things out OP - I'm sure she respects you and your rules a bit more now she can really see where you're coming from.

My parents are just like yours

They wouldn't even let my ex stay in the same room let alone bed despite the fact we were together 3 years and lived together

That said I always just accepted it as it was their house their rules

Though it did lead to having to think of imaginative ways to have sex

And my parents weren't religious either

I'm 27 now and I still don't think they'd let my bf and I share a bed, it's bloody infuriating being treated like a child in that respect

Edit: that said I would never have taken a one night stand and back home, my parents have no idea I've ever had one night stands and I don't think I could deal with their disapproval and shame that would be heaped on me for doing it

securityguy

My reasons aren't to 'stop' her, just I don't think its right under my roof.

Your step daughter should abide by the house-rules, they're not 'your' rules but also your husbands and she choses to live there. If she wants to do as she pleases she is more than welcome to move out.

So you're saying that if your daughter was thirty and had two children by her long-term partner, you wouldn't let them share a room when they visited? It's to be hoped that in that case you're happy never seeing your grand-children.

pops5588

This brings back fond memories!! Even though I had been with my OH since I was 19, the rule at my mum's house was no boys stay over until you are 21. I may have got a bit fed up at times (just in a stroppy teenager kind of way) but I still respected that it was her house her rules and he didn't stay over until I turned 21.

Looking back I don't know why she was quite so strict on that rule as she didn't hesitate for a second in letting OH move in when he couldn't live at home anymore. Quite a transformation!

Prothet_of_Doom

Have you asked her about the activities of other 19 year old girls, and the rules thier parents have?

itsanne

Prothet_of_Doom wrote: »

Have you asked her about the activities of other 19 year old girls, and the rules thier parents have?

Don't you remember the "everyone is allowed to except me" your children are bound to have come up with ?

Mojisola

Prothet_of_Doom wrote: »

Have you asked her about the activities of other 19 year old girls, and the rules thier parents have?

It really doesn't mater what other girls are allowed to do.

j.e.j.

glitter_fairy wrote: »

I was expecting this issue yet as until a year ago i only had pre teen children. We found out my husband had an older child, she is now 19 and is living with us. She has been for over 6 months. She now haas a job, is talking to her mum again, who is also been off drugs for 6 months.

Until a few months ago she had a long term boyfriend and stayed at his a fair amount and sometimes he stayed over. Recently she has had a few flings and has brought one or two back to ours after nights out. This I am not OK with. there are two other children living here and I feel its a bad influance.

I also do not want random people coming into our home that we do not know while the rest of us are in bed.

I know she is taking precortions and I have spoken to her about safe sex and she is very well informed.

The problem is she cant see why we mind. She grew up with her mum doing this and having random men in and out.

We are finding this hard, on one hand she is an adult and we cant control eveything she does, but this isnt just her home.

She thinks we are being unreasonable and old fashioned.

I will admit I am out of my depth I wasnt expecting to deal with this for a good few years yet.

Sorry, not read the whole thread, but I agree with you, you don't being casual flings back to your parents house! A long-term boyfriend, maybe, (if your parents agreed, of course!) but not a one-night stand. If she's doing that she needs her own place, or she can go book a hotel!!!

claire16c

74jax wrote: »

I have read a lot of your posts and think you are handling the situation amazingly calmly.

I don't know what I would do in your position but my daughter is being brought up that its my house and my rules.

She will not have her BF stay/sleep in her room. My friends think I'm bonkers and old fashioned and it won't stop her doing 'it'. I know this. We've spoken about safe sex etc and although she is sexually active yet we have a fab relationship and hope she would confide in me when she felt the time was right.

My reasons aren't to 'stop' her, just I don't think its right under my roof.

Your step daughter should abide by the house-rules, they're not 'your' rules but also your husbands and she choses to live there. If she wants to do as she pleases she is more than welcome to move out.

You have to make a stand as what you lay down for her will pass on to other children too.

What if she gets to say mid 20s and has been with someone for years and isn't married? Or are you just talking about when she's say 16/17?

What I don't get about these rules is that they don't stop teens having sex under the parents roof anyway - unless they never leave the place! And, the teens might not be having sex at night.

So it just seems like a silly rule to me because who is to say it's actually working?

Mojisola

I can understand that some people would be embarrassed at hearing their "children" having sex with a partner and may hate the idea of washing the sheets afterwards - in that case ask the couple to abstain on overnight visits.

Making longterm couples, especially those who already have children, sleep in separate rooms is bizarre.