Teens and sex in the house

fluffnutter

Person_one wrote: »

Why does casual sex always have to have a link with self esteem?

Well, it's a complicated issue. Probably because casual sex is sometimes used, not simply to enjoy sex, but to achieve something else. Love and acceptance or to achieve power - women 'bestowing their gift' on men, using their 'sexual currency'. If you want to enjoy sex with no agenda then that's great but too often that's not what is actually going on. If you're having sex because you want to be loved, or you want to control your conquest, or men in general then this won't do much for your self-worth. To deny that this happens, to simply say that it's anti-feminist to discuss other motivations for casual sex doesn't really help anyone.

Not that that justifies why it always has to be linked to self-esteem but I'm guessing that's where people are coming from.

daisiegg

Guest101 wrote: »

Just yo point out the alternative, she goes back to their house where her safety is compromised to a whole new level

She is an adult, and that would be her decision.

fluffnutter

Guest101 wrote: »

Just yo point out the alternative, she goes back to their house where her safety is compromised to a whole new level

Yes, that's possibly true but that's no reason to allow her to bring home her Friday night shagpiece. Two separate issues really. Her behaviour may, or may not, be something that might damage her, both physically and psychologically - borne out of a legacy of seeing her mother and aunt have many, many casual affairs. That's separate to whether or not the OP has to put up with random strangers banging her step-daughter every weekend in the room next door.

duchy

She's nineteen -her sex life is her business-and I don't believe the OP should comment on the morality as it clouds the issue - which is simply "These are the house rules - they apply to everyone" You don't have to agree with them you just have to follow them". (and mean it)

bagginslover

I think you and your OH need to reiterate the rules NOW, tell her its not on in your house, (what she does out of it is up to her, as an adult she is responsible for her own safety) and warn her that if she does bring anyone back, you'll march in during 'proceedings' and hoik him out. If it doen't put her off, then follow though (I recommend you stock up on the brain bleach in advance )

System

Why does casual sex always have to have a link with self esteem?

It often stems from a desire to be loved/wanted (very often they are... fr all the wrong reasons).

rpc

Judi wrote: »

It often stems from a desire to be loved/wanted (very often they are... fr all the wrong reasons).

It can also stem from a desire to have sex.

glitter_fairy

Thank you for all your replies. I had a long talk with her this afternoon and I think I have gotten through to her. We had quite a heart to heart and it turn out her mum has been telling her that we will get fed up of her soon, and that she isnt good enough for our family and we will realize soon.

I could swing for that woman sometimes!!!!!

We have spent the evening with all 3 children planning a holiday in the summer, I think it helped reinforce that she will still be in our lives then.

System

rpc wrote: »

It can also stem from a desire to have sex.

hahaha, yes that an' all.:D

OP glad you managed to get through to her in the end.

Lieja

I'm 26 and have lived with OH for three years, and we still have to sleep in separate bedrooms if we spend the night at my parents'!

My parents clearly take these sorts of rules to the extreme and although I questioned it when I lived with them, I always got the response of "it doesn't matter what you think, it's our house and our rules and they won't be changing".

I respected the rule as a teen and I still do, although it does cause a bit of upset now and then when my mum wants us to stay over (as we live a fair distance away) and we politely refuse the invite. I could see the point in my teens, but it's all a bit ridiculous now!

Sounds like you've had a good chat with her and sorted things out OP - I'm sure she respects you and your rules a bit more now she can really see where you're coming from.