Teens and sex in the house

McKneff

Her mother taught her that is was okay and acceptable.


She is doing the same to your children.

Person_one

One night stands aren't evil, or terrible, as long as people are sensible and safe. You don't want the line you take here to be 'sex is bad', but instead that it's about having consideration for others in the house, and their comfort and safety. If she wants to bring random men home, she'll have to get her own place!

GobbledyGook

I think you need to approach it from the angle of it being your home and you don't want strangers in it.

She's an adult so it's not really anyone else's business if she wants to have sex with one man for the rest of her life or a different bloke every night. It's her business and she'll have to deal with any consequences that come from that.

However in your home you and your husband are entitled to set the house rules for anyone living in it - be they adult or child. You and your husband do not find it acceptable therefore neither she nor your children are to do it. End of. If she doesn't like it then tough.

I think you need to make it about the house rather than telling her that her/her Mum's idea of normal is wrong. That's just going to get her back up, even if you are correct in thinking it's not normal. If her Dad wasn't around then she might resent him trying to establish boundaries in her behaviour now that she's an adult. So tell her what she does is entirely her business, but doing it in your house is your business and isn't acceptable to you.

meritaten

I think I am a modern type of parent - I never objected to my daughter's/Sons' girlfriends sleeping over - but only once did my son ever bring a 'strange' girl home - and discovering me wandering round in the nuddy totally unaware of his 'guest' for the night cured him of that! The lecture he had after about his total lack of respect might have had something to do with it to - but he never did it again!
yes, I think you have to try to get through to this young lady on a different level. Stress that although you don't mind overnight guests they should be arranged in advance (to avoid embarrassment) and you prefer to meet them first. it also gives you a chance to lock up your valuables! The moral side of it is going over her head - appeal to the practical side!

prowla

Though she's an adult and is perfectly entitled to satisfy her needs, it's perfectly reasonable to not want random blokes coming back for nookie under you roof.

It's not about whether you approve of her actions or not, it's about you owning your house and feeling secure in it.

And it's bad mannered of her to do it against your wishes.

However, OTOH, would you putting your foot down lead to her going back to blokes places (or other locations) instead?

It's sort of a Catch-22.

Dunroamin

prowla wrote: »

Though she's an adult and is perfectly entitled to satisfy her needs, it's perfectly reasonable to not want random blokes coming back for nookie under you roof.

It's not about whether you approve of her actions or not, it's about you owning your house and feeling secure in it.

And it's bad mannered of her to do it against your wishes.

However, OTOH, would you putting your foot down lead to her going back to blokes places (or other locations) instead?

It's sort of a Catch-22.

Surely that's a perfectly reasonable solution?

AcidHouse

OP - If she's daft enough to put herself in a risky situation at that age, there's nothing you can do to stop her. Let her go to the bloke's houses instead, or she get busy with them in a street, or in his car etc. Better than having her bringing anyone who could be a total nut job back into your home - putting several people and children in danger, instead of just herself.

paulineb_2

Id say theres possible safety issues about her going back to some random blokes house, one that shes just met. Im assuming she meets them in pubs/clubs when shes out. People do have one night stands of course and young people will go out and drink and perhaps make judgements that in the cold light of day arent so good, Im sure older people will as well.

I think theres a bigger conversation to be had re alcohol/self esteem and why shes having one night stands in between relationships. They arent flings if shes just meeting different people in a club, sounds more like one night stands.

Shes potentially putting her sexual health at risk and depending on what contraception shes using, a risk of pregnancy as well.

Person_one

Why does casual sex always have to have a link with self esteem?

marisco_2

glitter_fairy wrote: »

We have tried. But she is acting very angrily right now. Lots of 'you arnt my mum' to me and 'where were you when I was growing up' to her dad. She seems to blow up at the slightest thing.

TBH I dont really know how to handle it

Apply some reverse psychology here. This is a young woman extremely unsure of herself most likely currently questioning her whole background. The fact that she regularly picks men up at clubs, and wants to bring them home when she barely knows them, suggests to me that she has very low self esteem and not a lot of self respect. She is projecting herself as being a bit off the rails, not making wise decisions and pushing every button she can.

She has come into your home, seen how you all live as a family unit, and feels safe and secure enough with you and her dad to do that. Deep down I think she may crave strong, stable people around her, who care enough to show her that they will set clear boundaries over acceptable behaviour in their home. Something it is quite clear she has not experienced up till now.

Stand your ground and spell it out to her that either she lives by the rules of your home or leaves. Something tells me she will choose to stay. Whether or not she continues to have lots of one night stands away from the home is her business.