Teens and sex in the house

itsanne

Lieja wrote: »

I'm 26 and have lived with OH for three years, and we still have to sleep in separate bedrooms if we spend the night at my parents'!

Have you asked why? Maybe it's for religious reasons. Do they realise it's stopping them seeing you? It does seem rather extreme, especially these days.

Lieja

itsanne wrote: »

Have you asked why? Maybe it's for religious reasons. Do they realise it's stopping them seeing you? It does seem rather extreme, especially these days.

They're not remotely religious so it's definitely not that!

I've actually given up asking - I think they're just really old fashioned. They don't really give a reason, just a general sort of "we don't want you sharing a bed in our house and that's that!"

I don't actually know if they realise that that's why we don't stay over; they've never been particularly affectionate (or at least not in front of us kids) so I sometimes wonder if they understand that couples even want to share a bed! They're pretty prudish at the best of times and still turn off sex scenes if we're all watching the tv! Maybe they don't realise we're actually adults now? Who knows.

My bro lives 5 hours away and brought his new girlfriend to stay for 4 days over new year - I felt very sorry for the poor girl and I doubt they'll be repeating the visit for a while! It's almost like there's something wrong with sharing a bed with your OH!

Wilma33

Lieja wrote: »

I'm 26 and have lived with OH for three years, and we still have to sleep in separate bedrooms if we spend the night at my parents'!

My parents clearly take these sorts of rules to the extreme and although I questioned it when I lived with them, I always got the response of "it doesn't matter what you think, it's our house and our rules and they won't be changing".

I respected the rule as a teen and I still do, although it does cause a bit of upset now and then when my mum wants us to stay over (as we live a fair distance away) and we politely refuse the invite. I could see the point in my teens, but it's all a bit ridiculous now!

Sounds like you've had a good chat with her and sorted things out OP - I'm sure she respects you and your rules a bit more now she can really see where you're coming from.

Do your parents ever stay at yours? If so, you should invent some stupid rules under the "our house, our rules" mantra. And definitely make them sleep in separate beds.

Lieja

Wilma33 wrote: »

Do your parents ever stay at yours? If so, you should invent some stupid rules under the "our house, our rules" mantra. And definitely make them sleep in separate beds.

Haha I will definitely be doing that once we have a house that's tidy enough to invite two total neat freaks, with a spare bedroom big enough for two adults!

I might have a 'no tidying up' rule, as well as a 'the huge muddy dog is a part of the family and therefore free to sleep on whichever bed he chooses' rule. They'd probably never speak to me again!

I never realised quite how odd they were until I moved out - they're totally obsessed with their way of doing things as being the 'right way' so that I've given up trying to discuss these things with them, and have perfected my 'smile and nod' so my poor mother doesn't realise that I actually think she's bonkers half the time.

Richard53

This thread is making me smile. It was hard enough for me to share a room with my actual wife if we visited my parents, for the first few visits after we were married! I certainly wouldn't have been allowed to bring a random girlfriend back and share a room, nor would I have expected it.

OP, as others have said, it's quite simple. She's an adult and can make her own decisions, but while she is under your roof, it's "your gaff, your rules". She deserves explanation, but not negotiation. You are doing her a favour by setting clear boundaries. The safety of your home and family (and this now includes her) comes first.

It sounds to me from your last post that you are making progress. Good for you. You are doing a very valuable thing.

daisiegg

Lieja wrote: »

It's almost like there's something wrong with sharing a bed with your OH!

Some people believe exactly that.

74jax

I have read a lot of your posts and think you are handling the situation amazingly calmly.

I don't know what I would do in your position but my daughter is being brought up that its my house and my rules.

She will not have her BF stay/sleep in her room. My friends think I'm bonkers and old fashioned and it won't stop her doing 'it'. I know this. We've spoken about safe sex etc and although she is sexually active yet we have a fab relationship and hope she would confide in me when she felt the time was right.

My reasons aren't to 'stop' her, just I don't think its right under my roof.

Your step daughter should abide by the house-rules, they're not 'your' rules but also your husbands and she choses to live there. If she wants to do as she pleases she is more than welcome to move out.

You have to make a stand as what you lay down for her will pass on to other children too.

74jax

itsanne wrote: »

Have you asked why? Maybe it's for religious reasons. Do they realise it's stopping them seeing you? It does seem rather extreme, especially these days.

When I was married if I wanted to stay at my parents we had seperate rooms....... I didn't mind sometimes - its not as though I'd have bonked my way through the night with my folks next door, but their rules for me.

Other couples who stayed could share a room............ Weird.

Orlando_Virgin

I moved out when I was 19, but my Mum and Dad were exactly the same. Under no circumstances were any member of the opposite sex, girlfriend or otherwise allowed to stay over in their house. Which, considering my age, and the respect aspect, was completely fair.

I remember when I made the grave mistake one night and brought a one night stand back (god knows what I was thinking) and my Dad dragged me out of my room naked, told her to get dressed and phone her a taxi. What a nightmare. He was fuming. Never made that mistake again. We laugh about it now (well, everyone except Dad does):mad:

Nowadays they'd always let my other half stay over, as long as they know it's something serious.

For what it's worth this has been written over and over by other posters, but it is YOUR house at the end of the day, you have tried to be amicable, so there is no alternative other than MY house, MY rules. Simple as that.

Indie_Kid

As a young adult, I would never dream of bringing someone back. Aside from the fact that I'm in the box room, I wouldn't feel comfortable at all with my parents knowing what I was up too.