Teens and sex in the house

jellyhead

When I was 19/20-ish (I didn't go to uni until I was 21) I had to have it spelled out to me by my mum and stepdad that it wasn't on to bring 'random' men back for the night, and was a bad example for my younger siblings to be seeing.

I had mostly male friends (in a university town that had mostly male students), and it was mostly mates I'd known for ages and never had sex with - but it didn't look that way to my siblings.

It was a bit of a relief to move out and live the 'student' lifestyle of having cups of tea until 4am with friends, not having to worry about disturbing other people (and also having casual sex if I chose to) ... but that's the freedom that comes from living alone - it's not on to do it if it affects the rest of the household. I was too naive to realise that for myself though, and had to have it spelled out to me.

It meant that I often just didn't come home though, because my parents rule was that if I wasn't coming home before midnight, don't come home at all.

securityguy

Mojisola wrote: »

Making longterm couples, especially those who already have children, sleep in separate rooms is bizarre.

But it's partly the longterm couple's fault for putting up with it. It may be "their house, their rules" but it's also "your time, your choice". If you're treated inhospitably, don't go there.

meritaten

jellyhead wrote: »

When I was 19/20-ish (I didn't go to uni until I was 21) I had to have it spelled out to me by my mum and stepdad that it wasn't on to bring 'random' men back for the night, and was a bad example for my younger siblings to be seeing.

I had mostly male friends (in a university town that had mostly male students), and it was mostly mates I'd known for ages and never had sex with - but it didn't look that way to my siblings.

It was a bit of a relief to move out and live the 'student' lifestyle of having cups of tea until 4am with friends, not having to worry about disturbing other people (and also having casual sex if I chose to) ... but that's the freedom that comes from living alone - it's not on to do it if it affects the rest of the household. I was too naive to realise that for myself though, and had to have it spelled out to me.

It meant that I often just didn't come home though, because my parents rule was that if I wasn't coming home before midnight, don't come home at all.

now I never did understand the 'if you aren't in by 10.30 we are locking the door, because we worry about you' rule? wouldn't they worry if you were out ALL NIGHT and not just LATE?
Doesn't make the least bit of sense to me! mine were given a key and told to phone for a lift home if necessary, or the taxi money was in the jug in the cabinet. Surely as parents you ensure your childs safety above other considerations?

littlepinkstars44

Wow....haven't read everything posted but I'm 26 and live at home..yes I have moved out and back in twice! But financially it suits me being here right now, and I have never been allowed a boyfriend to stay over. My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years, he has his own flat, I stay over at his about 2/3 nights a week but he has never once been allowed to stay here..and to be honest I wouldn't dream of even asking or sneaking him in either. It's just disrespectful to me.

jellyhead

meritaten wrote: »

now I never did understand the 'if you aren't in by 10.30 we are locking the door, because we worry about you' rule? wouldn't they worry if you were out ALL NIGHT and not just LATE?
Doesn't make the least bit of sense to me! mine were given a key and told to phone for a lift home if necessary, or the taxi money was in the jug in the cabinet. Surely as parents you ensure your childs safety above other considerations?

Yes, I'd do it differently. I suppose they knew that I had lots of friends though, many of them students rather than living with parents, and would always have a place to crash. They weren't really strict, and of course I sometimes came home late and sneaked in quietly - I did have a key - but it made me think more carefully about what to do at pub closing time, and stopped me from constantly going back to somebody's house to play cards, have a cup of tea, etc. or bringing them back to mine and waking everyone up with the noise of a boiling kettle, people using the loo etc. a couple of hours before my stepdad had to get up for work.

I was the eldest, and they learned as they went along

Person_one

littlepinkstars44 wrote: »

Wow....haven't read everything posted but I'm 26 and live at home..yes I have moved out and back in twice! But financially it suits me being here right now, and I have never been allowed a boyfriend to stay over. My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years, he has his own flat, I stay over at his about 2/3 nights a week but he has never once been allowed to stay here..and to be honest I wouldn't dream of even asking or sneaking him in either. It's just disrespectful to me.

You're 26 years old! How is it disrespectful? Surely they don't think you're still a virgin?

meritaten

lol - I was the eldest too! and a right rebel! total nightmare in fact! but they had these 'senseless' rules? still my younger brother and sister both benefited from mum and dad thinking they were angels compared to me! and relaxed the rules considerably!

claire16c

littlepinkstars44 wrote: »

Wow....haven't read everything posted but I'm 26 and live at home..yes I have moved out and back in twice! But financially it suits me being here right now, and I have never been allowed a boyfriend to stay over. My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years, he has his own flat, I stay over at his about 2/3 nights a week but he has never once been allowed to stay here..and to be honest I wouldn't dream of even asking or sneaking him in either. It's just disrespectful to me.

I think my parents would find it weird that I didn't feel comfortable enough to bring a partner of 3 years back!

jellyhead

Person_one wrote: »

You're 26 years old! How is it disrespectful? Surely they don't think you're still a virgin?

I was allowed to have long term boyfriends sleeping over, if my parents knew them well.

I'd allow the same for my children too ... having said that, my 17 year old's girlfriend hasn't stayed here yet - but 17 still seems a bit young to me ... I wonder if I'll still be saying that when he is 26 :eek::rotfl:

littlepinkstars44

Person_one wrote: »

You're 26 years old! How is it disrespectful? Surely they don't think you're still a virgin?

No they don't, but it is their house, their rules and to be honest I haven't been brought up like that. None of my friends ever had boyfriends/girlfriends stay over when we were younger either, so it's not something I've ever actually seen or known about happening...it's just not the done thing around here. My friend got engaged at Christmas, her fiancee is not allowed to stay overnight at her parents either.