Childfree by Choice?

BAGGY

I never wanted children either. I enjoyed the exotic holidays, spur of the moment trips, late nights and days out with no reason to rush back. I could holiday when I wanted and didn't have to fit it into the 'summer break'. I didnt want to have to give up my social time to anyone else. I didnt even have pets as I didnt want to be responsible.
I had to have a gynae op when I was 42 and due to complications I was sent back to hospital for scans where they discovered I was carrying TWINS !
I knew, despite all this, I could not terminate them as I am a beliver in fate.
They HAVE changed my life totally and I really try hard not to resent the fact that I can no longer go off on a whim. I am an older parent and have no grandparent support. It's been bloody hard. If you'd have asked me 10 years ago if I'd have been a mum I would have laughed and said NO, I am too selfish. (having said that I wouldn't change what's happened, but just ocassionally I long for my old life). Well done to you lot who do not want kids. You have as much right to choose your lifestyle as anyone else. Parents do not know what a child free life is like in older years so they cant comment.

Person_one

Calfuray wrote: »

Is it cheeky to say I think you older CFC-ers are lucky?

I'm 23, CFC, as is my husband, who is nearly 28.
Even though my mind has been made up since I was 10, I get a lot of the 'you'll change your mind' etc. Once from somebody who I'd only just met that night!

I've asked the doctor to be sterilised, but she just laughed me off of course.

Your husband would probably have more luck getting a vasectomy, it's less invasive for men anyway.

Person_one

duchy wrote: »

Really ?

I wouldn't think twice about anyone not having kids in their twenties married or not -but then I always felt thirty was a good age to become a parent .....Too much to do travelling the world and building a career in my twenties.

I do wonder if the supposed discomfort when the person snaps "No" is more to do with discomfort at their defensive response whereas a "No I don't have children " said in a more relaxed tone would be more socially normal and not kill conversation stone dead. For most people it's an idle enquiry not a stick to beat you with....People honestly aren't that interested ! ((unless they happen to be your parents and want grandchildren ....but presumably they know you don't have children so don't need to ask )

Even when you respond politely, or self deprecatingly, most people tend to just leave a silence and look at you clearly expecting an explanation or a backstory. Just a 'no' is very rarely enough!

I trend to just turn it back on the questioner and ask about their kids, most people prefer to talk about themselves/their offspring anyway.

red_devil

What do childfree people think about christmas. Do you ever feel your missing out on the santa stuff and magic of christmas for kids etc. The exciting xmas eve waiting for santa.

Tropez

red_devil wrote: »

What do childfree people think about christmas. Do you ever feel your missing out on the santa stuff and magic of christmas for kids etc. The exciting xmas eve waiting for santa.

Not really. I already did all that when I was a kid.

Gavin83

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I agree people talk about their children a lot, especially first time parents. (I don't wish to know the gory details of the contents of your baby's nappy, thanks very much ).

But I have found that people talk about their dogs just as much, especially if they have dogs and no children.

The amount of people that consider their dogs like children is shocking. Even my parents are like it. They have pictures of the dog all around the house, I swear sometimes they prefer the dog to me!

I actually don't mind discussing my reasons for not wanting children. However the person needs to be prepared to discuss their reasons for wanting children in return.

Parents are obviously a lot more complicated due to the emotion involved and I do think it's worse when your an only child yourself as no one else will be having grandchildren for them.

SandC

No Reddevil because I suppose we did that ourselves as children so we remember it.

Actually I love Christmas and all the build up. You just love different things about it as you get older..... I actually had a very good friend of mine make a really misplaced comment to me the other year.... she asked me why I liked Christmas when I don't have kids.

If it was all about children there would be no grown ups parties, secret santas, trips to Xmas markets etc. I reminded said friend about the Xmas eves where she was out snogging people under miseltoe pre-children and all that....

And anyway, I can go to all those places where children are getting excited and just enjoy it along with all the families...

LEJC

red_devil wrote: »

What do childfree people think about christmas. Do you ever feel your missing out on the santa stuff and magic of christmas for kids etc. The exciting xmas eve waiting for santa.

But surely christmas is what you make of it.
What you describe is perhaps a "traditional" christmas but whos to say everyone follows that mould whether they are child free or not....
we have got children but have not had a traditional christmas in the way you describe for many years....but what we do have is "our traditional christmas"....so we dont miss out in the slightest...
We dont do it for religious reasons or any other reason other than when we originallY got together we couldnt decide how to carve up the festive period to include the relations without favouring one over the other....so we made our own tradition and as children came along they have not changed our christmas ways.

Goldiegirl

red_devil wrote: »

What do childfree people think about christmas. Do you ever feel your missing out on the santa stuff and magic of christmas for kids etc. The exciting xmas eve waiting for santa.

In a word - no

I'm really looking forward to Christmas, as it's a time for my husband and I to completely relax together, without any outside pressures such as work, housework, garden work, etc. and also to enjoy some good food

You build your life as it suits you, and it doesn't have to include children

Goldiegirl

Gavin83 wrote: »

The amount of people that consider their dogs like children is shocking. Even my parents are like it. They have pictures of the dog all around the house, I swear sometimes they prefer the dog to me!

I actually don't mind discussing my reasons for not wanting children. However the person needs to be prepared to discuss their reasons for wanting children in return.

Parents are obviously a lot more complicated due to the emotion involved and I do think it's worse when your an only child yourself as no one else will be having grandchildren for them.

My aunt had a son called Nick. Then she got a dog that was called Nick. She didn't change the dog's name, but she lavished more love and care on dog Nick than she ever did on son Nick.

Pets are fine, when they are treated as pets, and I think people do love their pets, but I'm not comfortable with the whole 'fur baby' thing, when the pet is given the same status, or higher status than a child.

I'm an only child myself, and my parents never put any pressure on my to have a child. They respected that it was my life, and allowed me to lead it as I wanted. My husband is an only too, and my MIL would have loved us to have children - she'd hint about it all the time. My husband's cousins were the worst though - they were always questioning us about our breeding intentions, and more or less came out and said we should have a child for the sake on MIL!