Childfree by Choice?

CharlieRabbit01

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Some DO have their own rooms and a collection of outfits (or as many toys as any toddler and various beds, leads, bowls etc).

It's the way they talk about them as though they are people mainly.

I don't see how your first list proves people using pets as substitutes.

How would you talk about your pet?

Misty_Blue

I should think there are a lot of frustrated would-be pet owners out there. But maybe they have allergies, so the next best thing is to have kids as a pet susbstitute.

kboss2010

I live in a place where every woman I meet seems to be desperate to get married, have kids, quit their job and become a Stepford wife while living the high life on their husband's income (usually oil and gas money). Personally I can't think of anything worse. I'm tokophobic for starters so, even if I wanted kids, I couldn't and I really don't understand why you would want to put yourself in the dangerous position of being stuck with kids if your partner left.

It's never the man in a relationship who gets the hard work of raising them, having to take on the physical and emotional burden of pregnancy and maternity leave or has to pick up the pieces when they decide that playing house isn't quite as fun as it sounded.

I've had all the usual rubbish said to me, everything from the cliche "oh you'll change your mind" to "no man will ever want a woman who won't give him kids" to "what will you do with your time when all your friends have kids?".

My mum made the mistake of having kids because my dad wanted them and it ruined their marriage. I also notice that guys hate women who are looking for a potential husband/father of their children and run a mile until you tell them you don't want marriage/kids, then they get upset and ask why.

I suspect 50% of my not wanting kids is because I don't really like them and the other 50% is that I will never trust a man enough to do their fair share of the work if I did.

It's not just me that gets quizzed either. I told my bf of 4 years that, whilst I am happy to be with him I will never marry him or have kids. I have no interest in either. I've also told many of his friends and mine the same thing yet a lot of people give him a hard time behind my back because they think I'm just saying that because he doesn't want to propose!! When one of his friends (IMO rather rudely) joked about me being a housewife once we "settled down", I told him politely that I wouldn't be having any children and I might as well have told him that I'd killed someone by his reaction.

seven-day-weekend

OK, for example people talk about their dogs like 'Oh Rover is really pleased you're coming to look after him, he's really looking forward to it'. Well Rover doesn't know I'm coming to look after him, he's a dog, he hasn't understood when you've said 'SDW is coming to look after you for a week'.

That kind of thing, that's just one example. And I didn't say ALL pets were child substitutes, but imho, some certainly are.

I have two cats myself.

seven-day-weekend

CharlieRabbit01 wrote: »

I don't see how your first list proves people using pets as substitutes.

How would you talk about your pet?

Like it's a dog/cat/python and not like it's a child.

BritAbroad

Childfreedom and Christmas can be tricky. You see a lot of families who agree to only buy presents for the kids. I have a friend who was in this situation. Her family agreed this while she was away for work. She came back, Christmas came around and having spent a fortune on her 8 nieces and nephews, she received precisely nothing. She was pretty hurt but her sisters and brother couldn't see what the problem was. I think they got it the following year when she didn't buy anything!

I personally love Christmas and loathe new year. I've always enjoyed spending time with our families over Christmas (there were never any kids there). However, Christmas here is a bit rubbish. We're 5000 miles away from our families and don't have anyone to spend Christmas or New Year with. There's no parties or social events. It's not worth trying to do a Christmas dinner for two people so we'll probably go out for a drive somewhere then dig something out of the freezer for dinner.

ivylinn

BritAbroad wrote: »

Childfreedom and Christmas can be tricky. You see a lot of families who agree to only buy presents for the kids. I have a friend who was in this situation. Her family agreed this while she was away for work. She came back, Christmas came around and having spent a fortune on her 8 nieces and nephews, she received precisely nothing. She was pretty hurt but her sisters and brother couldn't see what the problem was. I think they got it the following year when she didn't buy anything!

My SIL tried this too she says now she has a child everyone should just buy gifts for him because "Xmas is about children blah etc".
She also tried to dictate what our plans were for xmas day and were told we should "fall in line with what they want because "they have a child they are a family now". These plans were not cheap and there reasoning was offensive.

We are looking forward to spending our xmas day with adults this year :cool:

Prothet_of_Doom

I have 2 kids. The guy (who is my age) I sit next to has none, and his wife and he have no intention of having any. Their reasoning is that the world is a horrible and hostile place, which is full, and why subject a child to a life of misery and make life more difficult for the rest of humanity.

I suspect however it would just get in the way of thier life. The expensive holidays, multiple motorbikes, weekends doing 'projects' in the garage, going to the TT, out for meals etc. I think they realised early on that their life would not be thier own for years if they had kids.

CharlieRabbit01

On the subject of Christmas and children I have a 6 year old half-brother and it is for this reason I Dont go home for Christmas.

Not because I Dont like him or anything but because I can't stand the early start noise and general chaotic feeling I get when I'm there.

I prefer a more quiet one with either my partner or with his family (all adults) where I can chill with a glass of bucks fizz and generally take the day a slow casual pace.

catkins

Prothet_of_Doom wrote: »

I have 2 kids. The guy (who is my age) I sit next to has none, and his wife and he have no intention of having any. Their reasoning is that the world is a horrible and hostile place, which is full, and why subject a child to a life of misery and make life more difficult for the rest of humanity.

I suspect however it would just get in the way of thier life. The expensive holidays, multiple motorbikes, weekends doing 'projects' in the garage, going to the TT, out for meals etc. I think they realised early on that their life would not be thier own for years if they had kids.

You could well be right about their reasons for not wanting children but one of the reasons me and OH decided not to have any was that we think the world is overpopulated and not a very nice place and did not want to bring children into it. As we get older and see and read more and more distressing and upsetting stories we are glad we have no children.


We have never had expensive holidays etc.

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

OK, for example people talk about their dogs like 'Oh Rover is really pleased you're coming to look after him, he's really looking forward to it'. Well Rover doesn't know I'm coming to look after him, he's a dog, he hasn't understood when you've said 'SDW is coming to look after you for a week'.

That kind of thing, that's just one example. And I didn't say ALL pets were child substitutes, but imho, some certainly are.

I have two cats myself.

I can see what you are saying and I don't feel that my dog is a child substitute (I didn't want children so why would I want a substitute) however I will admit that I buy presents for my dog at Christmas and wrap them and put them in a stocking. He doesn't know it is Christmas so surely that is the same thing?

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Some DO have their own rooms and a collection of outfits (or as many toys as any toddler and various beds, leads, bowls etc).

My dog has a toy box filled with toys and is getting another 4 for Christmas!