Childfree by Choice?

seven-day-weekend

catkins wrote: »

You could well be right about their reasons for not wanting children but one of the reasons me and OH decided not to have any was that we think the world is overpopulated and not a very nice place and did not want to bring children into it. As we get older and see and read more and more distressing and upsetting stories we are glad we have no children.


We have never had expensive holidays etc.




I can see what you are saying and I don't feel that my dog is a child substitute (I didn't want children so why would I want a substitute) however I will admit that I buy presents for my dog at Christmas and wrap them and put them in a stocking. He doesn't know it is Christmas so surely that is the same thing?




My dog has a toy box filled with toys and is getting another 4 for Christmas!

IMHO, yes, that is the sort of thing I am talking about. However I must make it plain that I am not criticising, how people treat their animals is up to them, but to me that is treating your dog like a child (and therefore maybe in other cases that may mean the dog is a child substitute).

lostinrates

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

IMHO, yes, that is the sort of thing I am talking about. However I must make it plain that I am not criticising, how people treat their animals is up to them, but to me that is treating your dog like a child (and therefore maybe in other cases that may mean the dog is a child substitute).

Most people my dogs don't know their names at home. They know the 'names of my 'resident parent' ( who is actually only semi resident ATM) and when they have been away for a week or so I say 'parent is coming back' and the little 'un, in particular waits by the window and runs in circles. They also know 'dh is coming home today'. (Not those words, I have a specific...'command' for this. I also have a command word for 'where is X'. They like going to the train station and seeing which stranger is coming home and its hard to know with some friends if they remember them or not. Other people they go potty for but don't 'know' their names.

Definitely mention non resident parent here, and all three give a huge reaction. Non res parent always arrives with 'biscuits' and is the only person I allow to feed my dogs treats randomly.


My pets do fulfil the nurturing role of parenting for me, but that doesn't mean I treat them like children. I'm always keen to meet THEIR needs as individuals and as their species, not pretend they are little humans. They are little 'people' but not little humans.

CharlieRabbit01

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

IMHO, yes, that is the sort of thing I am talking about. However I must make it plain that I am not criticising, how people treat their animals is up to them, but to me that is treating your dog like a child (and therefore maybe in other cases that may mean the dog is a child substitute).

I've wrapped my kitten's toys for christmas, mainly becuase he has so much fun ripping the paper off it! :rotfl:

Person_one

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

OK, for example people talk about their dogs like 'Oh Rover is really pleased you're coming to look after him, he's really looking forward to it'. Well Rover doesn't know I'm coming to look after him, he's a dog, he hasn't understood when you've said 'SDW is coming to look after you for a week'.

That kind of thing, that's just one example. And I didn't say ALL pets were child substitutes, but imho, some certainly are.

I have two cats myself.

I see what you mean, but I think you're reading a bit too much into it! They're just trying to say something nice to/about you and using the dog as a prop, they probably don't believe he understands English?

catkins

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

IMHO, yes, that is the sort of thing I am talking about. However I must make it plain that I am not criticising, how people treat their animals is up to them, but to me that is treating your dog like a child (and therefore maybe in other cases that may mean the dog is a child substitute).

No, I didn't think you were criticising.

Obviously people treat pets differently - some being way over the top and some not actually treating them that well.

I admit that me and OH spoil our dog but I don't think we treat him like a child although some people may think we do. As I say, we chose not to have children so in a lot of ways it wouldn't make sense to then have a pet and treat it like a child. I have never bought clothes for any of my dogs and they have not been allowed in our bedroom or to sit and beg while we eat or similar things but we do buy him Christmas and birthday presents and he had a birthday cake this year and a little meet up with some doggie friends over our local park which I suspect a lot of people think is over the top.

I just want all of our pets past, present and future to have the best life we can give them i.e. the best food we can afford, lots of walks, not being left alone for more than a couple of hours, days out with us, some holidays with us etc.

seven-day-weekend

Person_one wrote: »

I see what you mean, but I think you're reading a bit too much into it! They're just trying to say something nice to/about you and using the dog as a prop, they probably don't believe he understands English?

You may be right. I sometimes take things very literally and am not very good at understanding some sorts of humour. A bit Aspie, me

Although my husband has also said the same about some animals being child/grandchild substitutes.

blunther

kboss2010 wrote: »

I live in a place where every woman I meet seems to be desperate to get married, have kids, quit their job and become a Stepford wife while living the high life on their husband's income (usually oil and gas money). Personally I can't think of anything worse. I'm tokophobic for starters so, even if I wanted kids, I couldn't and I really don't understand why you would want to put yourself in the dangerous position of being stuck with kids if your partner left.

It's never the man in a relationship who gets the hard work of raising them, having to take on the physical and emotional burden of pregnancy and maternity leave or has to pick up the pieces when they decide that playing house isn't quite as fun as it sounded.

I've had all the usual rubbish said to me, everything from the cliche "oh you'll change your mind" to "no man will ever want a woman who won't give him kids" to "what will you do with your time when all your friends have kids?".

My mum made the mistake of having kids because my dad wanted them and it ruined their marriage. I also notice that guys hate women who are looking for a potential husband/father of their children and run a mile until you tell them you don't want marriage/kids, then they get upset and ask why.

I suspect 50% of my not wanting kids is because I don't really like them and the other 50% is that I will never trust a man enough to do their fair share of the work if I did.

It's not just me that gets quizzed either. I told my bf of 4 years that, whilst I am happy to be with him I will never marry him or have kids. I have no interest in either. I've also told many of his friends and mine the same thing yet a lot of people give him a hard time behind my back because they think I'm just saying that because he doesn't want to propose!! When one of his friends (IMO rather rudely) joked about me being a housewife once we "settled down", I told him politely that I wouldn't be having any children and I might as well have told him that I'd killed someone by his reaction.

I think you have some issues with men...

God forbid a bloke generalised like that about women!

mumps

Person_one wrote: »

I sometimes think we should start grilling them a bit in return, turn the old trite questions on their head!

Why did you have children?
Why only one, two, three etc?
What if you regret having them later?
Are you sure you picked the right partner? What if you weren't picky enough?

Don't worry, people do it all the time. I have 4, the youngest was born just before my 40th birthday. I was a teenager when I had the first. I have been asked why have children so young/old. Why have four? Was the youngest/oldest a mistake? Did you have to get married (yes people did say that 40 odd years ago.) My personal bugbear was the feeling the bump routine. It is amazing how many people think they have the right to grope you because you are pregnant (and I'm not talking about the midwife.) Personally I'm not bothered what people think and if I don't want to answer a question I tend to just smile (or laugh.)

mumps

catkins wrote: »

I have had that said to me more times that I can remember. To be totally honest, the one thing that does bother me slightly is that if OH goes before me and I may end up lonely but I am a big worrier anyway.


I would never have had children just to look after me IF I get old but even if someone does there is no guarantee they will look after you is there? Lots of children move abroad or fall out with their parents (OH doesn't get on with his) and, sadly, children can die before you. My neighbour is 90 and had 4 children, all of which have died

I don't know but I think alot of people don't really expect their children to physically care for them but to care about them. I think the loneliness thing is understandable but obviously not a reason to have children.

Cottage_Economy

mumps wrote: »

I don't know but I think alot of people don't really expect their children to physically care for them but to care about them. I think the loneliness thing is understandable but obviously not a reason to have children.

I always got a bit teary when we'd go and get my gran from her home at Christmas and there would be loads of old ladies who had kids and grandkids being left there, not even a visit planned.

When my mum starts on about me not having kids and how I won't have anyone to care for me when I'm older, I just remind her of all those old ladies and tell her having kids is no guarantee.