Childfree by Choice?

tiggertock

There seem to be a lot of topics for those that are at various stages of pregnancies, but I just wondered if there are many people who've made a conscious decision not to have children...

There's a couple of common interest groups on facebook but they seem to consist of many Americans; I know my husband & I are a 'minority group', but it can't be as small as it seems...

Has anbody else made the non-children lifestyle 'choice'?

If you're tempted make a comment along the lines of the below; I'd really appreciate not hearing it, so please just ignore this thread. Thank you.

• You're selfish.
• Who will care for you when you're old?
• Don't you want to see what you/your husband's child would look like?
• You're not a 'real' woman.
• You'll change your mind.
• Why did you get married if you don't want children?
• What if your parents hadn't had children?
• It's different when it's your own.

giantmutantbroccoli

There is a thread/topic for people who are Childfree by Choice here:
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4807382

So you're definitely not alone!

Tropez

Yep, I have no intention of having children, and I will happily admit that there's a degree of selfishness involved. I like (most) of my life the way it is; I value the free time I have, the chances to pursue areas of interest, the financial freedom etc. that I simply would not be able to have if I had children.

To me, children would be an obstacle. They would prevent me from doing certain things that I may or may not want to do. I have been considering the possibility of leaving my job to pursue another interest but if I were to have children it would be irresponsible of me to do that.

Once we add all this up, I don't want kids because I think I would be a bad father because of the way that I view children to me. Many of my friends and colleagues have children and are very happy but when I look at them and look at what I would like to do, I can't see a way in which children are compatible with that.

My fiancee is the same. She's currently running two businesses and I'm sure she has expansion plans and long-term goals and I don't believe that children would easily fit into what she wants to do with her life.

Any

Several old threads on the topic below, you might find there is actually quite loads of people who are CFBC, and their opinion.

Anyone who says any of the things you just mentioned is in my eyes shallow, unhappy with their own life, full of themselves and trying to justify to themselves why they had theirs..
Why otherwise would they feel the need to feed you that rubbish...

I don't question their choice to have children, what gives them right to question mine?

But yes, I have met loads of people full of similar bull***. Including my own sister. And while I love her to pieces, where question on whether to become parents is involved she is all the things I just said above..

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4807382

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4675053

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/30461019#Comment_30461019

Gillyx

Tropez wrote: »

Yep, I have no intention of having children, and I will happily admit that there's a degree of selfishness involved. I like (most) of my life the way it is; I value the free time I have, the chances to pursue areas of interest, the financial freedom etc. that I simply would not be able to have if I had children.

To me, children would be an obstacle. They would prevent me from doing certain things that I may or may not want to do. I have been considering the possibility of leaving my job to pursue another interest but if I were to have children it would be irresponsible of me to do that.

Once we add all this up, I don't want kids because I think I would be a bad father because of the way that I view children to me. Many of my friends and colleagues have children and are very happy but when I look at them and look at what I would like to do, I can't see a way in which children are compatible with that.

My fiancee is the same. She's currently running two businesses and I'm sure she has expansion plans and long-term goals and I don't believe that children would easily fit into what she wants to do with her life.

I think this is refreshingly honest. So many people IMO have children because they feel they should or they're at that point in there lives where it's now or never. It's then a shock to them when children don't just fit in, and you have to adapt your life to them rather than the other way around. Not to say that anyone regrets having children but they do change your life in so many ways.

Watto30

I totally agree with what Tropez has said and feel the same way.

You and your husband are definitely not alone, Any kindly posted above about the previous threads on this topic.

People seem to be shocked when I say that I do not want children ( I am almost 32) and get told oh thats ok you have loads of time or you will change your mind etc! to be fair maybe in time I will but I have felt like this for a numbers yeas so can't see it changing anytime soon, luckily the partner is easy going and because he already has a child he is not fussed either way. I would be interested to hear what experiences other people who are childfree by choice have had.

Over the years I have had all the comments from you will never feel a love like it, its different when its your own blah blah blah rubbish! I like children they are sweet little things at times and also a complete pain in the backside when badly behaved etc I have neices and nephews and partner has a 9 year old daughter from previous relationship, love them all and really enjoy spending time with them but no desire to have my own whatsoever.

I am too selfish, like my free time and hobbies and have worked hard to get the career I want and have travel dreams yet to fulfill and that would not be feasible with a child in tow, as harsh as this will sound for me personally I think I would regret having a child so am not prepared to test that theory sorry if that offends but am being honest.

robrooo

I have chosen not to have children. While I agree that there is an element of selfishness (i.e. I want enjoy my current lifestyle), my over-riding concern is that there are just too many people in the world already, and the Earth cannot cope with the number of us and the way we live.

Angelicdevil

I don't want children either I'm 30 and everyone keeps telling me I'm still young.....there's plenty of time.....you'll meet the right man and everything will change......

Ermmmmm no, they won't plus I've met the right man and I still have no desire to make babies!

Another thing my friends/family don't understand is how I'm so good with their children yet don't walk away feeling like I must now go make my own.

blossomsuz

Yep another one here.


I don't like children much, I am not maternal and I refuse to conform to this society thinking you have to have kids to be happy or complete.


I enjoy my life, love my freedoms and sometimes wonder if friends push for you to have them so you can be as miserable as they are (joke I know they love them really).


Hubby is likeminded and at the age of nearly 33 I cant see anything changing to be honest.


He has two from a previous marriage and dealing with them one day a week when they were small totally put me off, they are much easier now they are older but I still have no desire whatsoever for one.

catkins

Gillyx wrote: »

Not to say that anyone regrets having children but they do change your life in so many ways.

Sadly quite a few people do regret having children though. Over the years quite a few men and women have told me that although they love their children if they could go back in time they would choose not to have any.

I don't understand why people who choose not to have children are regarded as selfish. I don't see anything selfish about not having children. Quite the opposite in fact - in an overpopulated country and world surely the childfree by choice are being sensible and unselfish?

Archer0710

The OH and I have made the decision to be child free for a number of reasons mostly in line with those above.

We are both selfish and do not want to compromise what we want to do in order to have a child. I don't want to compromise my life for a financial vortex that always comes first. Whilst we'd have a reasonable lifestyle with a kid, we have a good one without.

I am not maternal AT ALL, I think it's a defective gene;)

I like peace and quiet, kid noise drives me up the wall. I understand they like to "play" I do not like it therefore bringing that into my house would be madness.

Whilst not everyone's relationship changes I have seen very close friends and family's relationships change for the worse when children come along. I do not have that overwhelming desire for children so it would be stupid of me to risk that change for something neither of us desperately want.

I don't think I will change my mind, I am not saying never but saying more than 95% certainty it won't happen

Shame people don't realise it's a choice rather than something forced upon us by circumstance!