Childfree by Choice?

BritAbroad

And this post sums up in a nutshell the attitudes that child free people unfortunately still face. :mad:

'there's nothing as magical as having a child' - maybe that's true FOR YOU, but for many folk, the opposite would be true - for me, having a child would be terrible. I could rephrase your sentence as 'there's nothing so boring as having a child' - I wouldn't post it on a thread about having kids!

Families come in all shapes and sizes. Are you seriously suggesting that child free couples are less of a family just because they don't have kids? Because that is what your post implies. Why shouldn't child free people post on this forum? There are loads of threads about kids, I don't feel the need to tell them to 'get over themselves' because they're happy at having kids.

lazywife

We thought long and hard about whether to have a child and actually whether we were more selfish for wanting a child, not for not wanting a child ifkwim. I see being child free not as a selfish act, but as a responsible decision. Unless you are prepared to turn your lives upside down for this new addition, don't do it. A half hearted approach can give society more problems than not procreating in the first place.
There is a sensible answer to all the questions people ask. Being child free by choice is not something that should be judged, it should be commended that a couple have actually discussed and thought through whether a child is right for them and/or the child they would bring into this world and they've recognised it isn't.
From a mum of one who also thought long and hard, but for us we decided yes.
X

sweaty_betty

I have a lot of respect for people who have chosen to remain childless. It's all too easy to fall into the pattern of life where having children is the next logical step, without considering the implications of this on your life. Better to not have children than have them and regret it/resent them.

I didn't know if I wanted children, but have been fortunate enough to become a parent and it really is the best thing I've ever done (I have a great career and am in my late 30s and have certainly lived a lot before this point, so I don't feel it's "cramped my style" at all). However I know it isn't for everyone, I have a number of friends who have never wanted children, so although I see it as the right thing for me to do I certainly don't place any value judgments on anyone else for doing differently.

Kayalana99

If you don't want a child that's fine... But you post a list of things people with children can't say ... And then people without kids are posting and saying people are only having kids for peer pressure? To fill a gap? (What cause were bored or because it's instinct?)And everything else people are moaning about people with kids!

You can't have it both ways.

More on topic I have two lovely children that I adore but what drives me up the wall is everyone seems so fixated on me having a 3rd! I wanted two, and I'm certainly not having any more!

duchy

I do think people who say they are child free by choice are sometimes regarded as selfish...or thought of as unable to have children and not wanting to admit it by the rest. Frankly there are so many godawful parents out there who have had children without much thought about if they'd make good parents or not I think there's a lot to commend those who've actually thought about if and why they want children FIRST !

One of the nicest couples I know -he's a doctor, she also works at a high level in healthcare- both are second generation Italian with huge families with lots of nieces and nephews who they adore but they decided early on (I first knew them when they first met at uni and they are now nearly fifty) that early marriage and no kids was what they both wanted .....and they've never regretted it and are both completely happy.
I'm sure they have endured the sort of intolerance expressed by greylady's ilk as on paper they appear to be ideal parents but they simply felt it wasn't for them . They both work in caring professions,are financially secure , spend holidays with extended family including loads of kids but are happy not to be parents . It's the right choice for them. I'm sure if they had "an accident" they'd have made great parents but they took great care not to ! An unusual choice maybe but plenty of people make life choices I wouldn't choose for myself -why should the child decision be any different ?

catkins

Well the title of the thread explained what it is about!

You may think it is magical to have a child - lots of people with children do not agree. Children often cause the break up of a relationship and, as I said, lots of people say they would choose NOT to have children if they could go back in time.

Also I would assume parents who abuse their children did not find it "magical" having them.

Saturnalia

I've never got the "selfish" comment. Doesn't being selfish mean that someone else is being hurt/harmed/inconvenienced by the selfish act? Who is being put at a disadvantage by a minority not having children?

In fact you could argue the other way round - the childfree aren't using maternity & neonatal care services = more resources for those who do need them. The child who isn't born isn't going to be No. 37 in a classroom which has 1 teacher, 10 textbooks and 32 chairs. The fewer children competing, the more time, space and resources for your child at the playgroup, the library, the playground etc. And 18 years on, the more chance each one has at getting a job or uni place.

Selfishness would only apply if we lived in an underpopulated world/country/city that desperately needed more humans, and this certainly isn't the case!

Carl31

Why is it, that quite a few people that choose not to have kids feel the need to advertise the fact? As pointed out , there's loads of threads on this subject, usually followed by loads of self justifying posters posting the many reasons why they don't want to

Nobody posts about why they felt the need to have kids, or remind everyone why the chose to have kids

DaftyDuck

Callie22 wrote: »

Good God no. Even OH has admitted that any offspring that shared our genes would be very odd looking indeed

Then, you just have to have a kid.....

.... just so's if ever we did, there'd be some other poor blighter for ours to pair up with.

On the O.P.s point, it's not that rare. At a subject reunion at my university 20 years after graduation, only 7 of 50 had had sprogs. Given the subject in question was Zoology, we didn't have the excuse of not knowing how to make 'em.

The majority of my work colleagues in the UK are childless.

Neither of us wanted kids. We just never liked the idea in the slightest and, thank goodness, we are too old to worry about it any more.

115K

Bless. You must be easily confused. ;)This is a Marriage, Relationships and Families forum. I am married, have relationships with people and have a family, I also don't have any children through choice.

codemonkey wrote: »

I don't see how this post is helpful in the slightest. There are other types of Families than Mummy, Daddy and children you know. And it's a Marriage, Relationships and Families forum. Not just for people who've had children - people without kids can have marriages, relationships and families too. There are many different ways of living your life. Please don't have a go at others for making a choice that is different to yours. Children aren't for everyone.

Exactly.

Carl31 wrote: »

Why is it, that quite a few people that choose not to have kids feel the need to advertise the fact? As pointed out , there's loads of threads on this subject, usually followed by loads of self justifying posters posting the many reasons why they don't want to

Nobody posts about why they felt the need to have kids, or remind everyone why the chose to have kids

:rotfl:Right, because people with children never mention their children. You don't have to read this thread if it offends you.