Childfree by Choice?

lori64

I'm also childfree by choice. I have no maternal instinct towards kids at all. I heard all the "wait till the right man comes along" blah blah, and all the other crap people throw at you.

I'm 49yrs old and have never changed my mind, nor regretted my choice. I have always known I would never have kids. I have never married either, oddly enough, I always had a feeling I wouldn't. I never felt a NEED to be hooked up with someone. If it happens in the future, fair enough, but if not, I'm ok with that too.

Callie22

tiggertock wrote: »

Don't you want to see what you/your husband's child would look like?

Good God no. Even OH has admitted that any offspring that shared our genes would be very odd looking indeed

neverdespairgirl

I've seen several threads on the subject lurking on this board over time - perhaps you could do a search and see if any of them interest you?

pollyanna24

Well it is gona seem a bit odd me posting on here, and as much as I don't regret my children, I do often wonder if I can wind back the years, what would I do?

My ex left me after we had our second mainly cos of my mad pnd.

And I have found it hard bringing(dragging) them up by myself, so maybe this is a main point in my thinking.

Motherhood is definitely NOT what I thought it would be.

I think that if I got to the age where I couldn't have kids and I didn't have, would I regret it? You just don't know, do you? You either have kids or you don't.

Just read that back and it sounds awful. Do love me kids, but, I certainly don't think people are selfish if they don't have any. The kid has never existed, so what's to regret, and people have realised it's not for them.

Bluemeanie_2

With a lot of the posts so far, sorry but I disagree when you refer to yourselves as "selfish". Not wanting to have kids is not a selfish decision at all in my opinion.
I don't think it's anymore selfish to choose not to have kids as it is to have kids.
I think it's more sensible to defy the social pressure to have kids, than to have one as you feel like it is the "expected" then constantly avoid being a parent, like a good few many people I know.

Although I have a 13 week old baby, I cannot stand the "wet" attitude to having kids that seems to prevail these days. I see a lot of kids running amok, yorping, shouting, being naughty and when the hell did it become acceptable to let kids run around on seats?! (Before anyone starts about saying they may have learning disabilities etc, there's no way the amount of kids I see behaving badly have them, they're just being brought up to be brats.) It seems a lot of people seems to think having kids etc is the total be all and end all these days so just let them do what they please, or do very lassaire-faiz parenting.

I love my daughter a lot, but you will never catch me posting one of those wet posts that says "the reason I get up everyday is my kids". I got up before I had her everyday and had many things to look forward too. I enjoy spending time with her and will strive to be the best parent I can. However, if this isn't the right thing to do for you, then so be it. Doesn't make you "selfish". It makes you very sensible in my book!

I have two good friends who both wish to stay child free by choice. I would ever dream of saying to them "you'll change your mind". How patronising!

BritAbroad

Another child free by choice here. OP, you're not alone, though as a child free person sometimes it feels like you are!

I think anyone saying it's selfish to be child free is being deeply offensive. I think the world is already overpopulated, therefore some of us choosing not to add to it is no bad thing. And I doubt anyone who has kids did it for altruistic reasons anyway - they had them because they wanted them, plain and simple.

I'm lucky because I haven't had any of the comments you've heard, though I've come across other folk who have. We've only had a couple of people comment about kids and OH nipped them in the bud immediately. In saying that, sometimes it would be easier if someone because them you can set them straight. I have had the 'how long have you been together' question followed by 'any kids', followed by a pitying stare which is incredibly irritating.

OH and I have been together nearly 20 years and I absolutely don't regret our decision. Kids irritate me and although I tolerate friends' kids I'm always glad when we can see them without them, which unfortunately doesn't happen very often.

I think the worst thing about being child free is that it changes the dynamic of your relationships with friends and/or family. I have a several groups of friends, many of whom are now mums to young babies or toddlers. It seems that once someone gets pregnant they disappear into this baby bubble for about 2 years. Their conversations revolve around babies and they take little interest in other people's lives any more. That can be very hurtful, not least because I am still genuinely interested in them and their lives - all of it, not just the baby part. As a child free person it's very easy to get sidelined, and I know I'm not the only child free person this has happened to either.

pollyanna24

Bluemeanie wrote: »

Although I have a 13 week old baby, I cannot stand the "wet" attitude to having kids that seems to prevail these days. I see a lot of kids running amok, yorping, shouting, being naughty and when the hell did it become acceptable to let kids run around on seats?! (Before anyone starts about saying they may have learning disabilities etc, there's no way the amount of kids I see behaving badly have them, they're just being brought up to be brats.) It seems a lot of people seems to think having kids etc is the total be all and end all these days so just let them do what they please, or do very lassaire-faiz parenting.

Although this is going completely off the topic, and I don't condone kids acting up... but they do.... and with only a 13 week old, may be you should for a few years until you start going on about laissez-faire parenting! Of course, I'm not saying you will let your child run riot, but there are times when it all gets too much and you just had a bad day and where it may look bad to outsiders, you just don't care!!!

codemonkey

I don't see how this post is helpful in the slightest. There are other types of Families than Mummy, Daddy and children you know. And it's a Marriage, Relationships and Families forum. Not just for people who've had children - people without kids can have marriages, relationships and families too. There are many different ways of living your life. Please don't have a go at others for making a choice that is different to yours. Children aren't for everyone.

[Deleted User]

tiggertock wrote: »

There seem to be a lot of topics for those that are at various stages of pregnancies, but I just wondered if there are many people who've made a conscious decision not to have children...

There's a couple of common interest groups on facebook but they seem to consist of many Americans; I know my husband & I are a 'minority group', but it can't be as small as it seems...

Has anbody else made the non-children lifestyle 'choice'?

If you're tempted make a comment along the lines of the below; I'd really appreciate not hearing it, so please just ignore this thread. Thank you.

• You're selfish.
• Who will care for you when you're old?
• Don't you want to see what you/your husband's child would look like?
• You're not a 'real' woman.
• You'll change your mind.
• Why did you get married if you don't want children?
• What if your parents hadn't had children?
• It's different when it's your own.

+1 from me! I'm not child-free by choice but have had to come to accept the positives of my situation and would totally support people *not* wanting to have offspring!

How people construct their family is their business. I dislike parents and non-parents who seek to impose their views and experiences on others as 'the best way'

Many people realise they just wouldn't be maternal, paternal, healthy, genetically 'good' stock, whatever and choose not to procreate. So what? It shouldn't be seen as a provocative act.

There are very many people on the planet and choosing not to have a child is one way there is a positive knock-on effect in less-developed parts of the world.

However - my one (slightly tangential) addition to this thread would be that I think we should support childless people who really *want* to be parents more, and more NHS & adoption resources should be chanelled into creating parents who really really really want the job!

[Deleted User]

grey_lady wrote: »

........... please don't feel the need to post on a families forum as how pleased you are with yourself on choosing not to have family.

Families are made up in many different ways - a husband, wife & a pet cat can be a family!

Families include aunties, stepchildren, cousins, Godchildren, all sorts and are not limited to those who have had children and therefore they are as entitled to post on a 'families' forum as you are.