Childfree by Choice?

Person_one

Laurajo wrote: »

The thing that irritates me is that some people feel that, if you are Cfbc, it then gives them the right to question your health, motivations, your relationship with your partner, your past, your relationship with your parents (because it's obviously due to some deep-seated psychological issues that you've chosen not to procreate).

I don't dislike kids, I take an interest in my friends and family's children and enjoy hearing that Junior took his first steps or is just starting school. I just don't want any.

I sometimes think we should start grilling them a bit in return, turn the old trite questions on their head!

Why did you have children?
Why only one, two, three etc?
What if you regret having them later?
Are you sure you picked the right partner? What if you weren't picky enough?

an9i77

I don't think people who choose not to have children are any more selfish than anyone else, but I know some people like my mum think that people without children are more self centred than people with, as in her opinion having children teaches you to be selfless in a way that you don't learn if you don't have that experience. This is my mum's opinion, not mine (so don't flame me!) - I think there are probably many selfish parents and selfless non parents out there. But it may explain why some people subscribe to the 'people without children are selfish (self centred) view.

Goldiegirl

Person_one wrote: »

I sometimes think we should start grilling them a bit in return, turn the old trite questions on their head!

Why did you have children?
Why only one, two, three etc?
What if you regret having them later?
Are you sure you picked the right partner? What if you weren't picky enough?

Now that's a good idea!

Then people might start to realise how rude and intrusive their questions are!

I've moved beyond the stage of people grilling me about when I'm going to have children etc. but my own person's bugbear is, when, in social situations, I've got to talk to new people. Most of them start going on about their children (or their grand children, who are always super talented and wonderful)' then I'm asked if I have children. Of course, I answer in the negative, then they look shifty and nervous, in case they've uncovered a long held disappointment and hurt.

If they can't cope with all the possible replies, why ask the question?

My real annoyance is, that I always explain that it was a personal choice etc. why should I have to justify myself, to make people feel more comfortable.

catkins

pukkamum wrote: »

I have children but I know a few couples who had children mainly because they felt it was the done thing to do, that I know would have had a much better life without them, my friend struggles every single day with being a mother as does her husband with being a father, they take no delight in the childrens achievements, they drag them to adult parties, restaurant's and bars desperately trying to continue with the life they had before, their resentment at having to deal with said children when they just want to socialise is clear and often the children just get ignored.
I can't help but think that if being childfree by choice wasn't so frowned upon by many in society this kind of scenario wouldn't happen.
I sometimes fantasise about what life would have been like without children and although I love them dearly I know dh and I would have had an equally rewarding wonderful life without them.
Oh and the occasional lie in!
I have another friend cfbc and she is constantly being asked when she will be having one, does she have fertility problems etc, disgusting, noone questions my decision to
have kids why on earth should she be questioned about her decision not to?

It always makes me sad when I hear of people who regret having children. Me and OH don't regret at all our decision not to have any but I guess some childfree couples do end up regretting their decision. I personally would rather regret not having them than regret having them.


It also amazes me that quite a few couples don't really ever have the talk about whether they both want children or how many they want etc. I know couples who get married after quite a few years together and then discover one of them doesn't want children and the other does. Also some friends have admitted they never talked about it but just had a child or children because it "is the done thing".


Me and OH discussed at length before we got married whether or not we wanted children and did not come to the decision lightly to remain childfree

lika_86

My personal favourite is 'but who's going to look after you when you're old?', as if having children is a guarantee that they will want to, can and will look after their parents. Personally I plan on using the money I save from not having children to look after me in my old age.

Although the most offended I've been was in Waterstones when someone tried to sell me the children's book he'd written, I said I didn't know any children and didn't like them anyway, he said that I'd change my mind when I met the right man, my boyfriend (the right man) being stood five feet away.

Unfortunately I've reached the age when everyone I know is beginning to lose their minds after procreating.

[Deleted User]

lika_86 wrote: »

My personal favourite is 'but who's going to look after you when you're old?' ....

I've come across that one before - I replied: I don't know but it's likely your children will be paying for it or actually changing my knickers! :rotfl:

Soleil_lune

lika_86 wrote: »

My personal favourite is 'but who's going to look after you when you're old?', as if having children is a guarantee that they will want to, can and will look after their parents. Personally I plan on using the money I save from not having children to look after me in my old age.

Unfortunately I've reached the age when everyone I know is beginning to lose their minds after procreating.

What a silly thing that is for people to say anyway!

If people are having children so they have someone to look after them in their old age; then that is definately the wrong reason for having children.

catkins

lika_86 wrote: »

My personal favourite is 'but who's going to look after you when you're old?', as if having children is a guarantee that they will want to, can and will look after their parents. Personally I plan on using the money I save from not having children to look after me in my old age.

I have had that said to me more times that I can remember. To be totally honest, the one thing that does bother me slightly is that if OH goes before me and I may end up lonely but I am a big worrier anyway.


I would never have had children just to look after me IF I get old but even if someone does there is no guarantee they will look after you is there? Lots of children move abroad or fall out with their parents (OH doesn't get on with his) and, sadly, children can die before you. My neighbour is 90 and had 4 children, all of which have died

Yorkie1

My mother for many years told me that the most worthwhile thing a woman could do was to have a child.

She was desperate to be a grandmother and I therefore had to endure this pressure to produce for her (whether in a relationship or otherwise). She was entitled to her opinion but not to try to guilt-trip me into having children when I had no desire to have them. Obviously (insert sarcastic smillie) there was something wrong me!

Luckily for me, she stopped the pressure some years ago, and my brother now has a daughter so she has achieved her desire.

Anyone who assumes that their children will drop everything in order to personally care for them in their old age is the selfish one. My parents have made it abundantly clear that if that time ever arrives, they do not expect that in any way.

Takeaway_Addict

Carl31 wrote: »

Why is it, that quite a few people that choose not to have kids feel the need to advertise the fact? As pointed out , there's loads of threads on this subject, usually followed by loads of self justifying posters posting the many reasons why they don't want to

Nobody posts about why they felt the need to have kids, or remind everyone why the chose to have kids

Are you kidding me?

Have you seen the numerous pregnancy threads and alike?