Childfree by Choice?

CharlieRabbit01

Calfuray wrote: »

Is it cheeky to say I think you older CFC-ers are lucky?

I'm 23, CFC, as is my husband, who is nearly 28.
Even though my mind has been made up since I was 10, I get a lot of the 'you'll change your mind' etc. Once from somebody who I'd only just met that night!

I've asked the doctor to be sterilised, but she just laughed me off of course.

I'm 27 and can't comment for those older than me but I've found its got harder as I've got older.

With people saying:
ooh children are harder to care for as you get older
you won't get to see your grandchildren
Its Harder to conceive after 30
You won't have enough time to space out their ages nicely etc etc:beer:

Goldiegirl

Calfuray wrote: »

Is it cheeky to say I think you older CFC-ers are lucky?

I'm 23, CFC, as is my husband, who is nearly 28.
Even though my mind has been made up since I was 10, I get a lot of the 'you'll change your mind' etc. Once from somebody who I'd only just met that night!

I've asked the doctor to be sterilised, but she just laughed me off of course.

As you get older, you don't get all the 'you'll change your mind' or 'you'll regret it comments', but you do get pitying looks if you reveal you haven't got children, or people assume you have got kids, and then look awkward when you find out you haven't.

The unspoken looks, are equally as annoying as the comments!

But I think it is easier as you get older - you get more used to ignoring the things that are annoying!

Goldiegirl

CharlieRabbit01 wrote: »

I'm 27 and can't comment for those older than me but I've found its got harder as I've got older.

With people saying:
ooh children are harder to care for as you get older
you won't get to see your grandchildren
Its Harder to conceive after 30
You won't have enough time to space out their ages nicely etc etc:beer:

I found it got better after I was 30. At that point I'd been married 9 years, and as I had got to the ripe old age of 30 without producing a child, I think they started to assume there was SOMETHING WRONG, and laid off a bit!

duchy

Really ?

I wouldn't think twice about anyone not having kids in their twenties married or not -but then I always felt thirty was a good age to become a parent .....Too much to do travelling the world and building a career in my twenties.

I do wonder if the supposed discomfort when the person snaps "No" is more to do with discomfort at their defensive response whereas a "No I don't have children " said in a more relaxed tone would be more socially normal and not kill conversation stone dead. For most people it's an idle enquiry not a stick to beat you with....People honestly aren't that interested ! ((unless they happen to be your parents and want grandchildren ....but presumably they know you don't have children so don't need to ask )

Goldiegirl

Trust me, I've always been polite about it, and said it with good grace and a smile.

But for some reason, a person's child free status is fair game for public debate when people are younger, and for awkwardness and pity when you are older.

I've no interest in their kids or grandchildren - but people bang on about them all the time. There are many much more interesting topics to talk about - but children are always brought into it. I never bring up the subject of kids - it's other people who are so pre-occupied with it. And for what ever reason, when the answer is 'no, I don't have any', they find it difficult to know how to react.

duchy

VickyA wrote: »

Ah! It's so lovely to be amongst like-minded people. :beer:

I am 34 and DH is 38 and we have no children through choice. We both work full time, with me being a teacher, but we don't want children. Far too often I am asked by people, "So how old are your children?" with me having to explain that I don't have children just one husband *chortle, chortle*.

Another bug bear is those acquaintances who ask when we're going to have children. Do I really need to answer those questions? No! They get a short shrift and generally run away with their tails between their legs...

Why on earth would you need to be so rude to an innocent question

"So how old are your children?" Answer " Seven - all thirty two of them " Says you don't have kids without aggression or defensiveness .

For the second scenario - not their business so "No plans to " and changing the subject usually shuts most people up as they aren't sure if it's choice or not so leave it alone.

Really don't see the need for "short shrift" or sending people away with their tails between their legs over something so minor. Are you really a teacher ? Most teachers I've worked with (childfree or otherwise) have better manners and empathy.

duchy

Well actually I don't see it. (and it can't be a regional thing -we live in the same county LOL)
I had my son at thirty one -and most people assumed he was an accident as they apparently thought I was career focused (He wasn't). I was never made to feel uncomfortable or judged for not having children -We're people pleased for me- Yes...... but I never felt anything negative from people before I got pregnant ......no OTT comments ..... Of course people asked if we had kids and we'd say no ....and conversation moved on -so No I've stood where you are and never experienced what you have .....and if I had I'd have just thought they were a bit OTT and gone and talked to someone else

Goldiegirl wrote: »

Trust me, I've always been polite about it, and said it with good grace and a smile.

But for some reason, a person's child free status is fair game for public debate when people are younger, and for awkwardness and pity when you are older.

I've no interest in their kids or grandchildren - but people bang on about them all the time. There are many much more interesting topics to talk about - but children are always brought into it. I never bring up the subject of kids - it's other people who are so pre-occupied with it. And for what ever reason, when the answer is 'no, I don't have any', they find it difficult to know how to react.

Goldiegirl

Well, you are lucky, then, Duchy - glad you weren't made to feel awkward in any way by your choices.:)

seven-day-weekend

I agree people talk about their children a lot, especially first time parents. (I don't wish to know the gory details of the contents of your baby's nappy, thanks very much ).

But I have found that people talk about their dogs just as much, especially if they have dogs and no children.

Pollycat

Calfuray wrote: »

I'm 23, CFC, as is my husband, who is nearly 28.
Even though my mind has been made up since I was 10, I get a lot of the 'you'll change your mind' etc. Once from somebody who I'd only just met that night!

I've asked the doctor to be sterilised, but she just laughed me off of course.

If you're really really sure that you won't change your mind, have you considered having it done privately?

Check this out:
http://mariestopes.rtrk.co.uk/?scid=112008&kw=878195&pub_cr_id=20380854881

It does say this:

At Marie Stopes International, age is not a barrier to having this procedure, although we do advise that anyone under the age of 25 has counselling before proceeding.