Childfree by choise

nyc_451

Wondering if there are any people on the forum who remained childfree by choise and what their experience is. What was the reason for not having children, what impact did it have on your life, do you have any regrets... Or maybe you have a close friend or relative who doesn't want children and could tell me about him or her

I don't expect many replies but this is the topic that currently interests me, so I thought I would give it a try. Thinking whether I should adopt in the future or not have any children at all.

Thank you for your time

(Please forgive me for my grammar, I am not English.)

EmCHammer

I am child free through choice; have never wanted kids and they don't 'appeal' to me. I do get on well with my friends teenage kids but younger kids leave me a bit cold. I have always felt this way.

Alot of friends felt the same way when they were younger but all settled down and had kids.

Luckily my partner felt the same way as me so it has never been a problem in our relationship... we are 40 and 41 respectively and I am female.

Have absolutely no regrets, and maybe a few worries about who might look after me when I get older, but having children is no guarantee that you will be looked after (and of course no reason to have children).

I suppose the impact on my life is that I can do what I want when I want in an ideal world; but of course I don't. It does mean that I can lay in bed till 11am at weekends and we can please ourselves with what we do with our time - OK so we often don't spend our weekends jetting off here there and everywhere but thats probably due to financial reasons, suppose we could do in theory.

I do have 2 dogs, which I love to bits, they are not 'child substitutes' and do alot for dog rescue in my spare time - hopefully I am not considered a mad dog lady.

Person_one

Long thread on the subject here:

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/30461019#Comment_30461019

System

Many more women these days are choosing not to have a child. Hopefully it hasn't got the same stigma it used to have years ago.

catkins

If you search you will see there have been quite a few threads on this topic.

I am childfree by choice. I actually do really like children, particularly babies, but when we married me and OH discussed having children and decided, for various reasons, not to have any. He in fact had a vasectomy at a pretty young age as I had got pregnant whilst on the pill but it was an ectopic pregnancy. We decided not to take any chances! Some of our reasons were that we both believe the earth to be overpopulated and didn't want to add to that. Also because of that and other factors we don't really see it as a very nice place to bring children into and believe things will only get worse. We also wanted our relationship to stay the same and that is not always easy with children. I would have wanted to stay at home for at least a couple of years with a child and as I earned over double what OH did that would not have been feasible.

No, I can honestly say neither of us regret our decision. We have been married over 30 years and are both late 50's and despite being told many times over the years that we would regret it we don't. We have nieces and nephews that we adore and when they were younger we would have them to stay for weekends, take them out to zoos, theme parks etc even occasionally take them on holiday. We loved it but were always glad to hand them back. When they were born I had a little bit of "Oh I wish he/she were mine" but it didn't last long!

I am not sure if it has had any real impact on our lives. We certainly have not been always going out or away on holiday. We are very close and very much in love but that could still be the case if we had had children.

I do occasionally have a bit of a panic about if OH dies and I am old and alone but you can't have children so they will look after you in your old age. I know quite a few people who have little or no contact with their children anyway - some have moved abroad, some have fallen out, some have died. My neighbour is 90 and all 4 of her children have died.

I don't have regrets but I can honestly say I would rather regret not having children than having them as once you have them you can't get rid of them. Sadly, I have had quite a few men and women tell me over the years that although they love their children, if they could go back in time they would choose not to have any.

Angelicdevil

avogadro wrote: »

Many more women these days are choosing not to have a child. Hopefully it hasn't got the same stigma it used to have years ago.

Hmm you'd like to think! I'm amazed by how many people think I'm "weird" for not wanting children. They insist that I will one day or it will all change when you meet the right man or just you wait till your body clock starts blah blah blaaahhhhhh.........

I wasn't born with a "body clock", I love my friends children and would do anything for them but I do not want my own. I don't ever leave my friend's houses thinking "oh, wouldn't it be lovely if I had my own little one".

I'm at an age now where most of my friends are on their 2nd/3rd children and I still don't even want a first!

catkins wrote: »

I don't have regrets but I can honestly say I would rather regret not having children than having them as once you have them you can't get rid of them. Sadly, I have had quite a few men and women tell me over the years that although they love their children, if they could go back in time they would choose not to have any.

Yes, my mother is one of those! It's not something that many people will admit but I have heard it a few times.

blossomsuz

Child free by choice here as well.

I am now 32 and don't regret it.

My husband has two kids from a previous marriage that we see on a weekend and although I love my time with them I soon discovered that I couldn't do it 24/7 365.

I don't mind babies or older kids but toddlers do my head in and I am just not really interested in kids. The two step kids are almost teenagers now so independent and more fun

I have lots of pets so am tied in that respect but they are not child substitutes I just have a passion for animals, I was always the little girl that would rather fuss the dog than the baby.

People told me for years that I would "change my mind" but I still haven't and cant see it happening to be honest. I am quite happy with my little life just as it is

lavalamp

Angelicdevil wrote: »

I wasn't born with a "body clock", I love my friends children and would do anything for them but I do not want my own. I don't ever leave my friend's houses thinking "oh, wouldn't it be lovely if I had my own little one".

My thoughts exactly. I have never wanted kids and people assume I don't like children which is not true at all. My friends kids mean the world to me but I don't feel I need my own!

nyc_451

Thank you for your replies Didn't notice the other thread but will take a look now; however, it's a bit old, so maybe I will get some replies from new members.

My heart and my mind goes with not having babies but I am only in my mid twenties, so thought maybe I am too young to make such an important decision.

Also, I haven't met "the one" yet and I am afraid that if he wants to have a family, I will be easily convinced (I tend to do a lot for the person I am in love with) and regret it later. If I have any surgery done to not have children before I meet him, I might regret it, too.

Person_one

lavalamp wrote: »

My thoughts exactly. I have never wanted kids and people assume I don't like children which is not true at all. My friends kids mean the world to me but I don't feel I need my own!

I love my niece and nephew so much it hurts, but good god its knackering looking after them, and I'm so sick of Fireman Sam I could happily torch Ponty flippin' Pandy and everybody in it. :mad:

Having children just looks far too much like hard work to me, with not nearly enough time off.

heartbreak_star

I'm happy when my friends and family have children, if that's what they want...but I've never felt the desire to reproduce myself. In fact, I'd happily be sterilised but the docs just won't do it!

HBS x