Childfree by choise

EmCHammer

I have never had any comments about not having children, I suppose have always been open about my lack of interest in children. Even my mum has said she is going off the idea of grand children the more she see's other peoples children out and about.

I think that if I did get any comments would give a very abrupt comment in return, I can be open about it with my situation but for people who cannot have children it must be incredibly hurtful.

lostinrates

EmCHammer wrote: »

I have never had any comments about not having children, I suppose have always been open about my lack of interest in children. Even my mum has said she is going off the idea of grand children the more she see's other peoples children out and about.

I think that if I did get any comments would give a very abrupt comment in return, I can be open about it with my situation but for people who cannot have children it must be incredibly hurtful.

Even our parents still haven't given up. Considering I go to hospital almost weekly ATM I don't know how they think it would be fair in a kid even if someone have me one :eek:

But the funniest incident (and most are retrospectively humorous) was a woman who lives around the corner and whose husband works in the same area or work as my husband. They invited us for coffee to discuss a local issue and told us to bring 'any children'. Well obviously, we came alone, and the woman was almost shouting at me that she knew I had a child because she had seen me with him....(I have a friend whose toddler I borrowed once or twice a week at the time, and he and I used to garden and play in my front and side garden a lot so she probably HAD seen me with aphim). In the end I turned to DH and said, darling, have you checked behind the sofa cushions recently, all manner of stuff gets behind there, last time I found a pair of glasses that know one has claimed yet. If we do have one I'm certain that's where it will be.':rotfl:

They didn't get the joke, but it did get them looking worried. :rotfl:

Pechow

I'm early-mid 20s, and do not want children, so get the comments whenever the subject comes up. The most popular one is simply "you'll change your mind", because how could a female NOT want kids? That, and comments of "you'll never know what real love is until you have kids", which is the one that bothers me most honestly.

Even better is that while I definitely don't want my own children, I'm open to the idea of maybe adopting an older child (it's not something I've thought too much about). That still gets people shaking their heads and commenting that no, you'll want your own, adopting just isn't the same.

KxMx

lostinrates wrote: »

Even our parents still haven't given up. Considering I go to hospital almost weekly ATM I don't know how they think it would be fair in a kid even if someone have me one :eek:

Oh my Nan does that to me, I have one brother and two female cousins, all healthy and in long term relationships, I am sick and single yet apparently I am the best bet for producing babies lol!

Considering I have major health issues with no diagnosis how could I even entertain the idea of having a child right now??

Wrong on so many levels!

heartbreak_star

It makes me so sad when people tell me I'm selfish for "not giving my mum a grandchild". She isn't bothered.

It also saddens me when people say "adoption isn't the same because it's not your own". If I adopted a child, then that WOULD be my son or daughter. My own.

HBS x

joansgirl

I've got 3 kids. If I had my time over again I definitely wouldn't have any. Unfortunately I'd already had them before I realised that I just don't like children!

I got sterilised at 27, against my doctors advice ("you may want more in the future Mrs joansgirl, what will you do then?").

A couple of years after my first marriage broke up I met dh no. 2. I told him from the start that I do not want and will not have any more kids. If that's what his ultimate aim was then he was looking in the wrong place. As much as I adored him, if he'd said it was a deal breaker then I would have finished with him. Fortunately he wasn't bothered at all.

I have NEVER regretted getting sterilised, it's the best thing I ever did.

My heart goes out to all the people who want them and can't have them. Had I been born a generation later I think I would have been a surrogate. I was excellent during pregnancy, never any problems, always got pregnant easily. I would not have had a problem handing the baby over.

I don't make a secret of my dislike of children and some people have said that there must be something wrong with me, for me to feel that way. I ignore them.

When I make new friends I tell them my name and add at the end "I don't do kids!".

As for not knowing what real love is without children, I've got a dog!

lavalamp

Lots of people ask me why i don't have children and to be honest, one woman pestered and annoyed me so much (a relative stranger), that I told her it was because I couldn't have them because of an accident earlier in life - that shut her up pretty quick (luckily she didn't press the subject)! I felt bad after as I know there are many women who can't have children who want them, but man I get sick of being asked about it! I also got told many, many times that I would 'change my mind', but I'm in my forties and still haven't! I am blissfully child free and don't regret my decision in the slightest bit.

tea_lover

Another point I've just remembered is that when we were talking about this a while ago my OH said he's never been asked about it when he's on his own. We have been asked joint questions, and I've had plenty of comments when I've been on my own, but he hasn't. He's 7 years older than me (and looks it lol).

Just such a shame that so many people still struggle to see women as anything other/more than potential mothers.

lostinrates

tea_lover wrote: »

Another point I've just remembered is that when we were talking about this a while ago my OH said he's never been asked about it when he's on his own. We have been asked joint questions, and I've had plenty of comments when I've been on my own, but he hasn't. He's 7 years older than me (and looks it lol).

Just such a shame that so many people still struggle to see women as anything other/more than potential mothers.

I know my DH gets a fair bit of questioning from his father (his mother is dead) and other members of his family. His bother had a baby last year and we were all delighted, but DH got a few 'know its your turn, you've been married to that woman for long enough ' ' emails and phone calls:rotfl: and he wrote back with various responses from ignoring he that part entirely to 'not going to happen' of various shades of sorrow and smirk depending on recipient. So I don't think its true its only women.

tea_lover

lostinrates wrote: »

I know my DH gets a fair bit of questioning from his father (his mother ) and other members of his family. His bother had a baby last year and we were all delighted, but DH got a few 'know its your turn, you've been married to that woman for long enough ' ' emails and phone calls:rotfl: and he wrote back with various responses from ignoring he that part entirely to 'not going to happen' of various shades of sorrow and smirk depending on recipient. So I don't think its true its only women.

Oh absolutely, I'm sure men do get insenstive and just downright out of order comments too, but I do think it's on a different scale.

It would be interesting to see how many single men have received comments like this, compared to single women. I would hazard a guess (completely uneducated ) that the men on the receiving end of comments like this are married/in LTRs. Whereas I know quite a few single woman in their 30s who have been asked when they're going to have children.