Childfree by choise

bugslet

EmCHammer wrote: »

I do have 2 dogs, which I love to bits, they are not 'child substitutes' and do alot for dog rescue in my spare time - hopefully I am not considered a mad dog lady.

you are me!!! Spooky!

49, female, never wanted them basically because I don't like them and am actually ( really, I mean this) phobic about babies and very young children.

Impact means that I have pursued work, so I am reasonably well set up for old age and I have been as free as anyone can be with dogs;).

I have never regretted it for a moment, I've only ever twice been questioned about it along the lines of you'll regret it and oddly one of those was recently. Each to their own and all that.

Any

I don't mind children of other people, but even to say I love other people's children just don't want my own would be a lie...
I don't even particularly look for a company of my own nieces, I babysit only when asked and I do that for my sister because I love her.
People tell me I am weird and why don't I love my nieces so much I want to take them to cinema and spend weekends with them?!

I am very sociable person and enjoy company of people - just not children below 10ish. It is not that I am above them or don't find their conversation inteligent or anything like that, I don't know why I just don't look for that sort of company.

I will jump into fire for my nieces, but I will not put everything aside to take them for afternoon out unless my sister wants me to.

Gloomendoom

Apparently, I'm 'good' with children. Probably because not having any has meant that I haven't had to grow up.

bargainbetty

I'm 39 in a fortnight, and can genuinely say that I have never wanted children. I once thought I might like one, in a vague way, but got distracted from the conversation by shopping, so took that as a sign.

I love my friends' kids (mostly) but just have no urge to have them myself. I like walking away from them and having my space, my time, my holidays, my freedoms, my own body and soul. I respect those who make a good job of parenting as I can see it is damned hard work, but I know in my own heart that just because I am good with children doesn't mean I must have my own.

If and when you decide to have a child, do it because you want to. You will have to live with your decision for the rest of your life, and I cannot imagine anything worse than a child brought into the world for the wrong reasons being resented by its parents.

By the way, if you decide against it, you will hear the phrase 'But what's wrong with you?' when you say you don't want children. My general response is to tell them about a species of ant who are taken over by a parasite that takes them as a host and controls their every movement until they have sucked them dry of everything. Then I smile and look at their kids.

pops5588

I did my dissertation on this. I was amazed at the level of stigma attached to this life-choice. A lot of the women I spoke to had even had it suggested that they must have been abused at some point in their lives to be lacking this "natural" urge to reproduce.

One of the most eye-opening things I have ever done.

catkins

blue_mango wrote: »

My heart and my mind goes with not having babies but I am only in my mid twenties, so thought maybe I am too young to make such an important decision.

Also, I haven't met "the one" yet and I am afraid that if he wants to have a family, I will be easily convinced (I tend to do a lot for the person I am in love with) and regret it later. If I have any surgery done to not have children before I meet him, I might regret it, too.

When we married I was just 26 and OH was 23. We decided pretty quickly that we didn't want children and didn't feel we were too young to make that decision.

We did struggle when OH wanted a vasectomy as our GP said we were too young ad "would change our minds"! but we went to a Marie Stopes clinic and they were ok with it

Netwizard

Putting aside the fact I am single...I too have never wanted kids.

Like many others here, it just does not appeal. Im 30 next year so its got to that stage in life where all my friends have kids. I too get the "you will change your mind when the right woman comes along" and im met with looka of horror when I guarantee that I wont change my mind.

Spending half an hour round my friends kids is the most draining thing I do! If I had to look after them 24/7, I would end up in a mental hospital!

I also enjoy my freedom. The ability to holiday of go away for the weekend on impulse and not have to worry is nice. Even the little things like having a lie in on the weekends is nice.

If my mates ard happy, then im happy for them, but kids are certainly not for me. Finding another female with the same outlook is difficult, especially at my age as they are stressing about the bodyclock thing too.

bugslet

pops5588 wrote: »

I did my dissertation on this. I was amazed at the level of stigma attached to this life-choice. A lot of the women I spoke to had even had it suggested that they must have been abused at some point in their lives to be lacking this "natural" urge to reproduce.

One of the most eye-opening things I have ever done.

I find that surprising froma purely personal perspective.

Once someone told me that I would have no one to look after me when I got old! and a months ago at a dinner, a very maternal lady now with grandkids was insistent that life was not complete without children. I do feel that it was directed more to another lady who is 32 and about to get married that also has no plans to have any. At 49, it's fair to say I'm out of that game. But in all those years, that's been it. I do read articles where women say they are frequently asked/told they will change/their minds/pressured, but that has been contrary to my experience.

Must just look bolshy!:p

Any

bugslet wrote: »

I find that surprising froma purely personal perspective.

Once someone told me that I would have no one to look after me when I got old!

I wish I've heard that one just once!!

bugslet wrote: »

was insistent that life was not complete without children.

Again... I wish I was told that just once.

I completely understand that some people really do see that their "reason to live" if you like, even if it is completely wrong word is to have kids and look after them and it is when they feel their life has sense and are fulfilled, what I don't understand is why they cannot see that not every is fulfilled by the same thing??

lostinrates

Any wrote: »

I wish I've heard that one just once!!

Again... I wish I was told that just once.

I completely understand that some people really do see that their "reason to live" if you like, even if it is completely wrong word is to have kids and look after them and it is when they feel their life has sense and are fulfilled, what I don't understand is why they cannot see that not every is fulfilled by the same thing??

I wanted a child but don't have one. Even I don't see it as a 'reason to live' and if I did I think, oddly, it would have potentially made a bad candidate for healthy parenthood of independent little beings.

(I feel kind of torn in the by choice thing.....after lots of false starts at adoption and fostering DH and I decided last year no more. This was personal reasons and my health. Essentially we chose not to persue. I would have, he wouldn't accept for me by that stage and I don't think its the sort of thing you do to make a partner happy, you are either both in with both feet or your out IMO. Essentially, unless barred for whatever reason from adoption those of us childless have chosen to be so I guess.