Jealous, upset and no idea what to do

sacha28

Oh JAO, I really feel for you. I totally get where you're coming from with the 'catch-22' situation regarding drink. It's all very well people saying 'stop drinking' but what do you have when you stop? The same thoughts, the same feelings, the same issues. It just isn't that simple.

This is going to take quite a bit of work to sort out, and you have to be 100% committed to doing this otherwise you will fall at the first hurdle. It sounds like your OH has been as supportive as he can but has his own demons to battle. Perhaps his 'resigning' himself to never having children has just made him close his mind off to any mention as he doesn't want to get his hopes up?

Not all hope is lost. When I was 17 I was told by my GP that, due to having an undiagnosed STI for 18 months, I was likely to be infertile. At 17 I didn't, for want of a better word, care as I never saw myself having children. Fast forward 10 years and I met my amazing OH and my feelings changed. I went to my GP who referred me for tests, I had a gynae op to unblock my tubes and here I am with a 21 month old son!

You need to start the long road to recovery. DO NOT, under any circumstances, just suddenly stop drinking. This is incredibly dangerous and you need to detox in a controlled environment where they can give you medication to deal with vitamin deficiency, in turn preventing alcoholic seizures.

Stephb1986_2

Just a suggestion but have you thought of having counselling together as a couple?

Steph xx

LJ9982

justanopinion wrote: »

You're all making me want to weep.

Thank you so much for your help and understanding.

xx

No problem at all hun xxxx please just make sure you get xmas out of the way and try and get yourself on track with the alcohol first -one step at a time xx

Peccary

Has your partner had any genetic counselling as an adult? I am assuming he is a similar age to you? Both genetics and reproductive medicine are very fast moving fields!

ItchyFeet

Funky_Bold_Ribena wrote: »

If you want kids and he can't give them to you then it's a bit of stalemate as you say and it's probably the cause of all your issues.

He isn't the only man in the world. Are you willing to give up the kids to stay with him; is the only question we need to ask?

Totally agree with this!

Person_one

justanopinion wrote: »

Yes. The eating side is mainly under control - I was first diagnosed, (and knew that I was) Bulimic when I was 13. It flared up very badly in my last year of Uni and I ended up moving home and completing an out-patient programme. I still have the thoughts, but they are generally under control.

I have ongoing support for the alcohol, but they are meetings for a couple of hours, twice a week. It's not enough. And because we have to face issues that make us drink, I actually end up coming out of them worst.

Sorry if I sound like I am blaming things. In patient treatment it very expensive, it's about 5k a week. I am stuck in such a rut and so miserable

PS - Yes, considering avoiding seeing the in-laws at Christmas. But I will just get told I am bitter. Well, yes, I am!!!!!!!! Sorry for that.

Where are you getting your support from? If its AA, then its not for everyone, and there are other options available.

~Chameleon~

Is there an Addaction group anywhere near you? They are very good at supporting alcohol (and drug) dependencies and offer counselling services to partners and family of addicts too. Well worth checking them out. Good luck x

marisco_2

justanopinion wrote: »

I have had a very tough year. I suffer badly from depression and will fully admit I have issues around alcohol and eating.

Okay this is a good start. Many people who have issues with depression, alcohol and eating wont even admit to themselves that a problem exists, let alone other people. How willing are you to approach appropriate health professionals and ask for continued help so as to resolve these over a long period of time?

This may sound harsh and easier said than done, but if you don't see yourself able to be with your partner long term then be honest with him about that now. To let him support you till you are fully back on your feet, and then turn round and say 'sorry we are over I want children' would be very unfair to him. I wish you well.

FBaby

In regards to the baby issue, the problem seems that you are on a different time zone. Finding out that you can't have a baby takes you through the same process as grieving a loss. He had years to go through the different stages, you are only beggining.

In the end, no one has a crystal ball to tell you whether leaving him would lead to relief or regret. I do know though that it is possible to feel the utter pain that comes with the prospect of never being a parent one day and feel perfectly ok with the idea months or years later. A friend of mine was desperate to have a baby until they discovered that her husband was infertile. They tried ivf but his sperm levels were so low, there was no chance of success. It was before icsi. She went through months of depression after many months of facing the roller coster of trying to conceive and thought many times of leaving her husband, but she loved him deeply and knew she couldn't replace by a chance of becoming a mother. She is now 50 and never been so happy. Yes, she would have loved to be a mum but she's totally moved on and is focussing on all the good things she gets to do because she isn't. They have a great life together and she can now appreciate how lucky she is to have her man (who is a wonderful man). I'm sure of someone had said to her at her worse depressive state that one day she would be ok with it all, she would have smack them in the face in frustration and disbelief, but she is there now.

tayforth

OP - are you sure of your own fertility?