Jealous, upset and no idea what to do

LJ9982

I think first and foremost, you need to get xmas out of the way and speak at length with the support agency and get on this detox programme. And if the eating issues come back, then these will be addressed at the same time - there is lots of support out there for both issues but bottom line is YOU have to do the work and have to be wanting to give up and get your life back.

A baby at the moment is not what you need to be considering - you need to get your life on track hun xx Alcohol/eating issues are dangerous to pregnancy, you would potentially harm your child

As you have said, your OH has flatly refused to consider any options - so you need to make your decision based on this. Has he been supportive ref your issues?

justanopinion

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Probably like a lot of people, I'd never heard of the syndrome your BF has, so I googled it and came across this http://www.theafa.org/blog/fertility-alert-new-hope-for-fatherhood-in-men-with-klinefelter-syndrome/ Now obviously you and your BF know best about his diagnosis, but has he been told for definite that there is nothing that can be done to help? Or has he not fully explored the options, is he taking it as a given?

Or, is it like others have said, he truely doesn't want children? If so, then you have to think long and hard about your future, starting with getting yourself some help regarding your drinking, then you can move forwards, but you need to sort that out before anything else.

Oh gosh, that's never been on any of the UK forums I looked at. Due to his diagnosis, we have never used any contraception. Maybe something would be possible then.

He does want children. He was told when he was 15 and hadn't reached puberty, so was taken for tests that confirmed it. Then made to have implants.

Thank you for googling it. I didn't want to just post and say, well, he is XXY as a genetic makeup. It doesn't make sense unless you look at it in more detail.

justanopinion

LJ9982 wrote: »

I think first and foremost, you need to get xmas out of the way and speak at length with the support agency and get on this detox programme. And if the eating issues come back, then these will be addressed at the same time - there is lots of support out there for both issues but bottom line is YOU have to do the work and have to be wanting to give up and get your life back.

A baby at the moment is not what you need to be considering - you need to get your life on track hun xx Alcohol/eating issues are dangerous to pregnancy, you would potentially harm your child

As you have said, your OH has flatly refused to consider any options - so you need to make your decision based on this. Has he been supportive ref your issues?

Very supportive on the whole. The alcohol has been a much later introduction.

Person_one

Its clear that your drinking is a very serious problem, is there a community alcohol team in your area, if there is they should be able to provide ongoing long term support not just the short term help of the detox.

Regarding your eating issues, have you spoken to anyone at BEAT or received any treatment for this in the past?

LJ9982

justanopinion wrote: »

Very supportive on the whole. The alcohol has been a much later introduction.

That's good - i am glad you have his support - you will need that going forward. I really wish you well in getting the help you need to kick the drink and get back on track hun xx

DigForVictory

Welcome to the other family you didn't know you had - the MSE family. Gives us time & you'll get facts, opinions, support, a right laugh, some bickering & yet never have to worry about Christmas or birthday presents.

Please, get back to the medics & get whatever help they can give you, with the drink, with the eating problems, with counselling.

Keep it simple - aim to survive Christmas. Mentally & physically. Then get the medical detox and everything else they can offer you to help get the eating issues managed. Then you can ask OH to consider what the medics can do to help.

Couples counselling would be a very sensible idea - as you will be looking at some variant of IVF & that is hell on wheels. It's very tough on a couple but you have the unspeakable advantage of youth.

All the very best of luck.

carolineb23

Does he perhaps not realise how serious you are about wanting children? It sounds to me like his refusal to go down an alternative route is because he is still beating himself up over his diagnosis. It sounds a bit like an all or nothing stance he is taking, maybe if he seriously considered the available options he might conclude that not losing you, and having the child(ren) he has always wanted albeit not biologically "his" wins over the alternative of having neither.

Daxx

My boyfriend has Klinefelters. Like you he told me when we first got together that children probably wouldn't happen.

He hasn't however been tested to see if he is infertile or not. This is something that they refuse to do until we have been trying for a year. We aren't at that stage yet so this will happen. He has been advised that there is a small chance IVF would work. This might be the same in your case.

It were hard for me when I was told but as I've spent more time with him I know that I am very happy. And the decision I have made is that I would rather be happy with him and have no biological children, than take the chance with someone else and then maybe have children but be unhappy.

Hope that sort of helps.

justanopinion

Person_one wrote: »

Its clear that your drinking is a very serious problem, is there a community alcohol team in your area, if there is they should be able to provide ongoing long term support not just the short term help of the detox.

Regarding your eating issues, have you spoken to anyone at BEAT or received any treatment for this in the past?

Yes. The eating side is mainly under control - I was first diagnosed, (and knew that I was) Bulimic when I was 13. It flared up very badly in my last year of Uni and I ended up moving home and completing an out-patient programme. I still have the thoughts, but they are generally under control.

I have ongoing support for the alcohol, but they are meetings for a couple of hours, twice a week. It's not enough. And because we have to face issues that make us drink, I actually end up coming out of them worst.

Sorry if I sound like I am blaming things. In patient treatment it very expensive, it's about 5k a week. I am stuck in such a rut and so miserable

PS - Yes, considering avoiding seeing the in-laws at Christmas. But I will just get told I am bitter. Well, yes, I am!!!!!!!! Sorry for that.

justanopinion

You're all making me want to weep.

Thank you so much for your help and understanding.

xx