Jealous, upset and no idea what to do

justanopinion

I don't know if I'm fertile or not, as I've never actually been in a position to find out.

Thanks for all the other posts. Xx

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

justanopinion wrote: »

Thank you for your comments so far.

It's such a catch 22 with drinking. I drink because it allows me to escape from what I feel. At the same time, it also makes things so much worse as I doubt or question what I feel and then decide, I only thought that because I was drinking.

Oh this is just so hard. I know he is not the only man in the world, but I have been with him for so long and I do honestly love him. He is the only man I have ever been with, as it were... I am not a catch looks or size wise - professionally, I used to have a very well-paid job, I have a degree etc. I don't need to worry about money at the moment, as the company I worked for went through IPO and I made enough to not have to stress whilst I try and sort my thoughts and feelings out.

This is far too much info I guess.

I honestly appreciate anything you wish to comment. I feel so alone and I cannot talk to him as he sees it as he's the one with the problem children wise. I've had problems for many years, but essentially replaced an eating disorder with alcohol as I got older.

It's not a Catch-22. If you were to stop drinking, many problems would simply disappear and the ones that didn't would be a whole lot easier to cope with.

If you were to miraculously become pregnant now, the drinking would be very likely to cause a miscarriage, foetal alcohol syndrome or result in any child being removed from your care. It also makes it impossible for you to be considered for adoption or fostering and damages your relationship. NOTHING is to be gained from drinking, but you stand to lose a hell of a lot more if you continue to do so.


Whatever else is going on in your life - drinking will never help with any of them.

littlerat

Alcohol is a depressant. That means over time it'll be ruining your body's ability to make serotonin and such, making you more depressed. It's not permanent, but it is why people with depression to begin with are more likely to become addicted, as over time you "need" the alcohol for the feelings it gives you. But there'll be a time when no amount is enough.

Once you can get off the alcohol, your brain chemistry will improve again - as you already suffered with depression, you may well need to be on anti-depressants. Talking therapies can be useful, but honestly sometimes, people need a chemical fix. They can give you enough of a boost to change your life.

So that's why you do need to get off the alcohol when you've got the help there after Christmas.


One thing to remember, is whilst there's no guarantees, you may well have 10+ years of fertility left. It's not a case that if you don't do it in the next 12 months, the chance is gone. You're more likely to need IVF, potentially, but equally plenty of women don't in their 40s.


I think you need to get your health sorted first though - sometimes when you're down you want a quick fix and if you're only now worrying, wanting a baby may be because you're desperate to be happy, rather than an actual desire for a child, if that makes sense.

Hope you get things under control

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

littlerat wrote: »

Alcohol is a depressant. That means over time it'll be ruining your body's ability to make serotonin and such, making you more depressed. It's not permanent, but it is why people with depression to begin with are more likely to become addicted, as over time you "need" the alcohol for the feelings it gives you. But there'll be a time when no amount is enough.

Once you can get off the alcohol, your brain chemistry will improve again - as you already suffered with depression, you may well need to be on anti-depressants. Talking therapies can be useful, but honestly sometimes, people need a chemical fix. They can give you enough of a boost to change your life.

So that's why you do need to get off the alcohol when you've got the help there after Christmas.


One thing to remember, is whilst there's no guarantees, you may well have 10+ years of fertility left. It's not a case that if you don't do it in the next 12 months, the chance is gone. You're more likely to need IVF, potentially, but equally plenty of women don't in their 40s.


I think you need to get your health sorted first though - sometimes when you're down you want a quick fix and if you're only now worrying, wanting a baby may be because you're desperate to be happy, rather than an actual desire for a child, if that makes sense.

Hope you get things under control

Yup.

Or you could look on it another way. Your house is on fire. Do you call the Fire Brigade for help and get out - or do you keep chucking more and more petrol down the stairs?

justanopinion

After being in the clinic for nearly 3 weeks I spent about the next six weeks as a day patient. I have been on anti depressants for over a year. They don't work as well with alcohol.

If I stop drinking it doesn't miraculously mean we will be able to have children though. The issue is still there. Addiction is hell.

lostinrates

justanopinion wrote: »

After being in the clinic for nearly 3 weeks I spent about the next six weeks as a day patient. I have been on anti depressants for over a year. They don't work as well with alcohol.

If I stop drinking it doesn't miraculously mean we will be able to have children though. The issue is still there. Addiction is hell.

A d if you have children the addiction doesn't disappear either. You are just a tired mother with an unhappy kid and an addition problem.


That's why whatever you decide next, the getting dry/clean and healthy is the first step.

justanopinion

I know in my heart that's true. I am just so frightened.

Sorry for the shorter posts, I'm on my phone now.

prowla

I have to say that I think the other half is right.

justanopinion

What do you mean, Prowla?

Person_one

justanopinion wrote: »

I know in my heart that's true. I am just so frightened.

Sorry for the shorter posts, I'm on my phone now.

Sorry to go armchair psychologist on you here, but it sounds as though you aren't yet desperate and motivated to stop drinking. The inpatient detox will get you over the physical addiction but if you aren't ready to deal with the much tougher months afterwards, it will be a waste of time.

Did you mention earlier where you were getting your support from, the twice weekly sessions? Maybe you need some more intensive/more expert help or counselling ahead of a detox so that you are more prepared for it and can get to a point where you really want it to succeed?