Advice urgently needed - what would you do?

duchy

I'm sitting here steaming for you.

My son attended and I worked in a school which "Didn't have a bullying problem" . Obviously as I worked in the school (but stayed well clear of my son's classes as is policy) I had a bit of an inside view. It wasn't unusual to have kids come to me to tell me another child was been bullied and they'd reported it and been ignored. They knew I would follow up and the heads of year got to know if I brought an issue to them I'd already looked into it and it had substance and I'd be back to find out what they'd done !! I had teachers telling me my own son was been bullied -when I asked them what THEY had done about it (me-LSA -you teacher -DUH) they said things like "Well we can't really do anything.. I've repiorted it to SLT and they don't back us up"

This school CHOSE to ignore the bullying problem it had......The tone comes from the SLT in all schools-if they don't want to know it doesn't get dealt with - however if a school makes it clear it won't be tolerated -it makes a massive difference. I moved my son to a school who instead of saying "We don't have a bullying problem" said "All schools have a problem with this-but we deal with it" The difference was incredible.

Move him - The thing that makes it very clear this is a failure of the school is the fact that these same children don't bully at football.....simply because they know such behaviour will have consequences there - whereas at school there aren't consequences.

gwynlas

Firstly have a discussion, away from other responsibilties, with your son, allowing him to vocalise clearly without interuption and ask him what he would like to happen ie to change school or confront bullying.Then try to get at root cause, what are they doing/saying? Is he perceived as different in any way are they calling him ginger? gay? swot? what does he believe they are picking on? I was bullied at school but had already come out as gay age 12 in the ,70's for friends it was a 5 mkinute wonder because of the pop stars of the day but it ,gave certain bullies a field day. Less pc times so no where to take it then didn't come out to parents until 16 met up more recently with school friend who hadn't come out himself until 19 at uni had just been quiet and studious. ,As your son is really into football perhaps he can excel there, would he be interested in taking up another sport. It is as well time to find out who his true friends are does he mix with any of them outside of school? You and husband have to put aside your own perceptions and simply support your son at this difficult time. He will not want to be outed as a victim, in letters or articles in local press as this could follow him elsewhere. However you can and should ,confront school in ,whatever way necessary in order to make the take bullying seriously.Cuts and grazes from sticks and stones are very visible but name calling can cause serious mental health issues.

Poppie68

My daughter was bullied and beaten up 3 times at school when she was 14, i was a frequent visitor to the headmistress but nothing ever got better or even happened to the bullies.

After the 1st time she was beaten i called the police who came round and took an intensive statement from my daughter and visited the school and spoke to the headmistress who promised all kinds of action..nothing happened or changed and my daughter was made out to be over reacting by the school.

She was beaten up again twice in one day, i called the police who again paid a visit to the school first thing the next morning and issued them with a warning, and bascially told them to get their house in order or action was going to be taken. I had kept my daughter off that day and for the following day and not once did the school have the deceny to call her at home, she never went back.

The education authority threatened to take me to court and that i would either end up with a fine or in prison, i threatened to take them to court and sue the !!!! of them for failing in their duty of care towards my daughter (some schools seem to have a knack at protecting bullies).

She was home schooled from this point and was able to attend another school to sit her exams.

Op don't waste anytime messing around with the school, take your son out know and arrange homeschooling, the relief to him and yourself will be immense..sometimes trying to 'fight' the system and the bullies can end up causing just as much damage.

LannieDuck

OP, I would have kicked up a stick about this long ago. The school is ignoring the problem and hoping it will go away, and your son is suffering because of it.

Get a copy of the school's anti-bullying policy and make an appointment with the headteacher asap. Write a list of incidents and your attempts to get some action from the school, then ask the headteacher what the school is going to do to address the bullying your son has been suffering.

Make a complaint about the drama teacher.

Find out how to switch schools and visit some, explicitly asking about their anti-bullying policies. If the current headteacher is ineffective, you'll be ready to move son to a school where bullying is dealt with rather than brushed under the carpet.

(If headteacher does ignore the issue, you could always try the governers, but frankly I would get son out of there since it'll be an uphill battle to make them take action if head isn't interested.)

There is a chance the bullying may follow your son to a new school, but it's only a chance. If you leave him where he is, you know the bullying will continue. The best help you can give him is to put him in an environment where bullying won't be tolerated - whether that's getting his current school to take action, or moving him to a school that will, or home-schooling him.

Morglin

animalhouse wrote: »

I've posted before about DS being bullied at school, but things seemed to have quietened down.

However, it turns out that over the last two months things have taken off again, culminating with DS sitting on the stairs tonight in floods of tears, sobbing and it all came out - he is being excluded from his circle of friends in the playground and during classes, is being beaten up regularly at school - and his friends join in (!) and to top it off, one of his teachers joined in with the bullying during a drama class.

I thought something was going on because he suddenly stopped walking to school with his usual group and has been very moody.

He is so hurt because the main bully joined his circle of friends and now they have all turned against him - even as far as not letting him play with them online (PS3).

I've spoken to the school time and time again but his head of year is convinced that the bullying is just 'banter'. Even when DS ended up having to have a scan for neck injury when he was beaten up in the playground, she insisted it was banter.

I really feel it is time to move schools but DH is unsure, thinking that the bullying might just follow him.

DS is so, so unhappy and I feel helpless - he's at football practice and I'm here in tears... any advice would be so much appreciated.

Keep him at home until either the school sort things out properly, or you can find him another school.

Tell the school what you are doing, and that if they wish to get lairy about him not attending, you will contact the media/take legal advice (this usually wakes them up!)

The LEA should be able to advise you.

Lin

MothballsWallet

fluffnutter wrote: »

Madness. Shocking that there are still schools out there that don't take bullying seriously. Have you discussed this with the Head? If so, then take kid out of school, complain about school's lackadaisical attitude to the board of governors and the local education authority.

This - and I'd go at least one step further by copying the letter to Ofsted and my MP. Hopefully, it would go on the school's record for the Ofsted inspector to check on their next visit.

Hell, Michigan, it might even trigger additional Ofsted visits, hopefully making the staff change their underwear more often

pollypenny

As a retired teacher, I am appalled at that drama teacher!

Drama is one lesson where a teacher, aware of some friendship issue, could use groups and roles to improve a bad situation.

You need to speak to the head, mentioning the attitude of the head of year, too.

It's also worth trying to get to the root of it from your son. Is it that he likes different things to them? Has he boasted on occasions or been spiteful?

rpc

I would write a letter to the head detailing the whole saga. Keep is objective and unemotive (bullet points might be useful). Copy that letter to the governers, LEA and Ofsted and your MP. Where teacher's have been unprofessional, you can lodge a complaint with Ofsted yourself. The additional copies will worry the school - they own't like the attention. It sounds like the usual brush-under-the-carpet "we don't have bullying here" approach.

In parallel, speak to the police. The law is being broken and assault is being committed. If a group of adults started beating up another, we'd think it a police matter. It makes no difference that these are kids, even though some will dismiss it on that basis.

Do the above whether or not you move schools - I would, and I would make sure every school/LEA knew why. You need to protect your child, but you should also try to make sure that nobody else has to suffer when your child leaves.

FatVonD

I haven't read all the replies but you need to take him out of that school.

Moving my son was the best thing I ever did, I wish I'd moved my son sooner. There was still bullying at times at the new school but it was dealt with so much better.

FatVonD

Poppie68 wrote: »

(some schools seem to have a knack at protecting bullies).

This is so true, I personally think they are scared of the bully's parents and it's easier to keep trying to placate the parents of the one that's being bullied.