Advice urgently needed - what would you do?

Carl31

mountainofdebt wrote: »

I can't believe that the teachers are condoning the bullying......I think I would be camped in the reception monday morning if that had happened to Junior.

OP I think you need to spend this weekend thinking of ALL the alternatives as it seems that this school is not the environment for your son....and the sooner your OH realises that the better.

The teachers at the school will see and know what's going on. They will know the children and the types of things that could be construed as bullying.

Sometimes, when things don't go the way we like, it feels like the world and everyone in it are against us. Thing is, who is truly going to help? Others, or yourself?

busiscoming2

Your first port of call IMO should be the actual head of the school as ultimately it is their responsibility and put in an official complaint about the drama teacher. Might be worth calling the LEA and find out about the process of changing schools and seeing who has spaces etc and perhaps line up some visits.

I have known people move their secondary children because of bullying and it hasn't followed them, but I don't know if they had 'outside' activities together.

fluffnutter

animalhouse wrote: »

I've spoken to the school time and time again but his head of year is convinced that the bullying is just 'banter'.

Madness. Shocking that there are still schools out there that don't take bullying seriously. Have you discussed this with the Head? If so, then take kid out of school, complain about school's lackadaisical attitude to the board of governors and the local education authority.

paulineb_2

Carl31 wrote: »

The teachers at the school will see and know what's going on. They will know the children and the types of things that could be construed as bullying.

Sometimes, when things don't go the way we like, it feels like the world and everyone in it are against us. Thing is, who is truly going to help? Others, or yourself?

The teachers arent doing anything about it though. As I said above my mum is a teacher of 40 years and there is a zero tolerance policy in her classroom re bullying, any incidents get dealt with, with the aid of senior staff if necessary

Kids shouldnt have to help themselves. When I started being bullied, by a girl who was bigger than me, heavier than me, she terrified me. Teachers knew and did nothing. She came from a very dysfunctional family and I bet I wasnt the only person she bullied, but when she threatened to drown me, I told my mum and she had very strong words with her and thats when it stopped.

I think I was about 9 or 10 when it started. And 35 years on, Ive never forgotten it. Kids cant deal with gangs very well, its tough enough dealing with one bully and no child should go to school to be publicly humiliated like that child was in the drama class.

Its the people who are doing the bullying who are in the wrong here. Its hard to help yourself when you are being excluded and are up against a gang of extremely unpleasant children by the sounds of it.

How schools deal with this issue, can make a massive difference.

mountainofdebt

Carl31 wrote: »

The teachers at the school will see and know what's going on. They will know the children and the types of things that could be construed as bullying.

Sometimes, when things don't go the way we like, it feels like the world and everyone in it are against us. Thing is, who is truly going to help? Others, or yourself?

Firstly I will agree that none of us were in the classroom so we only have a third hand version of what was said/happened but, assuming events were roughly as described, do you think that was an appropriate way for the drama teacher to teach the class? In my day classrooms weren't a democracy.

Carl31

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Firstly I will agree that none of us were in the classroom so we only have a third hand version of what was said/happened but, assuming events were roughly as described, do you think that was an appropriate way for the drama teacher to teach the class? In my day classrooms weren't a democracy.

No, but we are assuming things are as described. The point I was making is that when we are down, things that may be a joke or said in jest can be taken out of context or confused. Do you really think a teacher would pick on a single child? If so, why this boy? Why not all the hundreds of others they teach? its just odd that during a spell when the boy is feeling low anyway, a teacher has then also decided to join in with everyone else?

lika_86

Firstly, the fact that he's telling you is a good thing.

If it was me though and anyone was that unhappy at school, I'd pull him out until you can sort out somewhere else for him. Too many children feel like there is no other way out and unfortunately commit suicide over bullying. You need to give him another way out.

Call the school, ask for some work to tide him over until you can get him somewhere else, at least it's December so I imagine the school is winding down a bit for Christmas. Then he could hopefully make a new start in the new year.

Carl31

paulineb wrote: »

The teachers arent doing anything about it though. As I said above my mum is a teacher of 40 years and there is a zero tolerance policy in her classroom re bullying, any incidents get dealt with, with the aid of senior staff if necessary

Kids shouldnt have to help themselves. When I started being bullied, by a girl who was bigger than me, heavier than me, she terrified me. Teachers knew and did nothing. She came from a very dysfunctional family and I bet I wasnt the only person she bullied, but when she threatened to drown me, I told my mum and she had very strong words with her and thats when it stopped.

I think I was about 9 or 10 when it started. And 35 years on, Ive never forgotten it. Kids cant deal with gangs very well, its tough enough dealing with one bully and no child should go to school to be publicly humiliated like that child was in the drama class.

Its the people who are doing the bullying who are in the wrong here. Its hard to help yourself when you are being excluded and are up against a gang of extremely unpleasant children by the sounds of it.

How schools deal with this issue, can make a massive difference.

I get your point. But to deal with bullying, there has to be bullying to deal with. What someone classes as bullying may not be seen as bullying by the school, but be perceived as bullying by the individual.

I could walk out the front door this morning and decide that everyone I walk past is trying to kill me, that doesn't mean the police should start arresting everyone, what they would do is investigate and probably decide I had a screw loose.

Maybe this young lad is feeling low as his so called friends have changed their attitude and he feels alone. Its not his fault, but this can and does happen st school. I went through a similar phase. If hisnold friends are being off with him, maybe its time to move on to someone who won't be. But the point is, are they bullying, or are they having a bit of a laddish dig, we don't know? But the school might have a better view

paulineb_2

Carl31 wrote: »

No, but we are assuming things are as described. The point I was making is that when we are down, things that may be a joke or said in jest can be taken out of context or confused. Do you really think a teacher would pick on a single child? If so, why this boy? Why not all the hundreds of others they teach? its just odd that during a spell when the boy is feeling low anyway, a teacher has then also decided to join in with everyone else?

Teachers dont pick on a single child? I bet some teachers do.

From the incident the way it was described, it didnt sound much like jest to me.

paulineb_2

Carl31 wrote: »

I get your point. But to deal with bullying, there has to be bullying to deal with. What someone classes as bullying may not be seen as bullying by the school, but be perceived as bullying by the individual.

I could walk out the front door this morning and decide that everyone I walk past is trying to kill me, that doesn't mean the police should start arresting everyone, what they would do is investigate and probably decide I had a screw loose.

Maybe this young lad is feeling low as his so called friends have changed their attitude and he feels alone. Its not his fault, but this can and does happen st school. I went through a similar phase. If hisnold friends are being off with him, maybe its time to move on to someone who won't be. But the point is, are they bullying, or are they having a bit of a laddish dig, we don't know? But the school might have a better view

Until you have evidence otherwise, you believe the person who is being bullied.

Its isolating enough to be bullied without people thinking that youve somehow got it wrong or in some way done something to deserve it.

And I speak as an adult who was bullied for many years in jobs to the point my health failed and I changed career.

I'll say again, people kill themselves due to bullying, it should be taken seriously. Zero tolerance. If my mum witnesses an incident, its dealt with, but if another child suggests that they are being bullied, in the playground for example, that is also investigated.
Kids can be cruel, horrible to one another. It does not matter if a child is quiet or sensitive for example, it still does not give people the licence to bully them. I was a quiet child and Im not the loudest person on the planet still, but I found my voice, after a lot of years of being treated very badly. Ive encountered so many people over the years who think its acceptable to bully and harass others.

There are people who get to the end of their tether due to bullying not being taken seriously in schools. As I said before, theres an Izzy Dix memorial page, I think she was 16 years old, she hung herself earlier in the year due to ongoing bullying at her school and her mum and other supporters are trying to raise awareness of the issue.

The resource bullyonline, even though its aimed at people suffering in the workplace, might help.

If you perceive it, then at that moment, its real to you and that incident that was described with the drama teacher sounds awful.

Oh and if 100 people were bullying one young person, it doesnt mean that there has to be something wrong with that young person because more of them are bullying than there are of him or her.
There are a lot of nasty, immature people who like to be in cliques or gangs and its easier to go with the majority rather than stand up and be counted.