Advice urgently needed - what would you do?

animalhouse

I think it's the right way to go. I've given the school so many chances and I feel that they are giving the bullies permission to carry on by calling it banter.

One of the things he's had to put up with is being punched or kicked and then the boys jeering at him saying go on then, tell on us snitch....
it seems that us telling him to let a teacher know when he's being bullied has backfired in a big way. I spoke to one of the Mums who became very agressive and said that DS was a cry baby and a tell tale and no wonder all the boys (in the football team) hated him - so no support there. Unfortunately DS and DH won't hear of him stopping football.

I'm not upset anymore - I'm seething!

poet123

You must be very upset. Have you gone through all the channels at school? Head, Chair of Governors?

Kids can be so cruel and it is often the most sensitive kids who bear the brunt of that cruelty. Can your son tell you what the other kids are saying? How the excluding usually starts, how the physical issues begin? Is there a ringleader?

What does you son want to do? Is there another school close by? There are lots of variables here. It is an awful situation but you will get through it.

animalhouse

It's not true that all the boys on the football team hate him - it's just the ones from school and they do behave at football. I don't want to deprive him of his other footy friends.

meritaten

animalhouse - if DS is still enjoying football its unlikely that he is getting bullied THERE! the problem is within this school! and I would get him out of there ASAP.
I am sending you a PM if that's ok

animalhouse

He says that he doesn't know who the ringleaders are (but I don't believe him) and that he can't tell who has hit him first, but that they then all join in.

He ususally sits with a group of his friends in class, but they have now said that he is not to sit at their tables. This led to him looking for a new table to sit at and the whole class saying that they didn't want him at their tables. This happened in Literacy, history and then in PE no-one would pick him for their rugby team, even though he was the last man left, both teams said they didn't want him. I don't know how the teacher handled that.

In Drama today, DS again wasn't allowed to sit with his usual 'friends' so sat at a different table learning his part. One of the bullies came over and told him that he wasn't that part any more, he (the bully was it). DS told the teacher, who said to the whole class, "Let's have a democratic vote, who wants DS to be .....?" Whereupon the class all shouted "No-one!" and the teacher told DS to sit down. He told me that he then became very upset and ended up in trouble for that.

I am going to make a complaint about that.

TBH the more I think about the situation the angrier I feel. I've left a message for the headmaster asking for a meeting.

animalhouse

Thank you Meritaten, I so appreciate it.

marisco_2

Your sons school has a duty of care toward him. I am amazed that a head of year would refer to what you describe is happening to your son as being banter. If his teacher were joining in with this bullying then that is serious misconduct. If I were you I would be arranging a meeting with the Head teacher as soon as possible and address everything.

I can understand you wanting to transfer your son to a new school. Unfortunately it is most likely he is going to come across others of the same vein to the bullies he knows now. Every school has them. You cant run away from problems and unless he learns how to handle himself and deal with this kind of situation then he will encounter bullying again.

grey_lady

I really think you should tell him that he doesn't have to go back there on Monday, it sounds like there's a good chance he could get hurt at some point. Other better schools will deal with bullying far more effectively and what chance does he have of getting a good education if he's worried about being bullied?

However - with homeschooling, don't write it off - lots of people do it and there are home-schooling groups in most towns that meet up for things like science and computing clubs so isolation really isn't an issue. If you want to consider it then try and find your local group and have a chat with them. I used to think that you would have to be quite ignorant to think that a parent could do a better job of schooling than a school could - but recently i've seen that a lot of people who i really respect homeschool which has made me reconsider.

slightlyconfused1

We are experiencing the same sort of thing with ds age 9. The school dismiss the physical aggression as "part of the game" even though he is cut and clothes ripped. Last time we had a meeting with school it emerged that they were treating each episode as an isolated incident rather than a continued campaign.

I genuinely feel that the problems in the playground are made worse by the staff who are very young and feel that aggression and physical bullying is just part of the game. The trouble with that is that as kids always push their boundaries things get out of hand really quickly when there are no boundaries in place.

I haven't got the answer but just wanted to let you know that you are not alone and I completely understand you anger and frustration (and tears).

Noctu

animalhouse wrote: »

He says that he doesn't know who the ringleaders are (but I don't believe him) and that he can't tell who has hit him first, but that they then all join in.

He ususally sits with a group of his friends in class, but they have now said that he is not to sit at their tables. This led to him looking for a new table to sit at and the whole class saying that they didn't want him at their tables. This happened in Literacy, history and then in PE no-one would pick him for their rugby team, even though he was the last man left, both teams said they didn't want him. I don't know how the teacher handled that.

In Drama today, DS again wasn't allowed to sit with his usual 'friends' so sat at a different table learning his part. One of the bullies came over and told him that he wasn't that part any more, he (the bully was it). DS told the teacher, who said to the whole class, "Let's have a democratic vote, who wants DS to be .....?" Whereupon the class all shouted "No-one!" and the teacher told DS to sit down. He told me that he then became very upset and ended up in trouble for that.

I am going to make a complaint about that.

TBH the more I think about the situation the angrier I feel. I've left a message for the headmaster asking for a meeting.

I am so sorry to read this. This brings back very similar memories of my own school days for me.
All I can advise you to do is raise merry hell and look at moving schools (make enquiries at the same time) if it doesn't get sorted.
Good luck.