Rebuilding Trust...

Cottage_Economy

I think you're a very brave man for continuing your relationship with your wife. My husband would have been requested to leave immediately until I had decided whether he was worth the effort of me staying with him and faithful to him. When my trust is shaken to the core like that by a premeditated act, it's a lucky person that stays in my life. I don't say that lightly. I have cut two people out of my life for treating me poorly, one of whom was an boyfriend who I'd been with for 10 years and I still loved him, but he was bad for me and giving me the runaround.

I agree with what Mrs Drink said in post 52: *** You remember you're married and the rest doesn't follow.***

I wonder where you'd both be now if this man continued to stay in contact with her after they slept together, instead of doing the deed and turning his back on her. Would you still be together, or would she be with him now?

System

I know someone who was advised by several organizations to bail out of her marriage but didn't for the sake of a peice of paper and the fact she was weak

Her kids suffered for it.

fluffnutter

Judi wrote: »

I know someone who was advised by several organizations to bail out of her marriage but didn't for the sake of a peice of paper and the fact she was weak

Her kids suffered for it.

I don't disagree with your sentiment Judi, but I'm not sure that women who choose to stay in marriages are simply 'weak'. It's not usually that straightforward.

I heard a heartbreaking programme on R4 a few weeks ago about women who were, for various reasons, apart from their kids. One woman said that if she for a moment realised that leaving her husband would have put her in the position she was in (unable to be with her kids much) she'd have never left. She felt it was too high a price to pay. Obviously most relationship splits aren't that dramatic and most parents see their children regularly but even so, I can totally understand when someone feels that not being with their children full time is worse than staying together despite being unhappy. It's sad that for some people they're the only two options.

Caroline_a

GwylimT wrote: »

Children normally mimic the relationships of their parents, if you want your children to remain in an unhappy relationship as adults carry on, if you want your children to learn that their feelings have any worth, you need to split up.

^^^^^^ this

System

Children normally mimic the relationships of their parents, if you want your children to remain in an unhappy relationship as adults carry on, if you want your children to learn that their feelings have any worth, you need to split up.

I agree.:T

Waney_B

Judi,

I fully understand and I have said I would give it until 31 Dec to see how things go.

I have often pondered how I would be if I moved out, taking the other fork in the junction of life. I currently I see about £150 a month of my wages, however after the CSA has been taken out if I moved out, I would have just under £2000 a month.

My wife only has me to lose, I have my wife and children to lose.

houseimprover

I never get this 'we'll stay together for the kids' rubbish, only going to make a bad situation worse.

ubergeek69

Hi Matey, sorry to hear what you're going through as I have gone through exactly what you are experiencing. IMO, I agree with the "not your fault" part but why do you think you are a contributing factor ? Why couldn't she just talk in the fist place instead of going in the direction of some other guy ? As long as there is no emotional or physical abuse, you are NOT at fault ! I feel for you mate but from someone who's been there, light is at the end of the tunnel. You have to do what you think is right, people will offer suggestions and advice but at the end of the day you do what is right for you. I also have two kids and after her affair I just lost all trust and gave up, not saying that's going to happen to you as everyone's situation is different but I am far happier now I am out of a toxic situation, kids are happier as they now know exactly whats going on. We tried to work it out but it never happened as I never trusted her, always questioning where she was, what she was doing which made it worse. Hope things work out for you.

System

Just an update, we are still together. Its been difficult and the smallest of arguments turn into a mud slinging match. We have not been right for 2-3 years and staying together for the children.

Its different now, I have to make sure that I am happy, as the children will always be around..

Are you still working away?

GwylimT

Waney_B wrote: »

Judi,

I fully understand and I have said I would give it until 31 Dec to see how things go.

I have often pondered how I would be if I moved out, taking the other fork in the junction of life. I currently I see about £150 a month of my wages, however after the CSA has been taken out if I moved out, I would have just under £2000 a month.

My wife only has me to lose, I have my wife and children to lose.

So if you left your wife you are saying you would also walk away from your children?