Rebuilding Trust...

Waney_B

^^

Cheers. This post was really helpful.

gt568

Okay then, everything is going to be cool. She'll never do it again.

Good luck man, you're gonna need it.:beer:

dandelionclock30

I think shes fed up and bored of you and has moved onto someone elce who can give her what she wants. Do yourself a favour and let her go and move on and try and find someone more suitable.
Im sorry but it doesnt sound like she wants you.

marisco_2

Waney_B wrote: »

Now, I have answers to find inside me..

Does she really love me.? As this is not an act of love.
Did she really regret it afterwards? Why not tell me Asap?
Did she tell me because she wanted too, or because she was caught out? I was closing in on her, the last proof was the SatNav Postcode.
Is she still with me as she is scared she wont find anyone else?
Am I better off separating and starting again?

You sound tortured and tormented. All I can say is that if you were in a relationship worth being in, you would never have been put in the position of having to ask yourself these questions.

Netwizard

Waney_B wrote: »

^^

Cheers. This post was really helpful.

Its an opinion you can't discount as never happening!

FBaby

I don't think you are sucker at all. I think what your wife has told will ring very true to many wives. Women are more likely to want more of what the relationship was like when first meeting, whereas men are more likely to be happy to ditch that part for a settled relationship with some 'I don't have to tell you that I love you every day, you know I do'. I think many men are also not very good at listening to their wives trying to explain the above because it comes across as moaning, often during conflicting arguments and that is not very productive.

If the above is correct, then good on you for looking also at yourself and where you might have gone wrong. Still, it is never just all about one person doing wrong and so she definitely need to do the same herself. The fact that both of you are prepared to have counselling is very positive.

I think you could make it work, however, the key part will be whether you are both prepared to continue the efforts in time and not go back to settling again to an easy life where you don't communicate to a proper level, which is especially essential if you are going to be working away and therefore are limited in the time you share together.

Good luck.

rpc

Waney_B wrote: »

I did not get to see the text messages, nor the WhatsApp chats. It would be nice to have had a look and see what was exactly said etc for final closure, it seems that its the missing piece of the Jigsaw.

If that is what it takes for you to find peace, that is what she needs to provide. For some people, it is enough to know that it happened. For others, they need to know every little detail and go in with the magnifying glass. Anything less and they can't get back the trust.

It's a very personal thing - if what you need is complete and utter full disclosure including access to electronics, then that is what she should give. If she really is sorry, she should agree. If she doesn't then either she is hiding something or she doesn't fully appreciate what she has done.

If/when you get back to a position of trust the "intrusion" would need to stop but it can be part of the initial process.

My wife tells me she regrets it, loves me, wants to stay with me, tells me that i have changed for the good, never wants it to happen again etc..

Do you think she really does want to move on? Or is she happy living the married lifestyle but when she wants excitement she can find another bloke and bounce around on his knob in a hotel room that marital money has paid for?

There's nothing wrong with giving a second chance. But if you do, you truly need to believe that this is behind you. Don't spend the rest of your life always wondering what she's up to and worrying that she is at it again. There's also nothing wrong with walking away now.

Waney_B

Hi All,

Just an update, we are still together. Its been difficult and the smallest of arguments turn into a mud slinging match. We have not been right for 2-3 years and staying together for the children.

Its different now, I have to make sure that I am happy, as the children will always be around..

GwylimT

Waney_B wrote: »

Hi All,

Just an update, we are still together. Its been difficult and the smallest of arguments turn into a mud slinging match. We have not been right for 2-3 years and staying together for the children.

Its different now, I have to make sure that I am happy, as the children will always be around..

Children normally mimic the relationships of their parents, if you want your children to remain in an unhappy relationship as adults carry on, if you want your children to learn that their feelings have any worth, you need to split up.

fluffnutter

Waney_B wrote: »

Hi All,

Just an update, we are still together. Its been difficult and the smallest of arguments turn into a mud slinging match. We have not been right for 2-3 years and staying together for the children.

Its different now, I have to make sure that I am happy, as the children will always be around..

They will always be around. Whether their parents are together or not. Perhaps they'd prefer two happy ones rather than ones who argue all the time.