Mum showing up unannounced - have I been unfair?

delain

Fen1 wrote: »

I 'm, sorry if this offends, but:

if I were your mother and walked in on you having sex I would be mortified. ( I'd never walk in unannounced again!) To do so 3 Times suggests there might be something wrong with her. There are good psychological and sociological reasons why parent/child sex issues are so icky.
Does your mother have other boundary issues? Is she 'peculiar' in other ways?
Walking in repeatedly whilst her daughter is having sex is not normal, and her current living situation is no excuse.

I don't think the OP's mum wants to catch them at it :eek:

I think the timings of each visit were probably different, and OP's mum probably not expecting them to ave such an 'active' love life!

Any

delain wrote: »

I don't think the OP's mum wants to catch them at it :eek:

I think the timings of each visit were probably different, and OP's mum probably not expecting them to ave such an 'active' love life!

I don't think that is an excuse..
If I caught someone at it once, I would pre arranged every visit, then text them I am setting off and then text them I just parked, before even coming knocking on the door!!:rotfl::rotfl:

I do think that to "expect" anyones sex life to be what ever anyway IS peculiar in itself...:rotfl:

maman

I think the obvious answer is to lock the door even when you're at home. There are special circumstances at the moment but there's security to think of too. Burglars love the time coming up to Christmas as they hope to get a stash of gifts too.


My DD lives a mile away and we have keys to each others houses. That's mainly for letting in trades or watering the garden on holiday etc.


Our doors are the sort you can't open without a key. When DD calls here she tends to text first if she specifically needs to see either of us. If she's coming round to 'use' the house (like my tumble drier) then she would let herself in but probably text anyway.


I know she always knocks first (especially if the car's in the drive) but will let herself in when she thinks nobody's at home.


If I go to her house unannounced I knock and if no reply I just go away, my fault for not checking first.


I think the difference is that, in my mind, her house is hers whereas I still like to think she treats our house as her family home.

Alpha58

geri1965 wrote: »

You should be locking your doors anyway if you are upstairs at it. Next time it could be a burglar, not your mother.

Quite agree. If you are otherwise engaged you should lock the doors - unless you are at it in the kitchen, in which case you need to draw the curtains as well!

Seriously though, I had a MIL who started letting herself in when we had just moved into a new house - OH had foolishly given her a key which was taken as a free entry ticket. After the first couple of times, just put on the security chain. It soon stopped!

FatVonD

She sounds like my mum, not only did she turn up unannounced on what was our honeymoon (she doesn't have key though!) she also turned up uninvited at my inlaws house having only met them once before :eek:

Georgiegirl256

balletshoes wrote: »

erm - I do, with my close family and best friends, after I've knocked and the door is unlocked. They can do the same with me, its not a problem for us (or some others on this thread apparently ).

We just knock and walk in too, my BIL doesn't even knock, just walks in, hence why doors should be locked if needs be. I just walk into my parents and MIL houses too. I think the OP's gone about this all wrong tbh, and should have put down some ground rules from the start if this is how she is feeling.

I fell sorry for the OP's Mam. If she wasn't told any different until recently, how's she meant to know? As someone has already pointed out, she's not a mind reader!

lushlifesaver

Rev wrote: »

I seem to be in the minority but I'd be utterly mortified if my mum felt the need to let me know/ask if she was popping over.

When my mum was alive, had I had my own place (I was her carer so lived with her) she'd have had a key and would have been welcome to come and go as she pleased.

My best friend and one of my auntys have a key to my house now and is be really insulted if they asked of they could come over. My friend will txt 'are you in I'm on my way'. She lets herself in when she arrives.

I find it strange you ask your mother to check she's okay to visit you.

We fall in to this camp too - I have keys for my parents home (front door and French doors) and for my bf's parents home, his parents have keys to ours and mine will just as soon as I remember to get a new set cut!

We all mostly keep our doors locked but we also don't get up to any hanky panky during the day...well not to my knowledge anyway! I let myself in to my parents when I visit on Saturdays as I arrive at about 7.15 am so hey are still asleep - I make fresh coffee and breakfast in time for their alarms though And when necessary we let ourselves in to bf's parents (dropping things off/picking bits up/checking on the dogs). His parents are welcome to let themselves in to ours anytime, bf goes away a lot so it is good for me security wise to know another set of keys is just 5 minutes walk away and they can check on me/the dog/do little jobs etc when needed.

Back to the topic in hand though, I think the solutions to your problem are very clear:

• lock your back door - for securities sake if nothing else
• talk to your mum as a peer, don't lecture or grump have an grown up discussion about it
• let your sister know how your mum is feeling.
• Maybe let your mum know if there's any days when you and bf are out all day so she can spend sometime somewhere quieter and have some peace of her own with her cat
• make an effort with her, her home has been damaged, she is displaced and she is away from her cat

Also, do you really think she needs to/expect her to schedule appointments to see her cat. Poor woman; after a house fire, feeling very displaced and probably lonely that she even needs to do that

Georgiegirl256

Fen1 wrote: »

I 'm, sorry if this offends, but:

if I were your mother and walked in on you having sex I would be mortified. ( I'd never walk in unannounced again!) To do so 3 Times suggests there might be something wrong with her. There are good psychological and sociological reasons why parent/child sex issues are so icky.
Does your mother have other boundary issues? Is she 'peculiar' in other ways?
Walking in repeatedly whilst her daughter is having sex is not normal, and her current living situation is no excuse.

How's she meant to know they're having sex? I don't think she times her visits to catch them at it! :rotfl:

Bit harsh to call her peculiar IMO. What's going in in YOUR mind to even think such a thing, that's just plain wrong, insinuating that the mother is a perve. :eek:

melanzana

itsanne wrote: »

Back door unlocked, "interrupted" three times :eek:?

Why on earth did you not think to lock the door after the first time? Problem solved .

I got as far as this post and it seems to me that the OP may be winding us up.

Imagine, in this day and age, leaving your door unlocked when upstairs sleeping or whatever!

I don't care what anyone thinks, it is an automatic thing to be safe indoors in this day and age.

Ridiculous this. And I don't believe anyone could leave ANY door unlocked, unless they are in view of it, if you get me. Especially if unannounced visitors are driving you mad!

Ah here...must be a joke.

Any

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

How's she meant to know they're having sex? I don't think she times her visits to catch them at it! :rotfl:

Perhaps they should have a sign on the front door..
WE ARE HAVING SEX

She is not supposed to read mind... that is why one should respect another's privacy.

Poor boyfriend... If my father in law just walked on me when I for example am getting out of a shower... oh just the thought!!:eek: