Mum showing up unannounced - have I been unfair?

balletshoes

caeler wrote: »

I would have thought your mum would have realised she shouldn't just let herself in unannounced after the first couple of times of catching you 'at it'. I would be furious. I have a key to my mums house but she always knows when I'm popping over and roughly what time I'm expected so I use my key. If its an impromptu visit (which is incredibly rare because I dislike impromptu myself) then I ring the bell and wait for the door to be answered. I hope she see's sense.

edited as OP doesn't lock her door - otherwise my answer would agree with the above quoted post.

balletshoes

Dunroamin wrote: »

Used you to pop round to your mother's place or did you ring first to make an appointment?

thats not the same thing as using a key to unlock the door when you're just popping in though. But in this case, the OP doesn't lock her door, so I'd agree, I don't think theres anything wrong in her mum popping round and sticking her head round the door - thats what i do at my mum's.

balletshoes

GeckoGirl1985 wrote: »

I forgot to say, she doesn't have a key - she is letting herself in through the back door which we leave unlocked when we are home. Perhaps this is foolish of us but then we are not used to having unexpected people simply walk in on us! Luckily tonight we were upstairs when she arrived so out of sight, but she could have easily walked in on us in the living room. My feeling is that we shouldn't have to lock the doors to our own home just in case somebody walks into our house unexpectedly. Not only that, but when she does arrive out of the blue it is still frustrating for us to have to stop mid-act if you know what I mean.

ah i see - start locking your back door now, not just because your mum might pop in, but because anyone could, thats a prime target for opportunist burglars.

Any

Sorry, haven't read the replies yet, just as soon as read the OP my thoughts are:
To let yourself in without invite (whether with or without keys) is the utmost disrespect, bad manners and invasion of privacy, no matter who it is at the door, even the Queen wouldn't dare do that in her own palace in rooms that are not occupied by her!!

At first I thought it is going to be moaning post about people coming to the door without prior arrangement first and that every single visit must be pre arranged which to me would be a bit much, but your mother needs to attend a course for basic manners!

Any

balletshoes wrote: »

edited as OP doesn't lock her door - otherwise my answer would agree with the above quoted post.

Sorry, it doesn't matter whether OP locks the door or not..
Obviously their security might be in danger (not where I live, but people could see it that way), but in principle you just don't walk into someone elses house if they don't open the door on your knock!!

Any

Dunroamin wrote: »

Used you to pop round to your mother's place or did you ring first to make an appointment?

I would always knock and if there was no answer I would walk away, not going round checking doors and windows whether I can get in anyway!

balletshoes

Any wrote: »

Sorry, it doesn't matter whether OP locks the door or not..
Obviously their security might be in danger (not where I live, but people could see it that way), but in principle you just don't walk into someone elses house if they don't open the door on your knock!!

erm - I do, with my close family and best friends, after I've knocked and the door is unlocked. They can do the same with me, its not a problem for us (or some others on this thread apparently ).

Any

balletshoes wrote: »

erm - I do, with my close family and best friends, after I've knocked and the door is unlocked. They can do the same with me, its not a problem for us (or some others on this thread apparently ).

Good for you. Very bad manners I was taught.
My friends walk into my house (we don't lock front door as long as we are downstairs) when they are expected, but not when they are not.
Then they cannot catch me "at it". I would be horrified if that happened, either someone caught me or I caught someone else!!:eek:

Edit: No, sorry actually, I don't think it was taught per se... it was just completely unthinkable. I don't know anyone who would enter my house unannounced or when not invited in.
Unless it was agreed before hand openly.
Like my friends when coming for dinner at 7pm (previously pre-arranged) will knock and then open the door. This I have specificaly asked them to do, so I don't have to open the door when in the middle of cooking.
If they are just "popping by" , junst in case I am at home, they will knock and wait for reply, someone to come to the door..
This includes my sister too, who lives close enough to actually just "pop by" on the off chance.

Fen1

I 'm, sorry if this offends, but:

if I were your mother and walked in on you having sex I would be mortified. ( I'd never walk in unannounced again!) To do so 3 Times suggests there might be something wrong with her. There are good psychological and sociological reasons why parent/child sex issues are so icky.
Does your mother have other boundary issues? Is she 'peculiar' in other ways?
Walking in repeatedly whilst her daughter is having sex is not normal, and her current living situation is no excuse.

balletshoes

Any wrote: »

Good for you. Very bad manners I was taught.
My friends walk into my house (we don't lock front door as long as we are downstairs) when they are expected, but not when they are not.
Then they cannot catch me "at it". I would be horrified if that happened, either someone caught me or I caught someone else!!:eek:

And thats why i agree that when you,re upstairs, or you dont want to be disturbed, lock your outside doors.