Mum showing up unannounced - have I been unfair?

Yorkie1

Mojisola wrote: »

I think it was one of those government public safety campaigns suggesting people don't make life easier for thieves by leaving doors unlocked.

I don't think campaigns telling thieves not to do it work very well so the onus is on householders to be security minded.

paulineb wrote: »

Some burglars do go around homes trying handles of doors and it is possible to be burgled when you are at home, it is safer to lock your doors even if its a minor inconvenience.

http://www.yorkpress.co.uk/news/10830502.Police__burglar__stunt_highlights_winter_crime_danger/

emweaver

Letting herself in is rude but your own mother having to make an appointment to see you is a bit odd.

GeckoGirl1985

emweaver wrote: »

Letting herself in is rude but your own mother having to make an appointment to see you is a bit odd.

I've never asked her to 'make an appointment', that would just be ridiculous. As I've said she is more than welcome in our home and we have made an extra effort recently to see her and do things with her given her circumstances. All I have asked her is that she gives us a quick call or text to let us know she would like to visit - 'Are you home, is it alright to come over in 30 mins?' Rather than just walking in on us.

MrsE_2

GeckoGirl1985 wrote: »

I've never asked her to 'make an appointment', that would just be ridiculous. As I've said she is more than welcome in our home and we have made an extra effort recently to see her and do things with her given her circumstances. All I have asked her is that she gives us a quick call or text to let us know she would like to visit - 'Are you home, is it alright to come over in 30 mins?' Rather than just walking in on us.

You've already said you pop into hers unannounced, it works both ways.
My daughter & I would call or text each other to save a wasted journey, but for no other reason.
If I was passing I wouldn't feel like I couldnt just turn up at my daughters & likewise neither would she.

catkins

emweaver wrote: »

Letting herself in is rude but your own mother having to make an appointment to see you is a bit odd.

She is not asking her mum to make an appointment though is she? I know some people are ok with friends/family just turning up, but just as many are not.

Cottage_Economy

catkins wrote: »

I also asked my neighbour in France politely not to just walk into my house. I said it wasn't really the done thing in England and I wasn't used to it and felt uncomfortable with it but she still carried on so I had to lock the door.

How difficult is that to deal with. It takes a lot of courage to talk to someone and ask them not to do something that makes you uncomfortable. For them to just ignore you...I personally wouldn't be having much to do with that neighbour if they were so happy to carry on making your feel uncomfortable.

It's even more difficult when it's your family, not least that if they take offence it can cause family rifts. I wouldn't say my insistence on my family phoning in advance and refusing to give them a key has caused a rift, but it has certainly put their nose of of joint.

And yet my parents hate anyone turning up on spec, always have done. For some reason they absolutely have the blinders on when it comes to them doing it though.

It completely illogical.

Cottage_Economy

emweaver wrote: »

Letting herself in is rude but your own mother having to make an appointment to see you is a bit odd.

They don't have to make an appointment. It courtesy to give someone a heads up if you're hoping to come and see them shortly on spec.

"Hi darling, it's mum. You ok if I pop by in a few minutes for a chat?"
"Yeh mum no problem. I'll put kettle on."

At which point you then get off the phone, give your hair a comb, give the loo and bathroom sink a quick swish to make sure they're clean, and get the cups out.

EDITED TO ADD: just remembered a bizare phone call with my mother a couple of years ago. She had apparently turned up at my house one lunchtime and found me not in (surprise, surprise it was a weekday and I worked five days a week 9-5) and was annoyed with ME for not being there.

She had got off the bus from town, walked up to my house, banged, rang the bell, tried the door, went round the back, tried the back door, and then went back to the bus stop to wait for the next bus, which ran one an hour. It was teaming with rain on the day and she got soaked.

Now why would she not have used her mobile to ring me from town before she got on the bus to find out if I was at home? She uses it all the time for everything. She's always pinging text messages out, but why not on that day?

Mind you, she's never done it since ;-)

GeckoGirl1985

MrsE wrote: »

You've already said you pop into hers unannounced, it works both ways.

If you re-read my post properly, I have said that I pop into hers unannounced very rarely and only if it is urgent and unavoidable. Examples - having my nursery-age niece with me who got caught short and needed to use the bathroom, and also popping in quickly to see whether an urgent item of post had arrived. On any other occasion I call ahead to check first. Mum on the other hand gives us no warning, she just arrives whenever she fancies dropping in. Even if the door is locked she just knocks and expects to be let in, regardless of whether we are busy or not. This has happened quite a number of times since we moved into our house in May this year, despite us dropping polite hints that we would like her to give us a call ahead first.

MrsE_2

GeckoGirl1985 wrote: »

If you re-read my post properly, I have said that I pop into hers unannounced very rarely and only if it is urgent and unavoidable. Examples - having my nursery-age niece with me who got caught short and needed to use the bathroom, and also popping in quickly to see whether an urgent item of post had arrived. On any other occasion I call ahead to check first. Mum on the other hand gives us no warning, she just arrives whenever she fancies dropping in. Even if the door is locked she just knocks and expects to be let in, regardless of whether we are busy or not. This has happened quite a number of times since we moved into our house in May this year, despite us dropping polite hints that we would like her to give us a call ahead first.

I dont need to re read, I'm quite capable of understanding the first time thank you.
You stated you do it occasionally to her for brief visits to collect post etc (you didn't mention anything about a child needing the loo though).
Its still popping in without notice, if you demand it off your mum, you need to afford her the same. You could say her temporary homelessness is an exceptional situation..............

I'm gob smacked that when she knocks & you answer, you could imagine a scenario where you do anything other than have her in!

I would be heartbroken if my daughter posted something like this.

GeckoGirl1985

MrsE wrote: »

I would be heartbroken if my daughter posted something like this.

Out of interest, if your daughter was living with her bf and you arrived at their house and disturbed them in the middle of having sex, what would your reaction be? Would you still expect to be invited in?

I'm not being argumentative, I am genuinely interested.