Mum showing up unannounced - have I been unfair?

paulineb_2

GeckoGirl1985 wrote: »

Out of interest, if your daughter was living with her bf and you arrived at their house and disturbed them in the middle of having sex, what would your reaction be? Would you still expect to be invited in?

I'm not being argumentative, I am genuinely interested.

How is your mum meant to know that you are going to be having sex at the exact minute she chooses to come over to your house? Shes not psychic. I expect she didnt really want to catch you in the act on 3 occasions or whatever it was.

All I can say is, if you do lock your door in future and do tell your mum she has to call ahead, hopefully it wont happen again.

Far better things to be getting upset about in the scheme of things I think.

MrsE_2

GeckoGirl1985 wrote: »

Out of interest, if your daughter was living with her bf and you arrived at their house and disturbed them in the middle of having sex, what would your reaction be? Would you still expect to be invited in?

I'm not being argumentative, I am genuinely interested.

She does, live with her boyfriend.
My guess is she would throw her clothes on & I would never have known.

GeckoGirl1985

paulineb wrote: »

How is your mum meant to know that you are going to be having sex at the exact minute she chooses to come over to your house? Shes not psychic. I expect she didnt really want to catch you in the act on 3 occasions or whatever it was.

By calling ahead like everybody else does to see if it's ok to visit? :think:

lostinrates

paulineb wrote: »

How is your mum meant to know that you are going to be having sex at the exact minute she chooses to come over to your house? Shes not psychic. I expect she didnt really want to catch you in the act on 3 occasions or whatever it was.

All I can say is, if you do lock your door in future and do tell your mum she has to call ahead, hopefully it wont happen again.

Far better things to be getting upset about in the scheme of things I think.

Which is why a call solves so many problems.


I think the other thing not touched on at all, is that its not just geckos irks home but her bf's and he might prefer to have some notice, even if its felt parents and children 'don't need any'.

Fwiw, thinking about it, even those of us who live here tend to give each other a rough idea.. ' I expect to be back at about two' or ' leaving here now, so, guess I will be home in abut an hour and a half, anything you need?' That sort of thing. It just seems, in a world where communication is so easy, polite unless there are reasons not to (like run out of free texts/minutes on a call plan or a fairly set routine that is pretty invariable. )

Georgiegirl256

GeckoGirl1985 wrote: »

If you re-read my post properly, I have said that I pop into hers unannounced very rarely and only if it is urgent and unavoidable. Examples - having my nursery-age niece with me who got caught short and needed to use the bathroom, and also popping in quickly to see whether an urgent item of post had arrived. On any other occasion I call ahead to check first. Mum on the other hand gives us no warning, she just arrives whenever she fancies dropping in. Even if the door is locked she just knocks and expects to be let in, regardless of whether we are busy or not. This has happened quite a number of times since we moved into our house in May this year, despite us dropping polite hints that we would like her to give us a call ahead first.

It's your Mam for goodness sake! How anyone can behave like this towards their own family beggars belief!

building_with_lego

Torry_Quine wrote: »

...

Mind you no washing is hung out from October to March as it won't dry so no point but even when I hang it out the door is locked when it's out.

Vicky123 wrote: »

I don't know how anyone's drying washing this time of year, it can rain on and off all day and it's so cold. I stop hanging out washing after the first day of it being out all day and it's actually wetter than when it came out of the spin. Where in the UK can you dry outside in November?

Oi'm in Zummerzet and hang washing out on any day which is forecast to be dry, I had two loads out yesterday and while they didn't DRY exactly they were drier than when I hung them out! (I figure that any evaporation that takes place outside is less damp in my house so I look at the weather daily to decide whether to wash or not.)

And the key to having it not wetter than when it went out is to hang it later and bring it in earlier, if you can- it gets cold earlier so I find if I leave it beyond 5pm it's just not worth it.

Brighton_belle

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

It's your Mam for goodness sake! How anyone can behave like this towards their own family beggars belief!

Well I might be about to beggar your belief even further...I have a close a loving relationship with my parents, and they would never pop round, once was living with DH, without checking first, out of respect for his personal space. To us, that is a normal, considerate caring way to treat each other and is a symbol of our love not dislike of each other. And is just as valid as your way to live.

duchy

GeckoGirl1985 wrote: »

By calling ahead like everybody else does to see if it's ok to visit? :think:

But you don't accord her the same courtesy ? How come you wouldn't ring her before popping in to collect "urgent " post for example?

Why should she be expected to show you greater courtesy than you show her? Having a live in bloke doesn't make you special or immune from manners. You've demonstrated by your own actions (popping in yourself and also not locking the back door) that you don't regard popping in as a bad thing.......... I must say if my Mum had walked in once when I was having sex ...I'd be darn sure I never left the door unlocked again ....... If it bothered you that much-neither would you (and that's without the obvious insurance issues when a walk in thief pops in). I think you're just trying to create a bit of drama. If I had someone's pet I'd be giving them as much access as possible under the sort of circumstances your Mum is in - not trying to upset them further. You're either very young or very selfish with your "it's all about me" attitude.

Georgiegirl256

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Well I might be about to beggar your belief even further...I have a close a loving relationship with my parents, and they would never pop round, once was living with DH, without checking first, out of respect for his personal space. To us, that is a normal, considerate caring way to treat each other and is a symbol of our love not dislike of each other. And is just as valid as your way to live.

Didn't say it wasn't valid, just that it's weird to me personally, probably because of the way I was brought up where we were always in and out of my grandparents all the time, no appointment needed.

Same goes with my parents, I don't need to phone ahead, and they wouldn't expect me to.

catkins

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

It's your Mam for goodness sake! How anyone can behave like this towards their own family beggars belief!

Just because it's her mum doesn't mean it's ok just to turn up and, even worse, just to walk in. It's not difficult to make a quick call to check that the person you are thinking of visiting is in and are happy for you to visit is it?